# When Mr. Feeny tells you "I don't want to talk to you" don't believe him **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093 "2012-03-28T23:41:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/181 "2012-04-02T14:55:18Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > **Frank** pretty much read me right, but not being there, I can’t really say what ultimately resulted in him saying that, because none of us can _see_ and intuit the interplay that led up to it. Also, _despite the exact words he used,_ it seems all too clear in reading between the lines you were bothering him in some way. > > Maybe he was having a shitty day. Maybe his dog just died. Or he was just bummed about having to cough up some cash he probably couldn’t afford in the first place. Maybe he’s not talkative, or friendly, or was just being a dick. Whatever the case, if someone tells me to not talk to them, and they owe me nothing, the onus is now on me to respect their wishes or for whatever reason, to escalate it. For reasons a lot of us are having trouble understanding, is why you felt you needed to escalate this situation. 😕 This is exactly what I wanted to say. Thing is, you have no idea what the guy’s mental state is, what kind of day he’s having, etc. It is a little curt to say “I don’t want to talk to you,” but there could be any number of reasons why he responded this way. Fact is, you don’t know, and it’s best to end the conversation there. You don’t even have to say “Sorry.” You can be just as curt in your response (i.e., none). The only real response is to either leave the guy alone or say “Sorry.” Anything else is completely missing the point. There’s no “winning” here. It’s just an awkward social interaction that should have ended far earlier than it did. As others have said, you missed some nonverbal and verbal cues on the ending of the discussion. Many people don’t enjoy small talk, and places like repair shops, hospitals, and the DMV are generally populated with people who are stressed and don’t want to be there. (Now, if this happened at a party, I’d be more sympathetic.) So generally, I would think small talk is ill-advised. If you want opinions on the shop’s work, go to [Yelp.com](http://Yelp.com) before you get there. Or get the estimate, do some research, and go back if you think they are offering a good price. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/182 "2012-04-02T15:01:29Z")
Wanted to add a bit more… Now what you did after this interaction is completely wacky. Sunglasses Dude probably observed you bothering an old man and asked you to stop. You could have said, “Sorry, I was just trying to learn more about this shop’s estimate process” (keeping in mind you shouldn’t have been doing this anyway), or again, backed away. Your decision to mock this guy reeks of middle-school adolescent behavior, and again, not knowing a damn thing about either Old Guy or Sunglasses Dude, could have gotten you seriously hurt. Many people have no tolerance for this kind of behavior, and the situation could easily have escalated. Which I don’t think you wanted. And not to belabor the point, you don’t know why Sunglasses Dude was wearing sunglasses. He might have a medical condition that necessitates it, and again, by mocking him, you needlessly escalated the situation. It just seems very immature and bizarre, frankly, that an adult would engage in such behavior. I would assume that you had some sort of mental/behavioral disorder from these actions. (Not saying you do, but if I had observed this, I would have assumed that the person with the problem is you, not Old Guy or Sunglasses Dude.) ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/183 "2012-04-02T17:29:28Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > While I respect your opinion, I do not want to go over the conversation, or any variation thereof, again, unless you can discuss the [cooperative principle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooperative_principle). Other posters are, of course, free to discuss the cooperative principle. Moderators are welcome to close this thread at their discretion. You don’t want to go over the conversation. I want to go over the conversation. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/184 "2012-04-02T17:47:24Z")
> [@tim-n-va](#): > > You don’t want to go over the conversation. I want to go over the conversation. 🆒 Hah! Man, you’ve WON the conversation! ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/185 "2012-04-04T03:24:36Z")
> [@Sue\_Duhnym](#): > > I’m convinced that Kosmik is every person in this story and was just arguing with himself. It’s the only way it makes any sense. I see you are familiar with Ockham’s razor. You are awesome! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/186 "2012-04-04T04:24:53Z")
Dude … It is “faux pas” (not “faux paux”) and “Occam’s Razor” (not Ockham’s Razor). I read the article on the “cooperative principle”; have you? From the second paragraph, “Listeners and speakers must speak cooperatively and mutually accept one another to be understood in a particular way.” When the man told you, “I don’t want to talk to you” and you continued your part of the conversation, you violated the cooperative principle. You did not mutually accept him, instead, you continued with your own agenda and proceeded to try to “win” the conversation. I think you are extremely lucky not to have been beaten when you started mocking the guy with the sunglasses. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/187 "2012-04-04T11:24:51Z")
> [@BobArrgh](#): > > “Occam’s Razor” (not Ockham’s Razor). [Ahem:](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam's_razor) > [@Wikipedia](#): > > Occam’s razor (also written as Ockham’s razor) Nit picked. Carry on… ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/188 "2012-04-04T15:52:29Z")
I think the basic flaw in the OP’s evil plan is that his over-literal interpretations of commonly understand conversational short-cuts blatantly subverts the Cooperative Principle. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/189 "2012-04-04T17:58:22Z")
I respectfully suggest that a greater flaw is that the cooperative principle will be of little comfort when the OP is writhing in agony on the ground with 50,000 volts coursing through him. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/190 "2012-04-04T18:01:33Z")
understood. commonly understood. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/191 "2012-04-05T02:52:23Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > I think the basic flaw in the OP’s evil plan is that his over-literal interpretations of commonly understand conversational short-cuts blatantly subverts the Cooperative Principle. I should have used **conversational shortcuts**. :smack: As mentioned in the Cooperative Principle article: “Make your contribution such as it is required, at the stage at which it occurs, by the accepted purpose or direction of the talk exchange in which you are engaged.” This - (he sits down) “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?” (he indicates that he could not hear the question) “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” (he answers in the affirmative) “What was the estimate?” “I don’t want to talk to you.” **“I was just hoping you could tell me whether I was getting a good estimate. I’m sorry that I offended you. I won’t talk to you anymore today, sir.”** Not this - (he sits down) “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?” (he indicates that he could not hear the question) “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” (he answers in the affirmative) “What was the estimate?” “I don’t want to talk to you.” “For someone who speaks so politely, you are very rude.” “You don’t want to talk to me. I want to talk to you.” “You are brazen.” “Brazen?” “Didn’t you say you don’t want to talk to me?” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2012, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/192 "2012-04-05T02:57:37Z")
Oy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093.md?page=9)