# When mods go bad - mr. Norman, do check in **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 2, 2001, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482 "2001-04-02T13:06:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/1 "2001-04-02T13:06:01Z")
OK folks, this is it. No more mr. Nice Guy from now on. You’re looking at the baddest mod in the history of the SDMB. Hell, I dare each and every one of you - I’m the bad-assest poster of all! Well, not really, maybe. But I did do something that I wanted to do for a long time. Something very, very cool. And potentially lethal, if I’m not very good at it. Two weeks from this saturday, I shall be taking my first motorcycle lesson!! Woooooooo friggin’ hoo!! I’m so excited I could giggle like a schoolgirl. In fact, I am. Ahhhhh… the open roads. 100 BHP at your disposal, and only 250 kilos to push. The wind in your, errr, helmet air intakes. Well, not really, just doing donuts and slaloms in second gear at a closed parking lot, but STILL! This is gonna ROCK!! OK, I’ll stop now. Really. _Get yer motor runnin’…_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/2 "2001-04-02T13:12:24Z")
What next? A puke-green Harley and a move to Canada? ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/3 "2001-04-02T13:17:41Z")
Ya know, giggling like a schoolgirl really detracts from that bad boy image you’re looking for, **Coldfire**. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/4 "2001-04-02T13:19:40Z")
Best advice I can give you **Coldy** : Keep the rubber side down. Also, you may not want to be giggling like a school-girl when you hit up those biker bars. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/5 "2001-04-02T13:27:24Z")
I dunno… If that giggling has the ‘Mad Max’ insane overtone to it I think it works quite well for his ‘fear me! I’m a mod with a bike’ image. Just don’t get some wimpy bike. Get something with some karma to it. _I like smoke and lightnin’_… ---
**Author:** ![tiggeril](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tiggeril/32/7234_2.png) [@tiggeril](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiggeril)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/6 "2001-04-02T13:29:48Z")
First, motocycle lessons. Then, a flaming red Corvette and a trophy wife. Then, a Porsche and a child-bride. Then, a combover and an intravenous supply of Viagra. Coldy, you having a mid-life crisis? 😃 ::flees:: ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/7 "2001-04-02T13:33:39Z")
Color me jealous! I’d love to buy a bike, but **Astrofiancee** won’t let me! She’s afraid that I’ll kill myself… and I gotta admit that she has a point: I can injure myself with a Nerf ball! With a bike I’d probably be road-dust within a week or so… > [@](#): > > I’d love to buy a bike, but **Astrofiancee** won’t let me! [sup]I just quoted myself in the same post! Is that legal?[/sup]:eek: Upon re-reading, I realised that the above didn’t come out quite right! Allow me to re-phrase: I want to buy a bike, but **Astrofiancee** is against the idea, so in an attempt to appease her foolish womanly fears, I have VOLUNTARILY decided not to buy a bike! But if I decided TO buy a bike, why, then, by golly, I’d just go ahead and buy it!! And **Astrofiancee** would accept the decision! She knows who’s in charge here! Read no further unless you are **Astrofiancee**! [sup]Honey? I can explain! Ya see, it’s a guy thing! I can’t let them know that I can’t control my own life! It’s a loss of face! Yeah, yeah, I know… but it’s a guy thing… remember the talk we had about testicle-itch? It’s kinda like that! What? Oh, OK… yes dear…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/8 "2001-04-02T13:33:55Z")
Wooo!! _sidles up next to coldie and starts making empathic noises_ VROOOOOM VROOOOM!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/9 "2001-04-02T13:37:21Z")
Since you didn’t specify that you would actually be in control of the motorcycle, I’ll have to assume that you’ll be, more appropriately, riding bitch. Make sure to wear leather chaps. The kind that expose your arse. That way, when your Old Man stops at a biker bar, the patrons will be more easily able to slap your buttocks and call you names. Wear a full-face helmet. It won’t make you safer, but it will spare the rest of us your face. When being gang-banged by the biker community, please make them wear condoms. Stop the spread of disease. Biker Mama tits are required by charter to be dirty, or at least greasy. Check your contract, and buy a bag of potting soil to carry around just in case there’s an inspection. Do Not let them hear you squeal like a pig. This advise is given solely on hearsay, but I hope it works for you. ---
**Author:** ![bdgr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a87d85/32.png) [@bdgr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bdgr)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/10 "2001-04-02T13:42:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simetra \* > \*\*Best advice I can give you **Coldy** : > > Keep the rubber side down. > > Also, you may not want to be giggling like a school-girl when you hit up those biker bars. 🙂 \*\* Depends on the Biker Bar ---
**Author:** ![Fletch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/919ad9/32.png) [@Fletch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fletch)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/11 "2001-04-02T13:55:33Z")
You will need to get a tattoo. How about a nice arrangement of tulips? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/12 "2001-04-02T14:25:29Z")
For Coldfire? Tulips on an organ. That would be fitting. ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/13 "2001-04-02T14:36:22Z")
Hey! What’s all this about me becoming a biker slut? I’ll have none of that! Tattoos? I think not! I will be one of those Yuppie Scum Bikers, just like Spiny Norman. 😃 BTW, he keeps telling me a Ducati is a dangerous choice for a first bike. Is this true? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/14 "2001-04-02T14:45:00Z")
Way to go, mate! With your - ehm - enthusiastic attitude to speed, you’re about to discover just how much fun one can have when fully clothed. And we’ll have to get you a “Born to moderate” back patch, to say nothing of a suitable outfit for Poofy to ride pillion in. I guess the only question left is: Are you going for the Hayabusa, the Blackbird XX or the Ninja ZX-12 ? 😉 So, when are we gonna cruise ? I have nothing but good experiences from riding my bike to A’dam, so just say where and when, and we’ll go turn some dead dinosaurs into a sh\*tload of fun. Shiny side up, friend. S. Norman ---
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/15 "2001-04-02T15:01:00Z")
Come to think of it, “Yuppie scum biker” sounds like an OK tattoo… (Digression re tattos: The most enthusiastic Ducati rider I ever met had a tattoo of - I’m not making this up - desmodromic valves (a Duc specialty) on his left shoulder. Well, he did ride a 996 SPS (translation: Completely unpayable but utterly, utterly delicious race-prepped Duc 996) on a mechanic’s pay. He must’ve lived in a tent or something.) I never said Ducs were too dangeorus, that’s an insidious lie. People might think I didn’t want you to be as cool as me! 😛 I did, admittedly, recommend something that could be dropped and repaired without taking out a new mortgage. And, perhaps, something with a little less than 100 BHP ? S. Norman ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/16 "2001-04-02T15:10:16Z")
> [@](#): > > Upon re-reading, I realised that the above didn’t come out quite right! Allow me to re-phrase: I want to buy a bike, but Astrofiancee is against the idea, so in an attempt to appease her foolish womanly fears, I have VOLUNTARILY decided not to buy a bike! But if I decided TO buy a bike, why, then, by golly, I’d just go ahead and buy it!! And Astrofiancee would accept the decision! She knows who’s in charge here! ::snap!!:: Anybody else hearing the sound of that whip?! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![London\_Calling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@London\_Calling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/London_Calling)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/17 "2001-04-02T15:20:09Z")
Excellent stuff !! First rule of buying _any_ bike – check where the filling cap is and look closely at the lip between the saddle and the tank because, at some point, you and it will make very harsh contact. You will go over the bars and you will get hurt - just make sure you don’t lose the crown jewels in the process. I kid you not, dude…it’s **very** important ! – Just ask Spiny ‘lube’ Norman……… \ ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/18 "2001-04-02T15:22:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spiny Norman \* > \*\*And, perhaps, something with a little less than 100 BHP ? \*\* The Dane has a point. My _car_ only has about 75 BHP, and the speeding tickets I pick up with that “monster” are in the same region as, say, Angola’s GDP. OK, bikeheads, clue me in. I don’t want an all-out sports bike like, say, Spiny’s Ducati 748. They’re wicked, but too dangerous for someone as stupid and speedhorny as me. Plus, I’d like to be able to do a 500 km. stretch and not need oxygen supplies when I get off. So, it has to be the Ducati ST2 or ST4 😉 Seriously: what’s a good sports-touring bike to buy second hand? I’m thinking in the 600-750 CC area. I don’t like retro looking bikes. I don’t want a chopper. I like the styling of the Ducati ST series, the Yamaha Diversion, the Suzuki GSX600, that sort of thing. Oh, and I LOVE the Triumph Sprint. Suggestions? (Yes I know. Get the damn license first, Clog Boy! But a man can dream, right?) ---
**Author:** ![Shayna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shayna/32/17976_2.png) [@Shayna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shayna)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/19 "2001-04-02T15:32:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spiny Norman \* > > **I have nothing but good experiences from riding my bike to A’dam…** Even through snow and freezing rain he says that. \ Please see sig… **Clogboy** , does this mean I’m gonna have to put up with URLs to pictures of bikes now instead of cars, over which I’m obligated to drool and tell you how hot you’d look on the back of them? 😉 Seriously, good luck with the lessons. Let me know how they go, as I’ve promised my motorcycle man that I’d learn how to ride one myself some day. HEY! I’d look good as a biker chick, don’t ya think? 😃 * * * The luckiest woman in the world! [Click here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=1207530#post1207530) to find out why. Jeg elsker dig, Thomas ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2001, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482/20 "2001-04-02T15:40:34Z")
I dunno, Shayna. Perhaps a nice picture in tight leather pants is in order - I need a little convincing here. 😉 Oh shit. There’s Spiny. Gotta run! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mods-go-bad-mr-norman-do-check-in/60482.md?page=2)