# When Ugly Girls Read **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 22, 2001, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909 "2001-10-22T18:33:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Skyblukat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c57346/32.png) [@Skyblukat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skyblukat)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/121 "2001-10-29T05:22:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Habib \* > \*\*Hi, I’m looking for a girl looking for a good time. Must be over 18 years old. I’m not too picky (please, not hideous though). I’m a 5’11" Arab male. I speak fluent English. I’m not a terrorist. Please feel free to contact me. > > Habib \*\* …Well…Since he’s not a terrorist…😉 ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/122 "2001-10-29T05:26:50Z")
**Muffin** , will you marry me? Or, will you at least be my lawyer? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/123 "2001-10-29T05:55:14Z")
If you get to marry him **Ginger** , I at least want to be his mistress. **Muffin** you are positively delightful, now let me just wipe the milk that just shot out my nose of the keyboard… Al. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/124 "2001-10-29T06:08:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\ ***Muffin** , will you marry me? > > Or, will you at least be my lawyer? \*\* _{Muffin continues to melt under such warm words from the Lady of the North.}_ “Yes and yes!” burbbles the puddle on the floor, “I’m terrifically fond of you.” ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/125 "2001-10-29T06:51:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*If you get to marry him **Ginger** , I at least want to be his mistress. > > **Muffin** you are positively delightful, now let me just wipe the milk that just shot out my nose of the keyboard… > > Al. \*\* _{So the Queen of the North and Muffin began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then treading gently on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their fore-paws to mark the time:}_ “Will you, wo’n’t you, Will you, wo’n’t you, Will you join the dance?” “Will you, wo’n’t you, Will you, wo’n’t you, Wo’n’t you join the dance?” ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/126 "2001-10-29T08:41:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > \*\ ***Muffin** , will you marry me? > > \*\* Isn’t that the fifth “man” you’ve proposed to this week? That tic tic tic of your biological clock must be getting LOUD. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/127 "2001-10-29T08:52:41Z")
I’m wondering why this cockroach hasn’t been stomped yet. He’s not even fun to play with, nfbskit… ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 8:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/128 "2001-10-29T08:56:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\*Sorry folks, but since Boss Boy won’t be dancing for you tonight, and since someone ran off with the gate before we could refund your tickets, we’ll offer to you instead “The Best of Boss Boy”: > > _Boss Boy on Sex:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[Originally posted by Bossk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94900) \* > > \*\*I’m attracted to people with scabs. \*\* > > _Boss Boy on Relationships:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[Originally posted by Bossk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=95691) \* > > \*\*History teaches us: > > > > If a woman gets intensely sexually frustrated, she can always pick up a man at the bar and service him to some level of her satisfaction. > > > > If a man gets intensely sexually frustrated, he can always pick up a firearm and wipe out those who offend him to his level of satisfaction. > > > > The moral? Always put out. \*\* > > _Boss Boy on Marriage:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[Originally posted by Bossk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94927) \* > > \*\*This can only consist of ones YOU made up. > > My offering: > > > > There once was a butcher called Sam > > Who boinked his new wife with a wham! > > He spooged on her belly. > > It was pretty smelly, > > But least there was glaze for the ham. \*\* > > _Boss Boy on the Arts:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[Originally posted by Bossk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=95006) \* > > \*\*My beef with the PRIVATE series is their notable lack of many girl/girl scenes. You’re five times more likely to see a five-guys-on-a-girl gang bang than a lezzie scene. > > > > Me no like. \*\* > > _Boss Boy on Psychology:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[Originally posted by Bossk](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94687) \* > > \*\*I dreamt I was making love to a girl who was interested in me about ten years ago, but I was never interested in her. While I was doing her, she lifted up her arms, and her armpit hair was shaved in such a way that it exactly resembled the same geometric pattern that adorns my mattress sheets. > > > > What does this mean? This chick was always terminally clingy and annoying. I haven’t seen her in ten years. \*\* > > _Boss Boy on Sociology:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > _[_ > > \*\*When Ugly Girls Read > > > > Not a rant, just a poll: > > > > Has anyone anywhere since history began ever seen an attractive woman reading a Harlequin-style romance novel? > > > > Twenty years in bookstores, coffee shops, libraries, parks, etc. I’ve never seen it. What are the sociological implications? \*\* > > _Boss Boy on Philosophy:_ > > > [@](#): > > > > \*[url=“[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94245](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94245)”]Originally posted by Bossk]([http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94544&pagenumber=1](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=94544&pagenumber=1)[/url) \* > > \*\*Never been pooped on, but interestingly enough, a bird has peed on me before. I was about ten years old and sitting on my front steps. A sparrow flew right overhead and left a thin of pee going across both my pant legs. \*\* > > _{And the audience goes wild with rage . . . Muffin dodges a chair uprooted and heaved at him from the balcony, only to be clocked in the head with a fried green tomato while scuttling into the safety of the wings. Outside the stage door he finds Boss Boy . . .}_ > > Jeez, Boss Boy, the show must go on . . . show ‘em what you’re made of . . . and take that kick-me sign off and wipe the piss off your pant-leg . . . bird piss my ass . . . show some originality, and while you’re at it, show some backbone, Boss Boy. > > _{Muffin grabs Boss Boy by the collar and belt, marches him to stage centre, and deposits him there. The lights go up, the audience settles down, the tympani rolls, and all eyes turn to Boss Boy, fire-cracking ass-dancer extraordinaire . . .}_ > > _{Boss boy tremulously looks left, then looks right, then pulls out a handkerchief and wipes the piss off his leg. Then he looks up at the audience, unable to see any faces in the dark before him . . . He composes himself. A look of confidence and determination crosses his face. He takes a deep breath, and prepares to orate . . .}_ > > **Fttppppzzzzzzzz . . . drip, drip, drip.** > > _{Oops, the long awaited fire-cracking ass-dance just fizzled . . . no more than a wet fart in public. Minutes later, the audience has left the building, but poor Boss Boy sits there, a little damp, and more than a little smelly, wondering where his fame has gone, and where he will go from here. “Lah de dah,” he says to himself, “Tomorrow is another day.” And he limps off, trolling for a job as a Bus Boy.}_ \*\* “You can always judge your effectiveness by the animosity of your enemies.” --Winston Churchill 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/129 "2001-10-29T08:59:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tengu \* > \*\*I’m wondering why this cockroach hasn’t been stomped yet. > \*\* Because everyone’s been waiting for someone who writes _Sailor Moon_ fan fiction to tackle the job, of course. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/130 "2001-10-29T09:05:39Z")
Man, is this guy fun, or what? Point #1: You don’t really need to quote a person’s entire post just to reply to… wait, you really didn’t reply to the post at all, did you? Point #2: We’re still waiting for the pic, hypocrite. If you’re gonna talk the talk, be prepared to walk the walk (I know, you’re really “typing the type”, but that doesn’t rhyme with anything appropriate). Point #3: I wouldn’t be going around mocking anyone’s screen name. After all, taking the moniker of an obscure Star Wars character isn’t exactly the height of cool, either. So, big guy, you gonna post something substantive? Or are you going to prefer to be my primary source of entertainment for the next few weeks? ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 9:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/131 "2001-10-29T09:09:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\* > > _{So the Queen of the North and Muffin began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now and then treading gently on her toes when they passed too close, and waving their fore-paws to mark the time:}_ \*\* Yeah, I played Dungeons & Dragons in junior high, too. Your screen name is starting to make more sense to me, though. > [@](#): > > \*\* > “Will you, wo’n’t you, > Will you, wo’n’t you, > Will you join the dance?” > > “Will you, wo’n’t you, > Will you, wo’n’t you, > Wo’n’t you join the dance?” \*\* What unmarried Renfesters do in the off-season…on the next Geraldo! ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/132 "2001-10-29T09:14:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE \* > > \*\*So, big guy, you gonna post something substantive? Or are you going to prefer to be my primary source of entertainment for the next few weeks? \*\* Primary source? That’s a lot of pressure on me. Don’t they have booze and TV and women where you live? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/133 "2001-10-29T11:24:32Z")
[sub]Psst . . . hey Bus Boy . . . ya you . . . c’mere a minute . . . I want to save you from further embarrassing yourself . . . you’re wandering down a blind alley with all that D & D stuff . . . the [quadrille](http://www.cs.indiana.edu/metastuff/wonder/wonderdir.html) to Alice in Wonderland was written by a fellow named Dodson whose alias was Carroll . . . and my [name](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=81165&pagenumber=2) is not an [alias](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=76454) . . . next time get your basic literary allusions straight, do your biographical homework on whom you are posting, and for heaven’s sake clean that mess off the seat of your trousers, for you’re beginning to smell pretty bad . . . you may continue now . . . [/sub] _{Muffin prods Bus Boy out into centre stage again . . .}_ Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, we are proud to present for your message board pleasure, the incomparable and incomprehensible Firecracking-Ass-Dancing Bus Boy! \*{Bus Boy gamely tries a one-liner . . . the crowd is silent . . . Bus Boy tries another one-liner . . . the crowd remains silent . . . Bus Boy stands there, like a deer caught in headlights . . . and on a missed literary allusion literally craps out . . . no firecracking-ass-dancing tonight . . . just something dribbling down Bus Boy’s leg once again . . .} {A groan goes up from the audience, and not a few handkerchief’s go up to as many noses . . . and after an interminable minute of silence, a long hook pulls Bus Boy back into the wings . . .}\* Eewww, Bus Boy, why’d ya have to go and do that again? You’re game (well, actually, sorta gamey), I’ll give you that, but don’t you think it’s about time to find another pre-occupation? One where you don’t have to think on your feet? You’ve got to stop laying these stinkers every time you go out on stage. Maybe it’s just as well that you have not posted any publicity photos. Perhaps the only way to prevent you from soiling yourself in public so frequenty is to stop feeding you? To that end, good night. ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/134 "2001-10-29T12:41:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\* > > Eewww, Bus Boy, why’d ya have to go and do that again? You’re game (well, actually, sorta gamey), I’ll give you that, but don’t you think it’s about time to find another pre-occupation? > > \*\* This coming from the guy that posted here 9 times in 12 hours? You’re the one keeping this thread alive, slappy. Not me. Can I clear your table now? ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/135 "2001-10-29T13:04:34Z")
He can go ahead keeping it alive. He’s amusing. 🙂 Don’t worry, we’ll carry on without you. _another vote for Ginger’s cuteness here_ ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/136 "2001-10-29T13:44:22Z")
If nobody cares what Bossk thinks, why link him to pictures of yourself? Unless you’re Jenna Jameson or some similarly shellacked and manufactured “beauty”, I seriously doubt he’ll suddenly stop his little tirade and say, “Hey! Look at this babe reading a Harlequin romance! She’s blown my theory to shit!” And this is because he is an asshole who gets off on telling complete strangers behind a shield of anonymity that they don’t fit his standards or beauty. And who really fucking cares. I hate to see obviously nice and obviously cute people like Ginger and Sara get flak from such a moist little turd. Don’t give him the forum. ---
**Author:** ![Slip\_Mahoney](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47774/32.png) [@Slip\_Mahoney](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slip_Mahoney)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/137 "2001-10-29T14:52:36Z")
Bossko, you don’t have the brains to figure it out, so let me help you here. The people that you pissed off are no longer angry with you. They’re now laughing at you because they think you’re a drooling idiot. But you’d better switch gears if you want to continue to amuse us. Some of us are already starting to get bored. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/138 "2001-10-29T15:01:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bossk \* > \*\*Yeah, I played Dungeons & Dragons in junior high, too. > Your screen name is starting to make more sense to me, though. > [@](#): > > What unmarried Renfesters do in the off-season…on the next Geraldo! \*\* Alice in Wonderland, you illiterate fuck. Oh, that’s right, illiterate, nasty, rude, apparently a TROLL… So why the hell am I bothering? You’re digging yourself quite a hole, assmunch. What’s that rule? “Don’t be a jerk”? ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/139 "2001-10-29T15:59:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > > > > I don’t think so. In fact, I agree with that supposition exactly as you expressed it. > > My married sister gets plenty of “action”, yet sometimes reads these romance novels. So you have your mom, who didn’t go out, and also read these novels, and I have my sister, who gets plenty of action and also read these novels. So what exactly does these personal antecdotes prove? > > A lot of people read romance novels. A lot of people watch romantic movies. A lot of people watch Westerns, or read western novels (Louis L’Amour, etc.) A lot of people read science fiction, or mystery. So - what does this _mean_ about them and their personal lives? What does this _say_? Hmmmmmmm? Please. Enlighten us. :rolleyes: \*\* You know where to stick your little “:rolleyes:” A moments thought would’ve answered your own question for you. Your sister gets “plenty” of action? According to who, you? Maybe its still not enough for HER. Maybe she likes porn ANYWAY. What reading these books says about people’s personal lives is that they like sex, since _every one_ of these books has plenty of it. And as for the other things on your list, liking those things DOES say somehting about a person. Why? Because our tastes reflect our personalities. And our personalities shape our lives. But then, a genius like you already knew that, right? ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2001, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909/140 "2001-10-29T17:22:20Z")
Lizard, my friend, you are making assumptions that can be expected of Bossk, since he is a total tool and ugly to boot ( and no I don’t have to see his picture to know he is an ugly person). Assumption #1: Romance novels are replacing sex. Assumption #2: Ugly people don’t get as much sex as pretty people. Assumption #3: Your standards of beauty _and_ “enough” sex are anyone’s but your own. Now, for everybody else in this thread-- Why does it bother you so much to be called ugly? Especially by an asswipe like Bossk? Look at what **Cartooniverse** said about me. [sup]BTW, kisses 'Toonie, I hope everything’s cool with you[/sup] That means more to me than any cultural construct of what is “beautiful”. The way genetics aligned the features of your face means nothing. Or should mean nothing. Not if you are an adult with enough maturity to reach the keyboard. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-ugly-girls-read/88909.md?page=8)