# When it's your kids, is it really babysitting? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 15, 2002, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721 "2002-04-15T13:14:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lorinada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5e925/32.png) [@lorinada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorinada)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/21 "2002-04-16T02:05:30Z")
It’s funny that men say “we’re pregnant” but then say “I’m babysitting”. ---
**Author:** ![LolaBaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d2c977/32.png) [@LolaBaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaBaby)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/22 "2002-04-16T02:07:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wring \* > \*\*One of the many, excellent reasons I’m a divorced woman today is that my ex considered being in charge of his son ‘babysitting’ and needed more instructions than the average sitter. (where’s the extra diapers? did you fix a bottle for him? where’s the wipes? I mean fercryin’ out loud, that was not only **his** child, but at the time, he lived in the house!) > > Did I consider it sitting when I did it? > > Nope. > > and, after the divorce, the way **I** looked at it, referred to weekends was “Oh, good, I get to see Ben this weekend”, while his father would say such things as (yes, in front of our son :mad: ) “oh good, that means I **don’t** have to have Ben that weekend”. \*\* Count me in if you two are still going to beat this man. After that, could you help me with mine? Sounds exactly like mine, but I’m still there. :rolleyes To answer the OP, if it’s your own, it’s parenting, if it’s someone else’s, it’s babysitting…etc. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/23 "2002-04-16T05:06:28Z")
> [@](#): > > I watch China bambina perhaps more than my wife does. I use the term baby sitting all the time in reference to myself. _hey guys, gotta run, I am baby sitting tonight._ I suppose I could say I’ve got child duty, or parent duty or something but baby sitting seems like a pretty useful term to me. **China Guy** , I’m sure you don’t really think of it as babysitting, but I have never heard a woman say this, only men (and most of the ones I’ve heard say it do think of it as babysitting) .I mostly hear women say " Gotta run, my husband’s going out tonight" Avoids both the awkward “parent duty” and “babysitting” I once spent about twenty minutes driving my great-aunts out of their minds at a baby shower. The kept asking who’s babysitting. I said no one. They finally asked me if my husband was home with them. I said yes. “Aha ,he’s babysitting” “Is it babysitting if I’m home with them?” “No, you’re the mother” “Well, he’s the father” Then they did the same thing with my sister They still don’t understand. ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/24 "2002-04-16T05:25:08Z")
Never been an issue in our house – it’s parenting not babysitting but if I looked after my partner’s daughter, it did feel like babysitting. We didn’t have custody and I didn’t have a particularly warm relationship with her. I dunno that I ever referred to it as babysitting but I never felt like I was parenting her. If I had actually gotten on OK with her and we had a custodial relationship, then, no I don’t think I would have felt it was a babysitting type experience. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/25 "2002-04-16T12:40:49Z")
My older kids **babysit** the younger ones. My husband **keeps the babies** , just like I do when he’s gone. I figure, if you’re there at conception, babysitting is pretty much out of the question. 😃 [sub]Of course, I don’t buy that whole “We’re pregnant” thing either…[/sub] karol ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/26 "2002-04-16T12:45:45Z")
Umm, ya, I guess I don’t think of it as baby sitting. I think of it as being on watch or active duty or something along those lines. Whoever gets passed the responsibility for my daughter had better take good care of her. Dunno, feels awkward to say I am parenting tonight. I mean, parenting is a 24/7 calling not just when it is one-on-one. To clarify, in China, even the fancy hotels, you don’t find changing rooms in the public restrooms (although I have seen them at the international airport). I do not mean to say that people make a habit of changing babies on the dining table, usually it would be on a chair and most parents bring along a changing cloth. Still, I do not see the problem of a diaper and baby wipes and a quick change. I would be willing to bet that in the US not publicly changing your baby has a lot more to do with bystanders being offended rather than sanitation issues. My point was perhaps poorly illustrated, but in China it is a lot more acceptable for little kids to act like kids and the general population is pretty encouraging of that. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/27 "2002-04-16T13:36:39Z")
Of course it is not babysitting to be with your kids. When we leave the kids home alone, the eldest is “in charge.” She does not get paid unless she had a conflicting opportunity to babysit outside of the home. ---
**Author:** ![Merlot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3e96dc/32.png) [@Merlot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merlot)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/28 "2002-04-16T14:02:31Z")
My husband is the primary care giver of our son. Yes, he is a “stay at home dad.” I quickly correct anyone that refers to him as the babysitter or Mr. Mom. (If he’s Mr. Mom, does that mean I am Mrs. Dad? :eek:) ---
**Author:** ![Delta-9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@Delta-9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Delta-9)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/29 "2002-04-16T16:00:09Z")
Where I come from we say, “Watching the kids.” You don’t want to offend the young ones, you know. “Dad, I’m not a **baby** any more!” ---
**Author:** ![Leifsmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Leifsmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leifsmama)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2002, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/30 "2002-04-16T16:19:05Z")
I’m a stay at home mom and I do 90% of the parenting. Not that Leifsdad isn’t willing. He does a million things my father would never have done, like change poopy diapers and get up in the middle of the night. He even relieves me for a night on the town occasionally. I’ve always felt like I was a burden to my father, financially, time-wise, he always seem to rather be doing something else, or couldn’t be bothered to begin with. That isn’t going to happen in my family. China guy is public breast feeding acceptable? This is something I resent in the States. Why is it taboo to feed my hungry child?! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/31 "2002-04-17T02:44:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sghoul \* > \*\*My opinion on the subject is that, in my experience, more and more people are having children, simply because it’s “the next step”. Not because they actually WANT children. Children are like a side project to their normal lives. As such, when the parents have to spend time with the children…time they could/would be doing something ELSE…it is seen as a chore. So, to them, it IS babysitting. \*\* this is something that I have to agree on. To crib from Judge Judy? or like her in a parenting book that I’ve never read (no interest or time) " Parenting by Proxy" ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/32 "2002-04-17T10:17:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Leifsmama \*\*\*China guy is public breast feeding acceptable? This is something I resent in the States. Why is it taboo to feed my hungry child?! \*\* Not only is breast feeding in public perfectly acceptable, it is also the way that probably 90% of Chinese babies get fed. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/33 "2002-04-17T10:23:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by sghoul \* > \*\*My opinion on the subject is that, in my experience, more and more people are having children, simply because it’s “the next step”. Not because they actually WANT children. Children are like a side project to their normal lives. As such, when the parents have to spend time with the children…time they could/would be doing something ELSE…it is seen as a chore. So, to them, it IS babysitting. \*\* I would hazard the guess that maybe you have just started noticing this trend. It is certainly not something new. Doonesbury made fun of this trend IIRC back in the 1970s ---
**Author:** ![Dilbert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58f4c7/32.png) [@Dilbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dilbert)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2002, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/34 "2002-04-17T14:37:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Leifsmama \* > \*\*This is something I resent in the States. Why is it taboo to feed my hungry child?! \*\* Where do you live that this is taboo? About the only people I have met in recent years that say it is taboo are extremely religious people who call it sexual perversion. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/35 "2002-04-18T13:40:28Z")
Several of the women from the church I used to frequent always thought it was great that my husband (now ex) would babysit. I’d always point out that he wasn’t babysitting, he was watching his own kids–but I wished he would babysit because the extra cash would be nice 🙂 I have to say there are some women (although, admittedly I’m not one of them), who perpetuate this in the way they treat their husbands. When my ex and I had kids, our children were our responsibility (and still are). Neither one of us was the sole expert on how to change diapers, bathe or care for the baby, it was something we both did and tried to share equally. Unfortunately, you don’t always know going in how you and your partner are going to be as parents–that can be a real eye opening experience! ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/36 "2002-04-18T14:26:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dilbert \* > \*\* > Where do you live that this is taboo? About the only people I have met in recent years that say it is taboo are extremely religious people who call it sexual perversion. \*\* Unfortunately, the reality that most breastfeeding women face is a bit different than you might expect. Everybody _says_ “breast is best,” but breastfeeding women soon find out that lots of people think it is gross or should be kept strictly private. Any woman who breastfeeds in public, even those who do it quite discreetly, will get nasty comments and horrified stares. Even some doctors and other medical professionals are not entirely comfortable with breasfeeding, recommending “supplementation,” etc. A lot of women start breastfeeding with very high expectations, because throughout their pregnancies, everyone touted breastfeeding. They often become discouraged when they are discouraged in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to use a bottle instead. It’s funny how people can subtly make things more difficult for parents who do things a bit differently than they do. Telling a breastfeeding mother “can’t you do that in the bathroom?” is one way. Insisting that a male taking care of a child is “babysitting” is another. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/37 "2002-04-18T14:32:43Z")
Argh. Make the last sentence of the first paragraph read “They often become discouraged when they are **en** couraged in subtle and not-so-subtle ways to use a bottle instead.” ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/38 "2002-04-18T14:41:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > **…A similar peeve is when the men’s rooms don’t have changing tables. I can’t tell you how many time my husband has gone to change my sons diaper and had to bring him back because there is no changing table except in the women’s bathroom.** As far as you KNOW… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Leifsmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Leifsmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leifsmama)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/39 "2002-04-18T19:39:08Z")
Thank you **Green Bean**. This is so true. Even in one of the most liberal places in the country (Boulder, CO) people moved away from me and gave ugly stares. FTR, I’m very discrete. No one sees anything. No changing table in the men’s room is a pain. No changing table is awful. I hate chaning my kid on the floor of the bathroom. Yuck, I hate walking the floor in public bathrooms half the time! ---
**Author:** ![Leifsmama](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Leifsmama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leifsmama)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2002, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721/40 "2002-04-18T19:41:15Z")
Drat, I ment to say that No changing table in the men’s room is a pain, no changing table at all is awful. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-its-your-kids-is-it-really-babysitting/103721.md?page=1)