# When will Donald Trump publish his first Tarzan novel? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 20, 2017, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632 "2017-03-20T18:13:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/1 "2017-03-20T18:13:19Z")
I have been following the [Can you please critique this letter to the estate of Tarzan’s creator?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=821892) thread and can’t help reading it as if the OP is Donald Trump and he is planning to write a novel and stiff the heirs of Edgar Rice Burroughs, even if it requires stacking the Supreme Court and strongarming his party to invalidate trademark and copyright laws. The OP, like Donald Trump, has his ideas and has made up his mind despite all the advice offered to him. I see the next four years to be like this. ---
**Author:** ![Firebreather1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47c2d/32.png) [@Firebreather1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebreather1)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/2 "2017-03-20T18:15:46Z")
This, my friend, is a leap so far and ridiculous not even Superman could make it in a single bound. Trump isn’t writing a “Tarzan” novel, he couldn’t if he wanted to, with copyright laws and all. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/3 "2017-03-20T18:20:45Z")
> [@Firebreather1](#): > > This, my friend, is a leap so far and ridiculous not even Superman could make it in a single bound. > > Trump isn’t writing a “Tarzan” novel, he couldn’t if he wanted to, with copyright laws and all. OMFG-At least read the link provided if you’re going to respond. ---
**Author:** ![Evan\_Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@Evan\_Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evan_Drake)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2017, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/4 "2017-03-20T18:41:54Z")
He’s probably more of a Holmesian. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/5 "2017-03-21T16:26:11Z")
Congratulations. You started a Trump thread. Here’s your participation trophy. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/6 "2017-03-21T16:31:26Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > Congratulations. You started a Trump thread. > > Here’s your participation trophy. I hate golf, so I never tune into the Golf Channel. Food for thought. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/7 "2017-03-21T16:33:38Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > I have been following the [Can you please critique this letter to the estate of Tarzan’s creator?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=821892) thread and can’t help reading it as if the OP is Donald Trump Nah. _Way_ more than 140 characters. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/8 "2017-03-21T16:35:09Z")
If Trump did write a Tarzan novel, it would be the length of a tweet, and wouldn’t require page numbers. The thickest part of even the paperback version wold be the covers. ETA: Curse you, Steve MB! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/9 "2017-03-21T16:38:00Z")
> [@Evan\_Drake](#): > > He’s probably more of a Holmesian. Weekly Reader or maybe Highlights would be my guess. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/10 "2017-03-21T22:18:27Z")
> [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](#): > > I have been following the [Can you please critique this letter to the estate of Tarzan’s creator?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=821892) thread and can’t help reading it as if the OP is Donald Trump and he is planning to write a novel and stiff the heirs of Edgar Rice Burroughs, even if it requires stacking the Supreme Court and strongarming his party to invalidate trademark and copyright laws. > > The OP, like Donald Trump, has his ideas and has made up his mind despite all the advice offered to him. > > I see the next four years to be like this. I think he should strongly consider including a character based on the Artful Dodger, but Mexican, to comment on institutional wall-building. ---
**Author:** ![BeepKillBeep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9e8a1a/32.png) [@BeepKillBeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeepKillBeep)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/11 "2017-03-21T22:24:47Z")
I think the thread referenced in the OP is the embodiment of “It’s taking longer than we thought.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/12 "2017-03-21T22:27:04Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Weekly Reader or maybe Highlights would be my guess. Gallant hold the door open for his date Goofus grabs them by the pussy! Gallant fold the flag reverently Goofus wipes his ass with it! Gallant shows respect for the military Goofus talks about “destroyed generals” and accuses US Soldiers of plundering millions (I could do this all day.) ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/13 "2017-03-21T23:21:49Z")
Chapter 1 Me Tranpzan, You… Pussy. ---
**Author:** ![Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ba8739/32.png) [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Backwater_Under_Duck)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/14 "2017-03-22T01:48:59Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Gallant hold the door open for his date > Goofus grabs them by the pussy! > > Gallant fold the flag reverently > Goofus wipes his ass with it! > > Gallant shows respect for the military > Goofus talks about “destroyed generals” and accuses US Soldiers of plundering millions > > (I could do this all day.) Oh please do. [Insert: You owe me a keyboard for that.] I can absolutely see those fuckers saying that The first one had the missus looking at me funny. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/15 "2017-03-22T16:38:51Z")
> [@BeepKillBeep](#): > > I think the thread referenced in the OP is the embodiment of “It’s taking longer than we thought.” It always does when the ignorance keeps fighting back. Reading that thread, I keep thinking of [Wolfgang Pauli](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_even_wrong). ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/16 "2017-03-22T18:04:33Z")
> [@Evan\_Drake](#): > > He’s probably more of a Holmesian. The only time Trump ever hears about Holmes is when it is preceded by “yo” and followed by “smell you later.” ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/17 "2017-03-22T20:06:00Z")
> [@Backwater\_Under\_Duck](#): > > Oh please do. [Insert: You owe me a keyboard for that.] I can absolutely see those fuckers saying that The first one had the missus looking at me funny. Gallant speaks to his priest with respect [Goofus picked a fight with the Pope](http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/18/opinions/donald-trump-pope-francis-christian-dantonio/) Gallant has a clear philosophy, a respect for data, and an ethical system based upon the greatest good. [Goofus believes the last person to speak to Goofus, regardless of what they are saying](http://www.vox.com/2016/8/29/12691276/trump-believe-flop-flop) Gallant believes in America and in his responsibility of citizenship [Goofus surrounds himself with people who want to destroy this country, and the world around it](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/steve-bannon-apocalypse_us_5898f02ee4b040613138a951) Gallant married a nice American lass, banged out two kids, and they founded a ice cream store to keep them occupied in retirement [Goofus married two Communists, bankrupted half the people he knew and tarnished the reputation of all who knew him, and somehow became President of the United States on a wave of white ethno-nationalism not seen since the 1950s, if not before](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Trump) Trump even looks like [Goofus](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/42/Goofus_and_Gallant_-_October_1980.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/18 "2017-03-22T20:10:59Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > Nah. _Way_ more than 140 characters. And one of the characters is trademarked. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2017, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/19 "2017-04-02T16:45:03Z")
Kadmos1 is still at it. Now all he needs are the most expensive lawyers to convince the Supreme Court to change the law. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20109229#post20109229](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=20109229#post20109229) ---
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2017, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632/20 "2017-04-02T19:37:01Z")
> [@Firebreather1](#): > > This, my friend, is a leap so far and ridiculous not even Superman could make it in a single bound. > > Trump isn’t writing a “Tarzan” novel, he couldn’t if he wanted to, with copyright laws and all. He would just hire a ghost writer, because he’s too incompetent and too fucking lazy to do any of the work himself. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-donald-trump-publish-his-first-tarzan-novel/782632.md?page=2)