# When the fattiest pit the food, you know we're in trouble **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2008, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042 "2008-01-18T17:24:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![fatgail](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fatgail/32/7285_2.png) [@fatgail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatgail)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/1 "2008-01-18T17:24:47Z")
I…have been around this great big world and i’ve seen all kinds of breakfast tasties. As of late, I am venturing back to an old standby- the cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese. JUST the amount of sweetness and cheesieness to make my life worth living from 8:30 to 8:50. But is it too much to fucking ask that the bagel elves of the world use a separate bowl/mixer/pot/oven for the sweet bagels than for the savories? I realize the times, they are a-changin’ and that there are new innovative food combos arriving at our doorsteps daily. Who would eat Wasabi Chocolate? Not me, but I guess it’s all the rage with the jet set. It is with this in mind that I bite into my bagel only to be encountered by a _giant fucking piece of garlic_. The **Good Book** tells us that if your hand offends thee, cut it off. Well I cut that fucking bagel off, sister. It was simple survival instinct to hurl the half eaten ring across the room, step on it, throw a lit match on it and pee out the fire. Are you trying to tell me that at your successful, busy bagel shop in downtown Chicago you can’t set aside ONE AREA to be garlic free? Do you also put chervil in your creme horns? Can I get an oregano cannoli? I’ll be back on Monday you son of a bitch, and I’ll be ordering a raisin bagel, and so help you God, if I encounter garlic…I…I can’t even say what I’ll do. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/2 "2008-01-18T17:37:25Z")
Words fail me. I think I’m going to go find a nice garlicky bagel in the break room. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/3 "2008-01-18T17:40:04Z")
Well that sucks. I’ve had “contaminated” food like that in similar situations. I somehow got tuna in my BLT sandwich. I hate tuna. But this wasabi chocolate you speak of sound delicious. I’m off to find some. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/4 "2008-01-18T17:44:44Z")
I have to say this made me laugh out loud today. I stopped on my way in to work this morning at Panera to get some bread for this weekend’s inevitable fondue-dipping enjoyment (don’t ask – my 15 yo got a fondue set for Xmas), and thought about getting a bagel. Thought about it until I remembered the last time I got a bagel that was supposed to be a cinnamon crunch (I might actually want something that sweet once in 6 months???) but as I bit into the nice, toasted, cream cheesed bagel, it tasted of onions. Someone had apparently decided to chuck a few of the “everything” bagels into the same bin as the cinnamon crunch. Gag. Wretch. Hurl the offending waste of $3 into the trash. Oh well. Live and learn. Wasabi chocolate sounds yummy, by the by. But then again, I am a purist and still put cayenne in the mix when I make my patented hot dark mayan chocolate for winter warmth. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/5 "2008-01-18T17:50:57Z")
Isn’t it a bit dangerous for a female to pee on anything flaming? ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/6 "2008-01-18T17:54:59Z")
Well, she can hardly miss. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/7 "2008-01-18T17:59:05Z")
The folks at the Quick Check where I get my sandwich are very tired of my asking them to wash the knife before they cut the sandwich. But the previous sandwich very likely had onions or ::the horror:: peppers on it. I don’t want to taste nasty onions and pepper on my sammich, thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![fatgail](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fatgail/32/7285_2.png) [@fatgail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatgail)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/8 "2008-01-18T18:01:59Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] Well, she can hardly miss. [/QUOTE] I have an exceptionally wide urethra. Or so I hear :: wink wink :: ---
**Author:** ![lalenin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@lalenin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lalenin)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/9 "2008-01-18T18:51:32Z")
[QUOTE=Really Not All That Bright] Words fail me. I think I’m going to go find a nice garlicky bagel in the break room. [/QUOTE] Make sure it’s not moist, or hasn’t recently been on fire. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/10 "2008-01-18T18:58:49Z")
[QUOTE=MLS] The folks at the Quick Check where I get my sandwich are very tired of my asking them to wash the knife before they cut the sandwich. But the previous sandwich very likely had onions or ::the horror:: peppers on it. I don’t want to taste nasty onions and pepper on my sammich, thank you very much. [/QUOTE] I do that at Subway. I’ve watched them cut the turkey with everything and honey mustard that I’m getting for **supervenusfreak** in half and then use the same knife on my ham/nothing/oil & vinegar. Ewww…I do not need honey mustard and peppers and crap on my nice little ham/nothing/oil&vinegar, dammit! ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/11 "2008-01-18T19:22:39Z")
[QUOTE=jayjay] I do that at Subway. I’ve watched them cut the turkey with everything and honey mustard that I’m getting for **supervenusfreak** in half and then use the same knife on my ham/nothing/oil & vinegar. Ewww…I do not need honey mustard and peppers and crap on my nice little ham/nothing/oil&vinegar, dammit! [/QUOTE] Yes you did. You just didn’t realize it. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/12 "2008-01-18T19:33:09Z")
[QUOTE=fatgail] Who would eat Wasabi Chocolate? Not me, but I guess it’s all the rage with the jet set. It is with this in mind that I bite into my bagel only to be encountered by a _giant fucking piece of garlic_. [/QUOTE] Would a chunk of wasabi have been preferable? I think a bagel with big chunks of elephant garlic would be neat. For some reason this OP reminds me of the time my mother found what she thought was liver spread/pate at a salad bar, spread it on a cracker and began eating it only to discover that what she thought was pate was actually some kind of grainy chocolate pudding. Years later, she still spoke of this incident with horror. ---
**Author:** ![fatgail](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fatgail/32/7285_2.png) [@fatgail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatgail)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/13 "2008-01-18T19:46:27Z")
[QUOTE=Jackmannii] I think a bagel with big chunks of elephant garlic would be neat. [/QUOTE] Hey, of course we all love a good garlic bagel, but when it’s also a cinnamon raisin bagel, garlic just isn’t invited. And don’t give me your “garlic goes with anything” pal…I’ll cut you. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/14 "2008-01-18T20:06:06Z")
[QUOTE=fatgail] I have an exceptionally wide urethra. Or so I hear :: wink wink :: [/QUOTE] Wait, what is that supposed to mean? You do it in the pee hole? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/15 "2008-01-18T20:27:02Z")
[QUOTE=fatgail] I have an exceptionally wide urethra. Or so I hear :: wink wink :: [/QUOTE] Okay, I admit it. You’re amazing. Please stay. ---
**Author:** ![fatgail](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fatgail/32/7285_2.png) [@fatgail](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatgail)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/16 "2008-01-18T20:34:46Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Wait, what is that supposed to mean? You do it in the pee hole? :dubious: [/QUOTE] Once you go pee, you’ll never flee. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/17 "2008-01-18T20:57:41Z")
[QUOTE=Cluricaun] Wait, what is that supposed to mean? You do it in the pee hole? :dubious: [/QUOTE] Of course not, silly. She means she gives birth out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Billdo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/billdo/32/315_2.png) [@Billdo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billdo)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/18 "2008-01-18T21:01:43Z")
Wait one minute! You’re eating a sweet abomination like a cinnamon-raisn bagel and you presume to complain that such travesties are allowed to travel with actual, worthwhile savory bagels. If you want somewhere garlic-free, feel free to go elsewhere than a bagel shop. I suppose, thinking about it, I agree with you that sweet bagels should not be put with savory bagels, but where I differ is that sweet bagels should not be put anywhere at all, save the trash where they belong. ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/19 "2008-01-18T21:05:50Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] Of course not, silly. She means she gives birth out of it. [/QUOTE] Someone please stop all the wooshing on me. It’s messing up my hair. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2008, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042/20 "2008-01-18T21:46:44Z")
[QUOTE=Billdo] I suppose, thinking about it, I agree with you that sweet bagels should not be put with savory bagels, but where I differ is that sweet bagels should not be put anywhere at all, save the trash where they belong. [/QUOTE] :golfclap: And garlic _does_ go with everything. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-fattiest-pit-the-food-you-know-were-in-trouble/434042.md?page=2)