# When is sexism okay? **URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037 **Category:** The BBQ Pit **Created:** [March 19, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037 "2009-03-19T16:27:11Z") **Posts on this page:** 1 **Showing post:** 366
### Author: ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred) #### Post date: [March 22, 2009, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037/366 "2009-03-22T12:45:28Z")
I expect you will grant me the same courtesy you extend to **TL** below: that you can’t know for sure what my motive was, that you can’t KNOW what I really meant. > [@Lamia](#): > > I don’t believe I’ve ever said that I know for sure that she has no ulterior motive, just that I see no reason to doubt her stated reason and I think it’s unfair to assume that she’s lying. > I can’t KNOW what **Tracy** really meant, just like I can’t KNOW what anyone here really means. Below you said “We could play the quote hunting game all day, but that wouldn’t tell the rest of us what you’re really thinking.” On more than one occasion in this thread I have posted the quote, link and post # of every post I made in the applicable 3 threads so I am not asking you to go quote hunting, it’s all there in **my** words. I will deal with **my** words, the words **I** chose to post, not my thought or beliefs or ideas. Please notice that I did not make any post in which I suggested I knew what **TL** ’s motives were or reasoning was, either positive or negative. I also have not commented on her user name and did not search for any of her prior posts. If you have an issue with those who did you, should take it up with them. I am not and will not take responsibility for anybody else’s words or words put in my mouth. Look at my posts, only my posts. > [@Lamia](#): > > So you’re saying now that you DON’T think that **Tracy** deserved it? Or are you just denying having previously said the exact words “she deserved it” even though you really think she did? There’s a difference between thinking something and having said/posted something, isn’t there? Does it matter what I thought or does it matter what I said/posted? I will stand by what **I** have said/posted. > [@Lamia](#): > > We could play the quote hunting game all day, but that wouldn’t tell the rest of us what you’re really thinking. If you want us to have an accurate picture of your beliefs, you can tell us straight out now whether or not you think **Tracy** deserved to have comments made about her body. No need to get fancy, “She deserved it” or “She didn’t deserve it” will do. You get to ask the question but not to frame my answer. Does it matter what I think or believe? Some people would believe me, some people would not. From an earlier post of mine in this thread (#197): > [@dba\_Fred](#): > > In the [Women and “signals”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=10893580) thread, **Tracy Lord** conveniently paraphrased what she had said in the [Red wine stains](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=508649) thread, I called her on it by posting the actual words she had used (#36). In a thread about communication confusion, it seemed a perfect example of how people sometimes send signals they don’t think they are sending. Her reply (#37) was “Okay, that’s fair enough.” > That was the extent of my posting in that thread, note that **TL** did not ask me to stop. > My comment the next day in the [Red wine stains](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=508649) thread (#30) was also about that she had chosen the words she used in describing her very favorite white shirt. That was the extent of my posting in that thread, note that **TL** did not ask me to stop. Yes I believe **TL** deserved to be called on for using one phrase in her **OP** and then changing her phrasing later downthread and in another thread. A parallel would be if I said “my car is black” but later said “my car is gray”, it’s close but it’s not what I originally said. It was in the [Wow, our new hire is my dream guy](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=510905) thread that a conflict between **TL** and myself arose on the words **I** used/what **I** said. > [@Wow, our new hire is my dream guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/11): > > Hope you have your [_Very Favorite White Shirt_](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=508649) ready to go! > You know, “_the one that fits perfectly and has excellent darts that makes my waist look tiny and my boobs look amazing_”. > 😉 > > P.S. Happiness is happiness, I wish you well 🙂 > [@Wow, our new hire is my dream guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/14): > > Seemed like a \*Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share \* kinda thing. :o > Hope to hear he finds them amazing 😃 > Best wishes in all you endeavors 🙂 > [@Wow, our new hire is my dream guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wow-our-new-hire-is-my-dream-guy/490010/15): > > You are being creepy. Please stop. I expect you will grant me the same courtesy you extend to **TL** : that you can’t know for sure what my motive was, that you can’t KNOW what I really meant. She asked me to stop and … I did, it was all over in the space of posts 11 to 15 which included **Rhythmdvl** fixing a link. In retrospect, I could have chosen to post only the link to the Red wines stain post and left out the quote. Note my liberal use of smileys and well-wishes. Also from an earlier post of mine in this thread (#197): “In the Wow, our new hire is my dream guy thread it was a “Hey, I remember her” and connecting dreamy co-worker + very favorite white shirt = love connection. And in light of her prior conduct, I figured there might be fireworks.” So I will admit to setting out the bait (using **her** words) but I didn’t make **TL** take it - adults, choice, responsibility & all that. Those 2 posts in that 1 thread are the only time I first brought up her _very favorite white shirt_, in the other 2 threads her _amazing_ boobs were already in play (so to speak). There has been much said it the 4 threads (_Women and “signals”_, _Red wine stains_, _Wow, our new hire is my dream guy_ and this one. I will only be responsible for the posts **I** made using the **words** I chose. --- _[View the full topic](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-is-sexism-okay/490037)._