# When will sex not send me to hell? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [January 11, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975 "2003-01-11T17:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/1 "2003-01-11T17:35:01Z")
I know i’m allowed to have sex when i’m married, but can i do it anytime i want? What about when im in love? or how about sex with friends, is that fine? ---
**Author:** ![java\_king01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/71c47a/32.png) [@java\_king01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/java_king01)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/2 "2003-01-11T17:38:12Z")
Well, the latter is referred to as having an affair and is indeed, according to religion, sinning. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/3 "2003-01-11T18:09:43Z")
Well, which religion do you subscribe to? Check their guidelines. ---
**Author:** ![SlickRoenick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@SlickRoenick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlickRoenick)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/4 "2003-01-11T18:28:48Z")
If your Catholic, and you have sex and you’re not married, you’re a goner. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![MaryEFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MaryEFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaryEFoo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/5 "2003-01-11T18:51:30Z")
The Ten Commandments specify adultery, ie one party is married. As they say, check with your religion. Cultures and religions all put some controls on sexuality. Not all branches of Christianity stress the same levels of controls. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/6 "2003-01-11T19:41:49Z")
I suppose it would depend on what God(s) you believe in and what they have to say on the subject. Generally, sex exclusively for personal pleasure is considered sinful (sometimes with masturbation an allowed exception as being a means to gain release from sexual tension without “using” another person for your pleasure). Sex within a committed relationship is to be expected and is not necessarily sinful – but it’s expected that when possible, one will formalize that commitment before God and in a form authorized by the state (marriage or equivalent). Note the difference between saying that “intent counts” as I did, and “it’s sinful, but you can use marriage as a loophole” as many people (wrongly) think Christianity says. ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/7 "2003-01-11T20:51:27Z")
Welcome to the handbasket! [sub]hey, did you really think I was gonna pass on this one? 😃 [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Gaijin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/838e76/32.png) [@Gaijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaijin)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/8 "2003-01-11T20:55:08Z")
It varies with the religious axioms that you start from. Paraphrased from [beliefnet.com:](http://www.beliefnet.com/features/chastity_chart.html) Buddhism - Premarital sex is fine as long as there is love and consent between the two parties, and no harm is caused. Paganism - This could also vary, based upon which pagan system you’re adhering to. Typically, though, there are no rules against it, although sex, because of it’s nature, should “be approached with great respect and responsibility.” Hinduism - one should remain celibate before marriage, not because premarital sex is sinful, but because the life stage of the married householder comes only after the lifestage of the celibate student. Judaism - sex and things which lead to it are only to be permitted within marriage. Islam - sexual gratification is permitted only within marriage. Christianity - varies with denomination: ``` American Baptist - No clear guideline. Each disciple should read scripture and pray to come to a personal decision. Catholic - Sex can occur only within marriage. Eastern Orthodox - Sex can occur only within marriage. Evangelical Lutheran - Does not require marriage, but only forbids against casual, promiscuous sex, as it "does not proceed from or contribute to respect, intimacy, and care of the other. Mormon - Sex can occur only within marriage. Presbyterian - "Total intimacy should happen in a relationship of total commitment, which marriage is intended to be." Marriage is not absolutely necessary for sex, but sex should only be had if the relationship is serious enough for it. Southern Baptist Convention - Marriage only. United Methodist Church - Marriage only. ``` ---
**Author:** ![SparrowHawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac8455/32.png) [@SparrowHawk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SparrowHawk)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/9 "2003-01-11T21:05:25Z")
If it ain’t sending you to heaven, honey, you are doing it wrong. content free since August 2002 ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/10 "2003-01-11T22:02:21Z")
**one should remain celibate before marriage** [sub]ahem,[/sub] ARRRGGGHHH!!! Let’s review, shall we? Celibate = unmarried Chaste = not indulging in sex Easy memory device: The Priest takes a vow of ceibacy, NOT chastity. (and I don’t want to hear from any damned dictionary which endorses stupid, but popular usages). ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/11 "2003-01-11T22:34:46Z")
What if we don’t agree with your dictionary’s definition of stupid? 😉 I believe that Catholicism has various levels of sin, and that wrongful sex is among the top tier (mortal sin, I believe). Do any other religions make this kind of distinction? ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/12 "2003-01-11T22:40:07Z")
I’m Catholic. Are there any exceptions to the marriage only rule. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/13 "2003-01-11T22:59:01Z")
**HH** : Wrong! Celibate = not indulging in sex Chaste = not committing sexual sin A married couple who refrained from sex prior to marriage, are not adulterers, and are at this minute engaged in the act with each other are being chaste. This is based on classic usage of the words: A “chaste wife” is a common term not restricted to the allegedly-perpetual Virgin Mary, but meaning a wife who only has sex with her husband. Any knowledgeable Catholics prepared to walk **teemingONE** through the intricacies of Catholic doctrine on this issue? ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/14 "2003-01-11T23:08:44Z")
**Poly** I’ll see your “Wrong!” and raise you a “Maybe where _you_ live” 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/15 "2003-01-11T23:14:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by happyheathen \* > \*\ ***Poly** > > I’ll see your “Wrong!” and raise you a “Maybe where _you_ live” 😛 \*\* I predict the next step to be 'Neener-Neener-Neener". Don’t _go_ there! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Great\_Philosopher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3ec8ea/32.png) [@The\_Great\_Philosopher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Great_Philosopher)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/16 "2003-01-11T23:21:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by teemingONE \* > \*\*I’m Catholic. Are there any exceptions to the marriage only rule. \*\* It depends on what you believe; if you follow all the general rules of Catholicism, but believe it’s alright to have sex before you’re married, then believe that. To properly answer your question, though: I’m by no means an expert, but I think the Catholic Church believes it is always wrong to have sex with someone you’re not married to. However, I’ve never seen a passage from the Bible that has in any way confirmed this belief. Perhaps there is one, but I’ve never seen it. ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2003, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/17 "2003-01-11T23:55:03Z")
Okay, I just had to get into the dictionary thing. From Dictionary.com: > [@](#): > > cel·i·bate ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sl-bt) > n. > One who abstains from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. > One who is unmarried. > > ## adj. Abstaining from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. Unmarried; unwed. > > [Latin caelibtus, from caelebs, caelib-, unmarried.] > Usage Note: Historically, celibate means only “unmarried” its use to mean “abstaining from sexual intercourse” is a 20th-century development. But the new sense of the word seems to have displaced the old, and the use of celibate to mean “unmarried” is now almost sure to invite misinterpretation in other than narrowly ecclesiastical contexts. Sixty-eight percent of the Usage Panel rejected the older use in the sentence He remained celibate [unmarried], although he engaged in sexual intercourse. From M-w.com: > [@](#): > > Main Entry: cel·i·ba·cy > Pronunciation: 'se-l&-b&-sE > Function: noun > Date: 1663 > 1 : the state of not being married > 2 a : abstention from sexual intercourse b : abstention by vow from marriage Thus, one sees the older usage as more common, while one has decided that that usage is archaic. See what you will in that. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/18 "2003-01-12T00:20:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MaryEFoo \* > **The Ten Commandments specify adultery, ie one party is married.** Alan Dershowitz has [this](http://www.courttv.com/talk/chat_transcripts/genesis.html) to say about that: > [@](#): > > The 10 Commandments prohibits adultery, and the very next chapter defines adultery and explicity permits married men to have sex with unmarried women. > Thus implimenting God’s punishment of Eve, which establishes the double standard. I’m not saying it’s fair or moral or that Dershowitz is the ultimate biblical authority. I just think it’s interesting that the commandment against “adultery” may not have originally meant what most people think it means. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/19 "2003-01-12T01:13:10Z")
**HH** , I’ll refer you to **Gaudere** ’s comments on “creative use of language” from about eighteen months ago. 🙂 The reason we have the two words in common use (so far as people see fit to discuss the morality of sex using them, anyway) is that “celibate” means “not having sex, period” while “chaste” means “not having sex outside of marriage.” Among the English speakers of **my** planet, anyway. 🙂 YVMV\* - “…vocabulary…” ---
**Author:** ![happyheathen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5e925/32.png) [@happyheathen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/happyheathen)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975/20 "2003-01-12T02:27:54Z")
Gee, my vocabulary is different than yours! I am truely shocked! And, once again, you’ve got it backwards. (IMN[sup]\*[/sup]HO) - - Never p.s. - and what color _IS_ the sky on your planet? 😛 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-will-sex-not-send-me-to-hell/147975.md?page=2)