# When Mr. Feeny tells you "I don't want to talk to you" don't believe him **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093 "2012-03-28T23:41:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/21 "2012-03-29T03:36:35Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > That elderly man did not know that he was dealing with someone who pratically has a Ph.D. in Linguistics. Not to mention that I’ve studied Logic, Psychology, Philosophy, and Political Science. > > I “won” the “conversation”. I had the last word. I studied Game Theory, too. 😃 Well, THERE’s your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/22 "2012-03-29T03:39:47Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > He told you he didn’t want to talk to you. You, a stranger, continued to impose conversation on him. He then indicated he didn’t find the conversation agreeable. You _continued_ to talk to him. That’s rude, at best, and kind of scary, at worst. He said, “I don’t want to talk to you.” _Could have said_, “I don’t want to talk. I just want to get my car repaired.” Then I would have said, “Ok. I understand. I want to get my car repairs done too, qucickly and cheaply, sir.” End of conversation. > [@Oakminster](#): > > By continuing to speak after he made his desire to not speak perfectly clear. Your behavior was rude, aggressive, and entirely inappropriate. He said I was “brazen”. It’s not that he didn’t want to talk to me (or with me). It’s that he didn’t want to acknowledge that we were both in the same situation, I mean, we we both sitting in the waiting area, waiting. Hence, instead of abruptly saying “I don’t want to talk to you”, understandably saying “I don’t want to talk. I just want to get my car repaired.” Again, this would be a face-saving end to the conversation. You are going to sit there anyway so you might as well talk. **Oakminster** I respect you as a person even though I don’t necessarily agree with your views as a poster. So I ask you, **Oakminster** : What harm did I cause that elderly man? ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/23 "2012-03-29T03:39:49Z")
Kozmik, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you? ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/24 "2012-03-29T03:43:53Z")
> [@Bob Ducca](#): > > Kozmik, what in the actual fuck is wrong with you? I’m brazen. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/25 "2012-03-29T03:47:00Z")
Is this some sort of game? This didn’t actually happen, did it? ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/26 "2012-03-29T03:50:10Z")
> [@Lucretia](#): > > Assuming this comment can find it’s way through the crazy-maze to the tiny little Minotaur of sanity at the center… Fuck me, that is brilliant. If I ever get the opportunity to use this line, my life will be complete. **Kosmiok** , dude, you are fucking insane. I want to follow you around and make a documentary. Tell me more. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/27 "2012-03-29T04:00:42Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > **Oakminster** I respect you as a person even though I don’t necessarily agree with your views as a poster. So I ask you, **Oakminster** : What harm did I cause that elderly man? Whether you caused actual harm is not the point. He has no obligation to engage in any form of social interaction with you whatsoever. He obviously had no desire to do so, and communicated that quite clearly. You attempted to impose your will on the guy, for no good reason. Thus, you are entirely at fault, and should be ashamed of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/28 "2012-03-29T04:03:48Z")
You practically have a PhD in Linguistics, and you had to look up the definition of “brazen”. Okay, then. Carry on. Over there. No, further. Keep going. Keep going. I’ll tell you when you’re far enough away. ---
**Author:** ![Ahoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/50afbb/32.png) [@Ahoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ahoy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/29 "2012-03-29T04:05:30Z")
This is really, really weird. You should back off when people say they do not want to talk to you. You deserve whatever you get when you start acting like a lunatic. Yes, this is what lunatics do. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/30 "2012-03-29T04:33:35Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > He abruptly said, “I don’t want to talk to you.” I thought about what he said for a moment and how he had a vaugely English accent. I said, “For someone who speaks so politely, you are very rude.” and, in the same breath, I said, “You don’t want to talk to me. I want to talk to you.” Best response: Nothing A close runner-up: A quick apology or half-apology. Not optimum but understandable: “Oh, sorry, I’m getting an estimate and wondered if this place was reasonable.” Your response: Creepy crazy shoehorn butterhorse. > [@](#): > > At this point, it went from ridiculous to ludicrous. Thank god it didn’t then go to preposterous. > [@](#): > > He says “what are you doing here?” “do you have a car in the shop?” I don’t really know how to answer him. Couldn’t you just, you know, tell him you were getting an estimate? > [@](#): > > I’m eating my popcorn, enjoying the show. I gotta admit, The Krazy Kozmik Show does have a nice ring to it. > [@](#): > > Even though I subtly mock him, even though by putting on the sunglasses I acknowledge his order to not “talk to anyone”, he keeps talking. Doesn’t he know that by putting on sunglasses I agree to not talk and that he, also wearing sunglasses, shouldn’t talk either? What? Just…what? Dude. Your reasoning is suspect, to say the very least. Do you honestly think what you did was normal? At absolute best, the vaguely-English man (VEM), was being mildly unfriendly. Still, when somebody says they don’t want to talk to you, you don’t talk to them! There is no why or brazen badgering. You’re right in that this could be a Seinfeldian moment, but I don’t think it would play out like it is in your head. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/31 "2012-03-29T04:46:30Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > You attempted to impose your will on the guy, for no good reason. Thus, you are entirely at fault, and should be ashamed of yourself. I believe that he attempted to impose his will on me when he said “I don’t want to talk to you”. Before he said this, we were having conversation. I opened the converation. I wasn’t necessarily interested in the guy, I was interested in knowing whether I was getting a fair estimate on repairs. So I ask him: “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?” and he answers to the effect that he couldn’t hear me. So I ask him again: “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” and he answers in the affirmative. Then I inquire as to the estimate and whether I might get a fair estimate and he calmly and abruptly says in a very condencending tone, “I don’t want to talk to you”. > [@Oakminster](#): > > He has no obligation to engage in any form of social interaction with you whatsoever. He has no obligation to engage in any form of verbal interation with me whatsoever; however, he did engage in a form of verbal interaction - a conversation. I asked him: “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?”, he didn’t hear me, so I asked again: “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” and he answered in the affirmative. The subtext of this converation was that I am getting my headlights repaired. The conversation continues. I ask about the estimate and whether this place is reasonable. The conversation ends.. > [@Autolycus](#): > > Not optimum but understandable: “Oh, sorry, I’m getting an estimate and wondered if this place was reasonable.” That’s what I should have said. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/32 "2012-03-29T05:06:02Z")
Sounds like verbal elder abuse to me. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/33 "2012-03-29T05:21:58Z")
**Kozmik** , can you picture what would have happened if you had the same interaction with a woman or a child? ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/34 "2012-03-29T05:23:09Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Sounds like verbal elder abuse to me. I admit that what I said was wrong. What **Autolycus** wrote is what I should have said. I said something wrong _before_ that, though: > [@](#): > > I opened the converation. I wasn’t necessarily interested in the guy, I was interested in knowing whether I was getting a fair estimate on repairs. So I ask him: “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?” and he answers to the effect that he couldn’t hear me. So I ask him again: “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” and he answers in the affirmative. Then I inquire as to the estimate and whether I might get a fair estimate and he calmly and abruptly says in a very condencending tone, “I don’t want to talk to you”. 😕 What went wrong here? ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/35 "2012-03-29T05:59:05Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I said something wrong _before_ that, though: > > > [@](#): > > > > I opened the converation. I wasn’t necessarily interested in the guy, I was interested in knowing whether I was getting a fair estimate on repairs. So I ask him: “Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?” and he answers to the effect that he couldn’t hear me. So I ask him again: “Are you getting your headlights repaired?” and he answers in the affirmative. Then I inquire as to the estimate and whether I might get a fair estimate and he calmly and abruptly says in a very condencending tone, “I don’t want to talk to you”. > > 😕 > > What went wrong here? Really? You don’t get what went wrong? For whatever reason (and it could be any one of a thousand things) he didn’t want to talk. You asked a question which required a yes/no response. He may well have thought that you were doing so as a one off, sort of an alternative to the usual “how are you doing?” So he responds, assuming that will be the end of it. But then you keep going, so rather than get stuck in a conversation he doesn’t want to have, he tells you he doesn’t want to talk. What went wrong was that you forced him into the uncomfortable position of having to say that he wasn’t in the mood to talk, _and then didn’t respect his right not to engage with you._ I’m having a really hard time believing this thread isn’t a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/36 "2012-03-29T06:27:36Z")
> [@Lord\_Mondegreen](#): > > I’m having a really hard time believing this thread isn’t a joke. IIRC, \*\*Kozmik \*\*posted about a very similar incident happening on a bus a while ago, in which he was a creeper who wouldn’t leave some woman alone, and thought \*she \*was the strange one for trying to ignore him. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/37 "2012-03-29T06:34:24Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > IIRC, \*\*Kozmik \*\*posted about a very similar incident happening on a bus a while ago, in which he was a creeper who wouldn’t leave some woman alone, and thought \*she \*was the strange one for trying to ignore him. You misrepresented [my post](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=13531200&postcount=5). :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/38 "2012-03-29T06:41:08Z")
([Link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=599349)to the whole thread) My mistake, it was not a woman, but an old man. You seem to have this bizarre obsession with bothering older men in public places. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/39 "2012-03-29T07:00:23Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > ([Link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=599349)to the whole thread) My mistake, it was not a woman, but an old man. > You seem to have this bizarre obsession with bothering older men in public places. [Relevant thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=620529) by **MeanOldLady**. The guy in the library was a [young black man](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=6119235#post6119235). So much for your theory. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/40 "2012-03-29T07:17:12Z")
I have the social skills of a cockroach – I’m afraid that fact often shows through in my posts here. In my early 30’s I mutated from Inferiority Complex to Superiority Complex (probably two sides of the same coin) with just a few precious months of normalcy in between. 😃 > [@Kozmik](#): > > … I taught that elderly man a lesson I learned before reaching the age of 30: You are going to sit there anyway so you might as well talk. Think about it. Had I not spoken to that elderly man then he would have left the collision shop and I would have left the collision shop, and nothing would come of it. That elderly man did not know that he was dealing with someone who pratically has a Ph.D. in Linguistics. Not to mention that I’ve studied Logic, Psychology, Philosophy, and Political Science. > > I “won” the “conversation”. I had the last word. He said “I don’t want to talk to you” with the expectation that I would saunder off into the corner, look away, look defeated. I studied Game Theory, too. 😃 I want to extend a big Thank You to **Kozmik** who has brightened my day. I’ve learned that in some important ways I am not the worst of Dopers! 🆒 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093.md?page=3)