Hi everyone - Today my friend came over with his pickup truck and 3-1/2 loads later I’m out of the apartment. As I type I’m in a room at a nearby extended stay hotel for 2 nights, then Tue afternoon will show up at my new digs. And begin titrating in the very small percentage of my stuff (clothes mostly) that fit my hyper-limited space.
And I think I’ll sleep for a week. This has been both hard work and hard play.
Last night I went out to Brazilian Steakhouse dinner with my PCP. She had also been my late first wife’s PCP and we’ve been friends almost 10 years now. She used to come over to our place for dinner or we three would go out. She’s very smart, very sweet, but utterly not somebody I’d be interested in as a GF/SO/etc. And like most physicians, she has about 1 hour of free time per week; the rest is work and an occasional catnap. So a pleasant grown-up time was had. She and I had more, and more animated, conversation on more topics in our 3 hour dinner than I’ve had with Her Ladyship collectively in probably 4 months. Evidently I can in fact speak & be understood by at least some people.
Oh, I agree with your perspective. Had I chosen to leave my, e.g. dishes, I’d expect her to replace them soon enough. As in once she got through doing some serious shopping as is her usual MO, carefully ensuring the colors and motifs align., etc. I would totally expect that and would do the same myself were the situation reversed and the thing in question was something that mattered greatly to me. So IMO, you’re not wrong; you nailed it.
What surprised me is: “Take all your dishes today or I’ll drop them down the trash chute; I’d much rather eat off paper plates for a month until I find some new ones.” To me that felt gratuitously mean; Meanwhile she thought my idea of me leaving them for her gratis as temporaries wasn’t me being gracious or generous, it was me being mean and controlling over her. And on exactly the rocks of these sorts of utter misunderstandings did our marriage fail.
Today she was 99% cheerful and helpful & totally civil. And her 1% wasn’t notably different from the little failed communication digs that were part and parcel of every day of both our lives for the last 2 years; nothing especially harsh. I greatly admire her for that.
The last thing she said to me was just about “I hope we can remain as calm and civil as today and work through this legal process promptly & easily.” To which I said “I agree completely; that’s my goal too. Thank you.”
I’ve said here before that I love her and respect her. That’s still true. We just go together like a fish and an accordion.