# When someone drags their feet on fulfilling a favor **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674 "2013-08-19T23:07:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![whc.03grady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@whc.03grady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whc.03grady)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/1 "2013-08-19T23:07:32Z")
My wife found an awesome deal on a bike and kid’s seat on craigslist. The catch was it was in Omaha and we live in Montana. But, we know people in Omaha and asked one of them if she’d go get it and take it to a bicycle shop so it could be properly packaged and shipped. We covered all the money. She said it wouldn’t be any big problem. We asked her to hold off on sending the seat because we didn’t need it right away, it would’ve been really expensive to ship, and we knew we were coming to Omaha the next Summer anyway and would just get it then. In the meantime she kept it in her garage, which is not wanting for space. She said this’d be no problem. Next Summer turned into this Summer and we planned on meeting while we were in Omaha to get it from her, and to eat dinner together. She was all sure sure, no problem. Well, when we got to the place she didn’t have it. Okay, that’s fine, we’ll just meet tomorrow in Lincoln (where we were going next and where she works) and get it then, we agreed. Comes tomorrow and she can’t do it. Nor the next day. We left for home without it. Now she says she’s sending it and is acting like it’s such a huge inconvenience and she’s doing us such a huge favor, but I’m thinking, sh!t, you would’ve made it a lot easier on yourself if you’d just’ve brought it to us when we met in Omaha _like we’d planned all along_! At what point do I, or do I, get to say to her, “Hey quit bitching about the inconvenience of it all. We had ample opportunity to make it as easy on you as possible and you inexplicably dropped the ball. If it was gonna be such a pain in the ass you shouldn’t’ve agreed to do it in the first place.”? ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/2 "2013-08-19T23:27:03Z")
Her not delivering the item in an efficient manner is annoying, but to be honest having someone jump through all those hoops of picking up the items from a local Craig’s List seller, bringing to the bike store for boxing, then storage in her garage for a year, then the expectation that she would be humping it to your meeting so you can save some money is a lot more than just “a favor”. > [@](#): > > Now she says she’s sending it and is acting like it’s such a huge inconvenience and she’s doing us such a huge favor It’s both but she didn’t realize it until too late and now she’s pissed. She’s doing you a HUGE favor. You should never have asked her to do this. You are \*really \*putting this person to work for your great deal and honestly you seem not to fully recognize this. ---
**Author:** ![whc.03grady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a6a055/32.png) [@whc.03grady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whc.03grady)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/3 "2013-08-19T23:41:55Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Her not delivering the item in an efficient manner is annoying, but to be honest having someone jump through all those hoops of picking up the items from a local Craig’s List seller, bringing to the bike store for boxing, then storage in her garage for a year, then the expectation that she would be humping it to your meeting so you can save some money is a lot more than just “a favor”. She’s doing you a HUGE favor. You should never have asked her to do this. You are _really_putting this person to work for your great deal and honestly you seem not to fully recognize this. We were perfectly clear what was involved from the outset, and she agreed to it all beforehand. Nothing unexpected came up in the meantime, like “Oh, it’s not where they said it was so you’ll have to drive an hour and-a-half to get it” or anything like that. All the hoops were explicit from the beginning, and she was emphatic that it’d be no big deal. So yes, I fully recognize the work she’s done for us. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/4 "2013-08-19T23:51:59Z")
> [@whc.03grady](#): > > We were perfectly clear what was involved from the outset, and she agreed to it all beforehand. Nothing unexpected came up in the meantime, like “Oh, it’s not where they said it was so you’ll have to drive an hour and-a-half to get it” or anything like that. All the hoops were explicit from the beginning, and she was emphatic that it’d be no big deal. > So yes, I fully recognize the work she’s done for us. I suppose my point is you shouldn’t have asked her to do this in the first place, some people are too polite to say “no” or aren’t thinking about the work involved. It’s a ridiculous level of imposition on another person just to get your CL deal. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/5 "2013-08-20T00:24:30Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I suppose my point is you shouldn’t have asked her to do this in the first place, some people are too polite to say “no” or aren’t thinking about the work involved. It’s a ridiculous level of imposition on another person just to get your CL deal. I have to agree, it’s a pretty big imposition even if they said yes up front. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/6 "2013-08-20T00:54:18Z")
Did you give her any kind of thank you gift after they shipped the bike? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/7 "2013-08-20T01:37:30Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > I have to agree, it’s a pretty big imposition even if they said yes up front. It is a fairly large favour to ask from someone - go get my good deal, take it to the bike shop, keep the seat, bring the seat later - I know she said no problem, but (in my opinion), people have to be careful how much they ask of other people. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/8 "2013-08-20T15:25:39Z")
I agree. Way too much to ask. I’d let the matter drop, and if she ends up sending the seat, send a nice thank you gift in return for all the hassle. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/9 "2013-08-20T18:34:42Z")
HOMER SIMPSON, on the phone: Hello, Jerry? It’s Homer. Remember last week when I repaid that $50 you lent me? Well, now I need _you_ to do _me_ a favor! ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/10 "2013-08-20T18:57:14Z")
Dumb Bitch! Why the hell didn’t she just strap the seat on the bike and _ride it_ to Montana for you? Some people, I swear! ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/11 "2013-08-20T21:05:40Z")
There is a large group of motorcycle people that do these kinds of thing plus send free parts on their own dime, getting whole motorcycle shipped across country just because they are all friends. Not club members, just friends. I have other friends who I would not even think, there would be a problem, & they would not do this for me. I think they just asked the wrong person, an acquaintance or less than a good friend. I would think that the lady who said she would do this is a flake because she forgot it when it was mentioned for the first meet & she still forgot??? I bet it was being used or someplace else & she could not produce it. Cost her time & money to fix that little oops & she is mad she got caught out. Trying to make up stuff until she could fix things. Something in the wood pile here IMO. ---
**Author:** ![yorick73](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b5a626/32.png) [@yorick73](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yorick73)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/12 "2013-08-20T22:00:17Z")
C’mon. The “big deal” part has been taken care of a year ago. All this woman had to do was walk into her garage and bring the seat with her to the planned meeting. Regardless of what a PITA the picking up and shipping was, that’s over. I don’t think she has the right to complain since the OP agreed to meet her in numerous locations on numerous days near her home. She dropped the ball on the simplest of the tasks and now making sound like an imposition that she has to ship it. ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/13 "2013-08-20T22:06:37Z")
Too much hassle for a craigslist deal ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/14 "2013-08-20T22:29:34Z")
You said she has space in her garage. I translate that as that she tries her hardest to _keep_ her space empty. She might have put the seat further out of the way, might even have cleared it out again by mistake. I agree that this was too much to ask. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2013, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/15 "2013-08-20T22:36:09Z")
It was a huge hassle for this friend of yours, and you really should have done something extra nice for them. Sounds like this person felt slighted and wants to get back at you now. So, congrats on your deal. Sorry you lost a friend over it. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/16 "2013-08-21T03:14:14Z")
Why didn’t you just drive to their house after dinner and get it? ---
**Author:** ![DataX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DataX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DataX)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2013, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/17 "2013-08-21T03:36:35Z")
Did you pay her the money when you “covered all the money”? If so - well I’d say its gone - except I don’t get why she showed up at all. I’d put this down under lessons learned. I can’t believe the things people ask as “favors”. Some people aren’t good at saying no. Why she is doing this I have no idea, but seems like way too much to ask to start out with. Have you offered to pick it up from her house? If not - why not? I certainly wouldn’t feel like lugging a bike (not sure if you have that already) and kids seat if the person had settled on picking it up from me originally (even if they originally agreed to ship it first). The onus is on you to make it convenient for her. She obviously isn’t 100% reliable if she forgot to bring it to dinner. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/18 "2013-08-22T11:22:44Z")
> [@](#): > > My wife found an awesome deal on a bike and kid’s seat on craigslist. The catch was it was in Omaha and we live in Montana. That should have been the deal breaker right there. Your wife should have clicked out of that ad, set the filter to your hometown, and searched for awesome deals within a reasonable driving distance. > [@](#): > > …it would’ve been really expensive to ship Then your “awesome” deal wasn’t such an awesome deal, after all. In the future, add in shipping costs BEFORE determining whether it’s a great deal. Don’t even look for deals outside of your immediate area. Then you won’t have to rely on the kindness of friends. > [@](#): > > Comes tomorrow and she can’t do it. Nor the next day. “Thanks once again for shipping that bike to us and storing the car seat for us for so long. Since we can’t seem to connect up, if you’d be kind enough to leave the car seat on the front porch sometime tomorrow, we’ll swing by and pick it up. And thanks again.” Finally, brand new car seats can be bought for $100. How much could you have possibly saved in order to justify inconveniencing your friend to this degree? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/19 "2013-08-22T11:51:35Z")
To me, a favour is when you ask a friend if you can change the time you’re going to meet. You describe your purchase as an ‘awesome deal’. However it involves a friend: - getting the item it and taking it to a bicycle shop - making sure it was properly packaged and shipped - storing part of it for a long time - bringing the part to a rendezvous All this just to save you money. You expected all this time and effort at no charge and now because there was a problem, it’s all her fault. I’m sorry, but you are in the wrong and should apologise. And of course some people are too polite to say “What the hell? How many requests are you going to make of me?” ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2013, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674/20 "2013-08-22T13:09:44Z")
As a rule, you ask friends only for stuff that only they can provide. Like going with you to something, or comforting or advising you. If you could also \*hire someone to do it for you \*(moving, painting, shipping, storing stuff etc) you can’t ask it from a friend. Unless you want to lose the friend. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-someone-drags-their-feet-on-fulfilling-a-favor/666674.md?page=2)