# When Mr. Feeny tells you "I don't want to talk to you" don't believe him **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 28, 2012, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093 "2012-03-28T23:41:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2012, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/161 "2012-03-31T17:54:35Z")
[quote=“Nametag, post:154, topic:617093”] There’s not a social cue in this entire paragraph. QUOTE] What are you??? Blind??? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2012, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/162 "2012-03-31T18:45:18Z")
99 times out of 100, when someone is suddenly being curt or rude to you, it’s because you didn’t pick up on the dozen other cues in body language or tone that would’ve clued you into the fact they’re not interested in chit chat (little to no eye-contact; short, stilted answers; no reciprocal questions; body turned away from you; “uh-huhs” or throat clearing; feigning interest in something else; lighting themselves on fire; etc.) After someone doesn’t pick up on these ingrained, passive attempts, the only other options left is to endure the uncomfortable yammering on their part, or to say “Don’t talk to me anymore” (i.e. “shut up!”). Perhaps he could’ve said “Please,” but I somehow doubt that would’ve made a difference. It seems rude, because, just maybe, you weren’t picking up on some clues he might have dropped above. I can’t stand chit-chat with strangers myself, so anytime I’m in line, in a waiting room, or at the Secretary of State, I always seem to get beleaguered by the chit-chatters. I’ll usually exchange the weather and other pleasantries, then drop those clues as politely as I can. It’s rarely ever happened, but unless I felt the other was bizarrely off-kilter or inexplicably aggressive in their interaction with me, then I’d flat-out resort to “Dood, leave me alone!” ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/163 "2012-04-01T02:05:04Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > It’s rarely ever happened, but unless I felt the other was bizarrely off-kilter or inexplicably aggressive in their interaction with me, then I’d flat-out resort to “Dood, leave me alone!” Then I would have said, “Ok.” and left it at that. > [@handsomeharry](#): > > He put you down, perhaps harshly That’s what I’ve been trying to explain. > [@handsomeharry](#): > > What is this “have to say” nonsense??? I know that may be too complicated for you to understand so I’ll break it down for you: He should have said [that](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14914288&postcount=76) ( **“I don’t really feel like talking right now.”** ) so I would not have to say [what I should have said](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=14913386&postcount=31) ( **“Oh, sorry, I’m getting an estimate and wondered if this place was reasonable.”** ). It’s ok. I know [possible worlds](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Possible_world) are not easily understood. > [@PlainJain](#): > > By saying, "I don’t want to talk to you, the guy _is_ talking to **Kozmik**. And by saying, “You are brazen.” after saying _that_, the guy is _still_ talking to me. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/164 "2012-04-01T02:16:48Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > Then I would have said, “Ok.” and left it at that. Heh. You didn’t leave him alone after he said, “I don’t want to talk to you,” now, did you? Instead: > [@Kozmik](#): > > I said, “For someone who speaks so politely, you are very rude.” and, in the same breath, I said, “You don’t want to talk to me. I want to talk to you.” How did “I don’t want to talk to you,” not get interpreted by you as, “Dood, leave me alone!” ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/165 "2012-04-01T02:37:09Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > How did “I don’t want to talk to you,” not get interpreted by you as, “Dood, leave me alone!” **cmyk** - Can you tell me where I’m going wrong (or right) on this: “Dood, leave me alone!” Implying: "You were giving a nice chat, even though I don’t like chit-chat, and you seemed nice, but you were focused on pushing one topic (sports, religion, your personal life, ect.) and your enthusiasm could be interpreted as unwanted physical contact (slapping my knee, kicking my leg, obsessively wanting high fives, ect.). “I don’t want to talk to you.” Implying: “How _dare_ you even think that you may speak to me.” ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/166 "2012-04-01T02:50:22Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > **cmyk** - Can you tell me where I’m going wrong (or right) on this: This is the first paragraph that **cmyk** posted: > [@cmyk](#): > > 99 times out of 100, when someone is suddenly being curt or rude to you, it’s because you didn’t pick up on the dozen other cues in body language or tone that would’ve clued you into the fact they’re not interested in chit chat (little to no eye-contact; short, stilted answers; no reciprocal questions; body turned away from you; “uh-huhs” or throat clearing; feigning interest in something else; lighting themselves on fire; etc.) > [@Kozmik](#): > > … > Implying: “You were giving a nice chat, even though I don’t like chit-chat, and you seemed nice, but you were focused on pushing one topic (sports, religion, your personal life, ect.) and your enthusiasm could be interpreted as unwanted physical contact (slapping my knee, kicking my leg, obsessively wanting high fives, ect.).” It doesn’t remotely imply what you’d like to think it does. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/167 "2012-04-01T02:56:54Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > no reciprocal questions Or reciprocal high fives. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/168 "2012-04-01T04:16:11Z")
**Frank** pretty much read me right, but not being there, I can’t really say what ultimately resulted in him saying that, because none of us can _see_ and intuit the interplay that led up to it. Also, _despite the exact words he used,_ it seems all too clear in reading between the lines you were bothering him in some way. Maybe he was having a shitty day. Maybe his dog just died. Or he was just bummed about having to cough up some cash he probably couldn’t afford in the first place. Maybe he’s not talkative, or friendly, or was just being a dick. Whatever the case, if someone tells me to not talk to them, and they owe me nothing, the onus is now on me to respect their wishes or for whatever reason, to escalate it. For reasons a lot of us are having trouble understanding, is why you felt you needed to escalate this situation. 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/169 "2012-04-01T05:02:58Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > **Frank** pretty much read me right, but not being there, I can’t really say what ultimately resulted in him saying that, because none of us can _see_ and intuit the interplay that led up to it. Also, _despite the exact words he used,_ it seems all too clear in reading between the lines you were bothering him in some way. I was just asking the man about the estimate on his headlights. Here is the conversation in its entirety. I even called the man “sir”. :smack: The only thing that I can think of is that I did not attach “sir” to the question I repeated. What went wrong? 😕 (he sits down) **“Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?”** (he indicates that he could not hear the question) **“Are you getting your headlights repaired?”** (he answers in the affirmative) **“What was the estimate?”** “I don’t want to talk to you.” **“For someone who speaks so politely, you are very rude.”** **“You don’t want to talk to me. I want to talk to you.”** “You are brazen.” **“Brazen?”** **“Didn’t you say you don’t want to talk to me?”** > [@cmyk](#): > > Or he was just bummed about having to cough up some cash he probably couldn’t afford in the first place. Who _wouldn’t_ be? > [@cmyk](#): > > Whatever the case, if someone tells me to not talk to them, and they owe me nothing, the onus is now on me to respect their wishes or for whatever reason, to escalate it. I was wrong to escalate it. I was angry, about the money, about my car, and I wanted _advice_. Here’s how the conversation should have went: (he sits down) **“Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?”** (he indicates that he could not hear the question) **“Are you getting your headlights repaired?”** (he answers in the affirmative) **“What was the estimate?”** “I don’t want to talk to you.” **“I was just hoping you could tell me whether I was getting a good estimate. I’m sorry that I offended you. I won’t talk to you anymore today, sir.”** How is this conversation different from the conversation that unfortunately took place? > [@cmyk](#): > > For reasons a lot of us are having trouble understanding, is why you felt you needed to escalate this situation. 😕 In a word, pride. ---
**Author:** ![Meyer6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cc9497/32.png) [@Meyer6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meyer6)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/170 "2012-04-01T06:13:16Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > How is this conversation different from the conversation that unfortunately took place? Are you serious? How is it different? One is a slightly unpleasant interaction, the other is a threatening and socially clueless display. Are you sure the old guy wasn’t trying to give you the brush off earlier on in this interaction? I’m guessing that what you interpreted as ‘sorry I can’t hear you’ was actually ‘look kid, I’m not interested in conversation’. When you didn’t pick up on his signals he was then forced to verbally tell you that he wasn’t interested. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/171 "2012-04-01T11:15:26Z")
Two things: 1. Please stop saying “should have went”. The phrase is “should have **gone** ”. 2. You are not responsible for what the other guy said. You _are_ responsible for what you said. What you have here is an entire thread full of people telling you that the part of the conversation you were responsible for did not go well and we’re not entirely sure why you’re so proud of it. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/172 "2012-04-01T12:07:44Z")
> [@](#): > > “I don’t want to talk to you.” > Implying: “How dare you even think that you may speak to me.” Okay, this is just a projection of your issues and nothing more, straight up. “I don’t want to talk to you.” Means only that. That you interpret it as “How dare you…” only demonstrates that your insecurities are out of control and affecting your interpretation of innocent remarks. When you read, ‘how dare you’, into another’s innocent words, it’s pretty clearly your issue. All you. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2012, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/173 "2012-04-01T12:28:45Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I was just asking the man about the estimate on his headlights. > > Here is the conversation in its entirety. I even called the man “sir”. :smack: The only thing that I can think of is that I did not attach “sir” to the question I repeated. What went wrong? 😕 > > (he sits down) > **“Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?”** > (he indicates that he could not hear the question) > **“Are you getting your headlights repaired?”** > (he answers in the affirmative) > **“What was the estimate?”** > “I don’t want to talk to you.” > **“For someone who speaks so politely, you are very rude.”** > **“You don’t want to talk to me. I want to talk to you.”** > “You are brazen.” > **“Brazen?”** > **“Didn’t you say you don’t want to talk to me?”** > > Who _wouldn’t_ be? > > I was wrong to escalate it. I was angry, about the money, about my car, and I wanted _advice_. Here’s how the conversation should have went: > (he sits down) > **“Are you getting your headlights repaired, sir?”** > (he indicates that he could not hear the question) > **“Are you getting your headlights repaired?”** > (he answers in the affirmative) > **“What was the estimate?”** > “I don’t want to talk to you.” > **“I was just hoping you could tell me whether I was getting a good estimate. I’m sorry that I offended you. I won’t talk to you anymore today, sir.”** > How is this conversation different from the conversation that unfortunately took place? > > In a word, pride. Pride, never easy to ignore. I get it. The red exchange is the part that’s brazen. The rest was goading him, so of course you pissed him off, then began to act strangely by _actually_ remaining silent by taking “Don’t Talk” too literally and not apologizing or keeping to yourself, so you made a scene when you began to mock the guy wearing glasses, and your silence made things even moreso bizarre and unsettling. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/174 "2012-04-02T00:08:16Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Pride, never easy to ignore. I should have known this. :smack: > [@cmyk](#): > > The red exchange is the part that’s brazen. The rest was goading him, so of course you pissed him off I think we’ve analyzed this two minute conversation for days, the end of last month. I, for one, think it’s time to give it a rest. Lesson learned. It’s a new month. I’ve literally 😉 and figuratively turned the page. Tomorrow I’m going to a car shop that a coworker friend I’ve worked with for three years recommended. I told him about the car. I did not ask him to take a look. He volunteered and took the time to see the damage to the car. “It’s not too bad”, he said. I nodded. I pointed to the hood, fender, bumper and headlight. He said to have someone heavy sit on the hood or get a rubber mallet and pound out the dent. He said I could get the broken plastic replaced. I told him I’m not worried about the fender or the bumper. He said get the hood repaired and get the plastic replaced. I thanked him and he went his way. I want to get my car fixed so that I will be ready for the next car accident. It’s an old, beat up car anyway. Michigan drivers… > [@cmyk](#): > > so you made a scene when you began to mock the guy wearing glasses No, I already made a scene when I said what you highlighted in red. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/175 "2012-04-02T01:47:26Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > I, for one, think it’s time to give it a rest. dude. You was the bitch brought it up. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/176 "2012-04-02T02:01:40Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > dude. You was the bitch brought it up. While I respect your opinion, I do not want to go over the conversation, or any variation thereof, again, unless you can discuss the [cooperative principle](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cooperative_principle). Other posters are, of course, free to discuss the cooperative principle. Moderators are welcome to close this thread at their discretion. ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/177 "2012-04-02T02:30:56Z")
I’m convinced that Kosmik is every person in this story and was just arguing with himself. It’s the only way it makes any sense. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/178 "2012-04-02T07:35:38Z")
> [@Sue\_Duhnym](#): > > I’m convinced that Kosmik is every person in this story and was just arguing with himself. It’s the only way it makes any sense. Malcovitch! Malcovitch! Malcovitch! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/179 "2012-04-02T10:01:47Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > While I respect your opinion, I do not want to go over the conversation, or any variation thereof, again. Who asked you? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2012, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093/180 "2012-04-02T13:27:47Z")
Universal Pictures today announced that it was withdrawing its copyright infringement lawsuit against the producers of the new film _Being Kozmik_ after it suffered the worst box-office opening weekend of all time. In addition to the record-breaking poor attendance, the film has attracted near-universal critical scorn and is thought to be a motivating factor in the recent alleged suicide of film critic Leonard Maltin. In a press statement released Monday, Universal President and CEO Ron Meyer said the existence of the film itself was “punishment enough.” \* Being John Malkovich\* director Spike Jonze, reportedly off doing something adorable and twee, could not be reached for comment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-mr-feeny-tells-you-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you-dont-believe-him/617093.md?page=10)