# When you live in Television.....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [June 6, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182 "2010-06-06T16:30:21Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/1 "2010-06-06T16:30:21Z")
- Your car is always clean and shiny. Especially if you’re an international spy.
- You never have to use the washroom, except to have important conversations no one else is supposed to hear, or unless you’re there to accidentally overhear conversations between people thinking they’re talking in private.
- There are no cellular dead spots.
- Windows never crashes for you.
- All the female cops are dolls. Most of the male cops are, unless they’re ‘characters’.
- Everyone in high school is actually 24 years old.
- All shrinks are folksy people that sit you on a couch and talk for an hour, as opposed to chatting for 15 and handing you some prescriptions.
- Little kids talk like small adults, not like little kids.
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### Author:  [@PandaMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaMom)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/2 "2010-06-06T16:58:03Z")
nobody has a bad hair day
pimples??? Nope, not in TV land
the homes always look immaculate. No crap lying around 'cause the teenagers are too lazy to throw the stuff away (void this if the show is Roseanne)
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### Author:  [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/3 "2010-06-06T17:05:48Z")
Nobody rings your doorbell. They just walk in.
Your couch is in the middle of the room.
The news story you’re interested in will come on just as you turn on the TV. No waiting through other stories to get to yours–unless you first need to have a few words with the neighbour who just walked in without ringing the bell.
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### Author:  [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/4 "2010-06-06T17:07:30Z")
There is no weather (unless it’s important to the plot, or it’s a Christmas episode).
There’s that one side of the table that nobody ever sits on.
No one ever farts (lowbrow comedies excepted).
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### Author:  [@CWN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CWN)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/5 "2010-06-06T20:05:57Z")
The best part of TV land is the parking perks, always a spot right in front of wherever you want to go. no meters or traffic either!
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### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/6 "2010-06-06T20:19:10Z")
Your computer makes a noise every time you hit enter, and everything has a progress bar.
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### Author:  [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/7 "2010-06-06T21:06:58Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#):
>
> Your computer makes a noise every time you hit enter, and everything has a progress bar.
…which conveniently explains exactly what you’re doing. “Downloading File to Thumb Drive”
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### Author:  [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/8 "2010-06-06T21:25:57Z")
You don’t have morning breath or bedhead. You’re just as gorgeous at 6 a.m. as you were the night before.
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### Author:  [@Beerman1963](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beerman1963)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/9 "2010-06-06T21:27:48Z")
You don’t have to unlock the car door
also no rear view mirrors
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### Author:  [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/10 "2010-06-06T22:01:47Z")
When you cry, you don’t get puffy red eyes or a snotty nose, just a single, poignant tear trickling slowly down your cheek.
As you run away from the bad guy/wild animal/alien/whatever, you have to look behind, and it never causes you to crash into trees, walls, furniture.
Flushing toilets are apparently hilarious.
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### Author:  [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)
#### Post date: [June 6, 2010, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/11 "2010-06-06T22:27:36Z")
Ah but if you live in tv commercials…
You cannot slice tomatoes
You cannot crack eggs
You cannot hang your clothes properly in your closet
You have horrible, awful stains on your clothes that nothing will get out
Grease spatters everywhere in your kitchen
You cannot mop your floors
You cannot grow vegetables ever
TV commercials… the wrong side of the tracks in TVWorld
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### Author:  [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncle_Brother_Walker)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/12 "2010-06-07T00:49:34Z")
Well, since nobody uses the toilet, nobody ever has to clean the toilet / shower / bathroom.
When channel surfing, all the channels have interest (unless going against the joke); i.e. there are no shopping channels, infomercial channels, etc.
Nobody dusts.
Batteries never die.
People sometimes go grocery shopping, but nobody ever puts \*away \*the groceries. They just leave the bag on the counter and move back to the storyline.
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/13 "2010-06-07T01:04:48Z")
Cars never need to be fueled, unless something else is going on at the gas station. You can go without fueling for weeks, but sometimes suddenly you will run out of gas even if you just filled up.
Sometimes, when you are driving along, the scenery seems to repeat.
The interior dimensions of cars seem to very depending on the emotional state of the occupants, and are often unrelated to the exterior dimensions of cars.
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### Author:  [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/14 "2010-06-07T01:08:56Z")
Cars have invisible back seats which hide assailants.
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### Author:  [@pope\_hentai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pope_hentai)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/15 "2010-06-07T02:16:03Z")
the news never changes.
> **[The Reoccurring Prop Newspaper](https://www.buzzfeed.com/rebeccae/the-reoccuring-prop-newspaper)**
>
> Everyone on TV has been reading the same newspaper for years. Don't believe me? Here's proof.
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### Author:  [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/16 "2010-06-07T09:35:51Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#):
>
> You don’t have morning breath or bedhead. You’re just as gorgeous at 6 a.m. as you were the night before.
And brushing teeth in morning means just a couple of strokes of the toothbrush over your teeth !
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### Author:  [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/17 "2010-06-07T10:43:54Z")
And everyone gets dressed after drunken wild monkey sex - even if it is 35 degrees out.
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### Author:  [@campp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/campp)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/18 "2010-06-07T12:05:22Z")
Cars don’t have windshields.
Most eyeglasses don’t have lenses.
Any street criminal can easily detect the cop’s disguises.
Snitches always have all the information anyone would ever need. You always pay them at least twice during any session.
No one ever notices guys sitting in their cars for hours on a stakeout. They also never seem to spot the big black sedan following them.
All cab drivers could compete in the Le Mans.
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### Author:  [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/19 "2010-06-07T12:31:39Z")
…and you don’t make typos. 😉
I fixed it.
Ellen
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [June 7, 2010, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/20 "2010-06-07T12:55:33Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#):
>
> - Little kids talk like small adults, not like little kids.
And walk and stand like there’s a majorette’s baton up their ass.
> [@FairyChatMom](#):
>
> As you run away from the bad guy/wild animal/alien/whatever, you have to look behind, and it never causes you to crash into trees, walls, furniture.
Talking while driving involves both people looking directly at each other and does not produce head-on crashes against unmovable objects. Oh, and even if you’re driving on a straight line, the wheel must be wiggled like you’re in the bumper cars.
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