# When "Sorry" Doesn't Do It **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 6, 2012, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606 "2012-01-06T08:45:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/21 "2012-01-06T17:34:32Z")
My standard apology: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” ---
**Author:** ![3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/47e85d/32.png) [@3\_20\_59\_or\_bust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3_20_59_or_bust)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/22 "2012-01-06T17:40:36Z")
I think that the “fix it” part is what people usually forget. No, you can’t “fix” every mistake. But there are always things you can do to improve the situation on some way. Run someone over when you’re drunk? Saying “sorry” and going to jail for a month really doesn’t do anything for anyone. But spending the next five years donating money to the cause, donating your time to the cause, and doing things that insure both you and others don’t make the same mistake can go a long way. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/23 "2012-01-06T18:20:54Z")
> [@brittekland](#): > > When AIDS became known first in early 80s, there were series of announcements from Surgeon General and CDC on possible ways of AIDS virus transmission such as whether one could get AIDS from the toilet seat or from tears, etc to ease the mass hysteria setting in. I used to think, in the infancy of discovery of the virus, “What if they discover later, after causing multitude of infections and death, they are wrong? What are they going to say? Say, they are sorry?” Luckily I don’t think they were wrong about toilet seat and tears. Funny you should mention that. When AIDS was just beginning to be noticed, one of the confident announcements made (before they even had found the cause) was that you **could not possibly** get it from blood transfusions. I remember hearing that and thinking, “what on earth are they on about if they don’t yet know the cause? They probably just want to ‘instill confidence in the blood supply’ so people will keep donating.” It turned out, of course, that not only could you get it from transfusions, but that hemophiliacs were _much more likely_ to get it due to being treated by a concentration of blood products from many sources (thus raising the odds a unit of infected blood would be included. I never saw any public apology or any kind of remorse following when there was a wave of AIDS deaths among hemophiliac patients. Yes, the blood supply is very safe NOW, but I’m talking about the very early days as the AIDS panic developed. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/24 "2012-01-06T19:00:45Z")
Nothing says “I’m sorry” like 10 million dollars - > [@](#): > > The Saskatchewan government then apologized for the wrongful conviction. On July 25, 1997, Larry Fisher was arrested for the murder and rape of Ms. Miller. On May 17, 1999, the Saskatchewan government announced that a settlement had been reached with Milgaard, and that he would be paid compensation of C$10 million. ([David Milgaard’s case of wrongful conviction](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Milgaard) - acquitted after he spent 23 year in jail for a crime he didn’t commit.) ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/25 "2012-01-06T19:57:58Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > My standard apology: > > “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” Then what did you have sexual relations with? ---
**Author:** ![ballardfam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8797f3/32.png) [@ballardfam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ballardfam)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/26 "2012-01-06T20:06:34Z")
> [@brittekland](#): > > What are some egregious examples of “Sorry” (even with fines and penalties) just not cutting it? I had a coworker who’s husband said to her, during a bad accident, “I slept with your sister and she was a lot better than you”. Kind of impossible to take back or rise above. At least for her but she had a lot of issues with her sister even before that. She did say that what killed the relationship wasn’t as much the “I slept with your sister” as it was the “she was a lot better than you”. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/27 "2012-01-06T20:06:52Z")
> [@Sailboat](#): > > Yes, the blood supply is very safe NOW, but I’m talking about the very early days as the AIDS panic developed. Now you just sign your John Henry on the statement that say ‘you understand that you can get HIV from the blood you are about to get’. When my father peed out like 2/3 of his blood from stomach ulceration he got from taking aspirin and drinking, he was green yet he refused to sign on the dotted line saying he did want to get AIDS. I told him, “Dad, you have to live first before you can get AIDS.” It confused him first but then he relented. ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2012, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/28 "2012-01-06T23:55:13Z")
This is a really strange pitting. The OP seems to be wishing for something to be angry about, but actually can’t think of anything specific. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/29 "2012-01-07T01:04:42Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > I hate it when you take my thoughts and convey them more clearly than I would. You should be sorry. I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt when you read my awesome post. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/30 "2012-01-07T01:13:50Z")
> [@ballardfam](#): > > I had a coworker who’s husband said to her, during a bad accident, “I slept with your sister and she was a lot better than you”. Kind of impossible to take back or rise above. At least for her but she had a lot of issues with her sister even before that. She did say that what killed the relationship wasn’t as much the “I slept with your sister” as it was the “she was a lot better than you”. Do you mean something like a bad car accident and he wanted those to be his last words? ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/31 "2012-01-07T13:08:03Z")
If I told my wife her sister was a lot better then her in bed it would certainly be my last words. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/32 "2012-01-07T13:35:16Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I’m sorry if your feelings were hurt when you read my awesome post. 😉 Isn’t that a [nonpology](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nonpology), instead of an apology? Useful word, nonpology. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/33 "2012-01-07T13:39:42Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > Isn’t that a [nonpology](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nonpology), instead of an apology? Useful word, nonpology. Oooh, I like that! ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/34 "2012-01-07T14:01:15Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Oooh, I like that! Hear, hear. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/35 "2012-01-07T14:04:40Z")
Irishchild is 2 1/2. So, she spends a lot of time on the naughty step, thinking about what she did. Sometimes it doesn’t work. “Why are you here?” " Because I threw Cheerios all over the floor and won’t clean it up" “Are you sorry?” “Yes” " Will you do it again?" “Yes! It was fun and you made funny noises when I ran away! Cuddles mummy!” Sometimes I think the nonpology folks’ parents, at that point, gave up and continued to clear up the Cheerios. Which is not in the good parent handbook. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/36 "2012-01-07T14:15:21Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > Irishchild is 2 1/2. So, she spends a lot of time on the naughty step, thinking about what she did. > > Sometimes it doesn’t work. > > “Why are you here?” > " Because I threw Cheerios all over the floor and won’t clean it up" > “Are you sorry?” > “Yes” > " Will you do it again?" > “Yes! It was fun and you made funny noises when I ran away! Cuddles mummy!” > > Sometimes I think the nonpology folks’ parents, at that point, gave up and continued to clear up the Cheerios. > > Which is not in the good parent handbook. 😃 There was a point, right around that age, where I had to amend my parenting strategy from the ideal natural consequences one. See, my daughter really likes to clean. Always has. So when the spaghetti sauce ended up all over the wall, she saw the clean up as a reward, not a deterrent! Eventually, I figured out I had to make her stand three feet away and watch \*me \*clean it up without helping, which was agony for her. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/37 "2012-01-07T14:39:01Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > 😃 > > There was a point, right around that age, where I had to amend my parenting strategy from the ideal natural consequences one. > > See, my daughter really likes to clean. Always has. So when the spaghetti sauce ended up all over the wall, she saw the clean up as a reward, not a deterrent! > > Eventually, I figured out I had to make her stand three feet away and watch \*me \*clean it up without helping, which was agony for her. Boy, I guess handing out punishment can get complicated… how do we punish a natural masochist/philanthropist? Restrict them from getting off through hurting themselves and make restitution/give? ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/38 "2012-01-07T14:41:48Z")
When a law was proposed in 2004 to issue concealed carry licenses in Ohio, the anti-gunners lobbied _ **very** _ hard against it, warning the press there would be “blood on the streets” if such a law was enacted. The law passed, and [a quarter of a million licenses have been issued over the past seven years](http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2011/03/02/ohio-issued-60-000-concealed-carry-permits-last-year.html). The predictions by the anti-gunners have been proven wrong; there is no “blood on the streets.” And there are many instances where a CC license-holder has defended him/herself with a concealed weapon. Strangely, the **anti-gunners have never apologized for their dire predictions**. ---
**Author:** ![brittekland](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@brittekland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brittekland)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2012, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/39 "2012-01-07T14:44:14Z")
Hmmm… ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2012, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606/40 "2012-01-08T01:55:47Z")
When I called the man who gave me herpes to say “you need to go get tested for this, because you’re the only one who could have given it to me,” his answer was a very mechanical “I’m so sorry you have to go through this.” While I don’t have hard evidence, I’m fairly sure he already knew he had herpes and had infected me, not exactly on purpose, but out of a level of denial combined with some sort of displaced vengeance against the person who’d given it to him. So, saying “I’m so sorry you have to go through this,” didn’t really cut it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-sorry-doesnt-do-it/608606.md?page=3)