# When the hell am I going to grow up?!?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 16, 2005, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083 "2005-05-16T16:33:09Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/21 "2005-05-16T18:53:33Z")
I’m 30, and I have not lost my awareness of the humor of farts and poo.
Growing older is mandatory, growing up is optional 😃
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### Author:  [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/22 "2005-05-16T18:55:50Z")
I’m 29, my SO is 27, and we congratulate each other when we belch really loudly.
Why should we grow up?
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### Author:  [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/23 "2005-05-16T19:37:39Z")
> [@lieu](#):
>
> I’m with ya dude. On my way downstairs to get lunch I saw a paper sign pointing out where the “GRA meeting” is being held. I’m about to go back down and scribble “VIA” in front of it.
I was just walking past the local church here and saw their youth group bus, that had “1st Assembly of God” spray painted on the side. All I could think was I have to come back at night and paint over the -embly. Except that the youths in question would probably think it was childish 😛 .
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### Author:  [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/24 "2005-05-16T19:38:51Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#):
>
> There were some off-white, silvery beads, and the host said “…and what woman doesn’t want a pearl necklace?”
>
> I freakin’ lost it!
I’ve heard this one before, but I don’t get it. 😕
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### Author:  [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/25 "2005-05-16T19:46:38Z")
psst…(TMI)
A pearl necklace is what happens when oral sex results in spillage onto the neck area.
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### Author:  [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/26 "2005-05-16T19:47:49Z")
And bad coding is what happens when you’re an idiot. :smack:
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/27 "2005-05-16T20:11:07Z")
I was walking by Caroline’s cubicle and heard her telling Liz, “I’ve never gotten my hair cut in _that_ area before,” and I did a Margaret Dumont, “Well, _really!_”
Caroline laughed and turned bright red and said, “I meant Park Slope!” “Oh, is _that_ what they’re calling it these days?” I asked.
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### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/28 "2005-05-16T20:17:45Z")
_spittake_
There goes the library’s monitor…
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [May 16, 2005, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/29 "2005-05-16T20:19:18Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#):
>
> psst…(TMI)
>
> A pearl necklace is what happens when oral sex results in spillage onto the neck area.
The term came up in my work lunchroom once while talking about ZZ top. A coworker of mine had never heard the term before, which was surprising because she was otherwise rather hip to these kind of things. When I told her, she absentmindedly said to herself, “Oh yeah, that. [husband] likes doing that.”
I used to have a cube that was back to back with another cube. I can hear a girl from another division talking to my coworker but because I’m on my computer, my back is to them. The visiting girl is raving about her great new apartment but at the end, she says, “All I need now is to get some guy out there to trim my bush.” After that, there was complete silence and I didn’t dare turn around or even stop typing because I could feel their eyes boring into the back of my skull.
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### Author:  [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/30 "2005-05-17T04:56:37Z")
> [@fishbicycle](#):
>
> Hey, listen, you have nothing to worry about! I do it, too. On the weekend, my wife was watching one of those decorating shows on HGTV. The female host had a tray of different-colored items to show how they would blend with the room. There were some off-white, silvery beads, and the host said “…and what woman doesn’t want a pearl necklace?”
>
> I freakin’ lost it!
I can only think that [Brini Maxwell](http://www.stylenetwork.com/Shows/BriniMaxwell/) would have uttered that.
And if that IS the case, it makes that quote a LOT funnier.
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### Author:  [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/31 "2005-05-17T05:16:25Z")
> [@GrizzRich](#):
>
> I can only think that [Brini Maxwell](http://www.stylenetwork.com/Shows/BriniMaxwell/) would have uttered that.
No, actually, it was Jane Lockhart, on the show [Get Color](http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/shows_hgcor). Different network. She sounded so sincere, too! I can’t think of how that got by all the people who work on the show. Then again, you can’t watch a show on HGTV or Food Network that isn’t filled with the most gawdawful puns and plays on words. Don’t just give us the information, sit around and think of the stupidest possible way to say it. The people who write these scripts need to be slapped.
Is Brini Maxwell habitually ditzy or something?
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### Author:  [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/32 "2005-05-17T05:20:00Z")
I have a new defintion of Wisdom- “Wisdom is when you \*don’t \*ask the question to which you _really_ don’t want to know the answer”. Example- “What is crawling on my back?” Better- “Get whatever it is off my back- and never, ever, tell me what it was…”. :eek:
Thus, unless you tend to spout these off in meetings with the Big Cheese- you can still be 'grown up". 😃
Thanx for the laffs, dudes. 🆒
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### Author:  [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/33 "2005-05-17T05:23:30Z")
**Daithi,** if you ever stop laughing at jokes like this, then you can start to worry. Having a juvenile sense of humor makes life so much more fun!
I’ve told this story before, so I hope people aren’t getting tired of it (if you are, too bad, I’m going to tell it again anyway). Our computer support person got a set of juggling balls from some hardware company, and they were sitting in his mailbox for a very long time. I was wondering if he’d miss them if they just kind of disappeared out of his mailbox. So I was discussing this important issue with a co-worker, and the director came by. I said (very innocently) “We’re playing with Jeff’s balls!” He just looked at us funny and left, and we both laughed and laughed and laughed.
**V-Bob,** you reminded me of this joke:
Have you ever smelled mothballs?
How did you get your nose between his tiny little legs?
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### Author:  [@LifeOnWry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LifeOnWry)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/34 "2005-05-17T05:30:19Z")
**MagicEyes** , you’ll like this one. My husband and I are friends with a couple about 20 years older than we are. Last weekend, the husband of that couple brought his Bocce set to a picnic we were at. My husband remembered that I complained my father would never let me play Bocce because “it’s a MAN’S game” so he told me (jokingly) that I couldn’t play. The older gentleman said, very loudly, “Hey! These are MY balls and I said she could play with them all she wants!”
Total silence fell, and then I fell over laughing.
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### Author:  [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/35 "2005-05-17T05:30:58Z")
Dirty jokes in and of themselves don’t usually do it for me, but “added” entendres: (VIA)GRA, (Beer) Battered Women, and so on… KILL me. I think it’s the sneaky factor that does me in.
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/36 "2005-05-17T05:43:56Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> Of course I am well above such childish things.
>
> I like, for example, the music hall. Lights, music and …
>
> …
>
> wait for it
>
> …
>
> Le Petomaine!
>
> (from Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson: the ‘rectal whistler’ known as Le Petomaine…)
And the obligatory link to the Master’s take on the _“Fartiste.”_
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### Author:  [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/37 "2005-05-17T05:44:59Z")
It would help even more if I gave you the link:
[http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1\_394.html](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_394.html)
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### Author:  [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/38 "2005-05-17T05:47:39Z")
Juvenile jokes are the best. I’ll add mine.
Back in the Good Old Days, **The Highwayman** and I attended class together at our JC. One of which was astronomy (we always called it asstronomy. Just 'cause we could.) Anyways, the prof there had never taught class before. Good lord, the idiots in that class - but I digress.
No, the incident here (and there were lots of incidents in that class, but this is the best one) came towards the end of the term. The topic of the lecture: Uranus (and he still pronounced it “your-anus” instead of the less funny “urine-us”).
It was enough for a chuckle between the two of us (the two top students in the class who sat at the back of the lecture hall). No, it made even worse, when prof. discussed the rotation and orbit of Our Gassy Seventh Planet.
Prof: “So you see, Uranus is actually corkscrewing.”
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder or longer. Trying to contain it only made it worse. Class actually stopped while we regained our composure.
Og how I miss that semester.
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### Author:  [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/39 "2005-05-17T06:50:49Z")
The place: a fancy restaurant on Mother’s Day. Everybody orders food.
Waiter: “Would you like your greens mixed?”
Me: “Sorry, what?”
Waiter: “Do you want your salad tossed?”
I mean, Jesus, I tried and tried to remain composed but that one was handed to me on a silver platter. I think I spent about ten seconds with my jaw pressed into my palm before finally choking out “No thank you.” At least I wasn’t alone in laughing at it when he left.
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### Author:  [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)
#### Post date: [May 17, 2005, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-the-hell-am-i-going-to-grow-up/304083/40 "2005-05-17T07:15:22Z")
You’re not alone dude, I’ve got proof positive right here on these boards.
[Do you wash your cat? How do you wash your cat?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=315866&highlight=wash)
I think I was the only kid in that thread. Or at least last I checked I was…
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