Really? I mean, it’s ingrained in me to spell well-known names such as “Sandy” and “Alice” conventionally, but I manage to make exceptions in cases where I know the person (even if it’s “just one person”) prefers a bizarre or unique spelling such as “Sandee” or “Alyce”.
I certainly wouldn’t let my preference for conventional nomenclature override the other person’s preference about the form of their own name. Even if I do happen to think that spellings like “Sandee” or “Alyce” or “Kaytlyn”, etc., are silly, precious and annoying. My opinion of their motivation in writing their names unconventionally has no place in determining how I write their names to communicate with or about them.
Mind you, I completely agree that people using any kind of unconventional form for their names, whether it involves spelling, capitalization, punctuation or all of the above, should be tolerant of other people’s confusion and mistakes about it. Anybody who expects you to know their name is written in an unusual way without being told is indeed being a self-important asshole.
But if somebody informs me politely that they write (or for that matter, pronounce) their name in an unusual way, however weird it is, I think the polite thing to do is to reproduce that version as accurately as I can, without letting my personal “issues” about other people’s idiotic idiosyncrasies get in the way.
Of course, none of these individual responses from anybody really counts as a GQ-type answer, but I’m not sure it was a GQ-type question.