# When you live in Television..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 6, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182 "2010-06-06T16:30:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/21 "2010-06-07T13:07:46Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > - There are no cellular dead spots. Unless, of course, you’re in terrible danger and need help immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/22 "2010-06-07T13:14:38Z")
Whenever you google anything, you get the right site and the information you need immediately. TV’s google-fu is perfection. However, any person overhearing what you say will misinterpret it in the worst possible way, and will not ask you to clarify it. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/23 "2010-06-07T13:39:08Z")
When the bedside phone rings in the middle of the night, you always turn on the light to answer it. And it never hurts your eyes when you do. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/24 "2010-06-07T13:42:47Z")
–You can always find a parking space right where you need it, immediately –Bombs conveniently come with LED countdowns. And they’re accurate – People don’t actually have to work or go to classes. they simply go to a workplace or a school corridor to have a place to interact. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/25 "2010-06-07T13:58:00Z")
You are a blue collar worker with a GED whose favorite pasttime is drinking beer with your buddies while watching The Game on TV. You are a fat load who steps in metaphorical shit trying to a) get rich or b) advance the Idiot Plot. In spite of all appearances, there is something magical about you because you are married to a thin, blazingly beautiful, much younger woman who only looks upon you fondly, shaking her head at your predicaments…Conversely, if you are that thin, beautiful, young woman, you are darned GLAD to live in semi-squalor married to The Big Lug. (Can only surmise you have learning disabilities and can’t hold down a ‘real’ job. Or you have a past prison record/are an ex-prostitute/stripper/drug addict and have left your sordid past behind to live the wacky family life with The Big Lug in Pluggerville, PA., now clean and sober. If you are rich in Television, your home is bestrewn with flower arrangements or at least lots of potted plants… If you are poor in TV you and your family always converse sitting lined up on the couch, but if you are rich, you are always sitting at a dining room table bestrewn with wine glasses and fine china… If it’s breakfast, you have it outside, with splendid scenery and weather conditions. In either case, your food is served by silent uniformed lackies. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/26 "2010-06-07T14:07:11Z")
If you are pregnant, you can hide it behind pillows, big bags, and plants and nobody suspects a thing. When you show up not pregnant and without a baby, nobody will ask WTF? ---
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/27 "2010-06-07T14:10:29Z")
You never say “good-bye” or “talk to you later” when you finish a phone conversation. You answer the phone, grunt a couple of times and hang up. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/28 "2010-06-07T14:16:00Z")
> [@PandaMom](#): > > nobody has a bad hair day > > pimples??? Nope, not in TV land Unless you’re a teenager on a sitcom and it’s a good comedy point, like right before prom, but normally you’ll be fine. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/29 "2010-06-07T15:59:20Z")
a lot of these are addressed in _Seinfeld_, even this one where Kramer crashes into the locked door. 🙂 > [@Spoons](#): > > Nobody rings your doorbell. They just walk in. … ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/30 "2010-06-07T16:13:05Z")
Bad guys are really bad shots, and will miss you repeatedly. Luckily, you can hit two or three before they get you. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/31 "2010-06-07T16:25:04Z")
You always have toast and orange juice with breakfast. Sometimes you have eggs, bacon, sausage or cereal with it. But there’s always toast and orange juice. Your kids are _almost_ late for school, every day. And an alarming number of children get driven to school. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/32 "2010-06-07T16:35:59Z")
Judges are, without exception, overweight black women. > [@Spoons](#): > > The news story you’re interested in will come on just as you turn on the TV. No waiting through other stories to get to yours–unless you first need to have a few words with the neighbour who just walked in without ringing the bell. Arrested Development handled that nicely. Attorney Wayne Jarvis wanted to shock Michael with some breaking news story, so he turned on the TV – and got a commercial. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/33 "2010-06-07T16:42:43Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Your kids are _almost_ late for school, every day. And an alarming number of children get driven to school. So, tv gets one thing right… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/34 "2010-06-07T16:45:26Z")
Speaking of kids, when they display any knowledge about sex, it’s hilarious. And little old ladies are horndogs. ---
**Author:** ![pullin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c57346/32.png) [@pullin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pullin)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/35 "2010-06-07T16:48:55Z")
> [@Uncle\_Brother\_Walker](#): > > People sometimes go grocery shopping, but nobody ever puts \*away \*the groceries. They just leave the bag on the counter and move back to the storyline. All trips home from the grocery store are on foot (no one loads groceries in the car trunk). All grocery trips require only one bag, and there must be a loaf of bread sticking up out of the bag. Also, this bread is always unwrapped and exposed to the elements. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/36 "2010-06-07T16:54:09Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > All grocery trips require only one bag, and there must be a loaf of bread sticking up out of the bag. If the shopping was done in France, there will also be a bottle of wine and possibly a model of the Eiffel Tower. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/37 "2010-06-07T16:56:41Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > You don’t have morning breath or bedhead. You’re just as gorgeous at 6 a.m. as you were the night before. This! When they wake up together and start kissing I immediately think- don’t you have to pee? Brush your teeth? Nothing pulls me out of the moment than two people who have deep intimate (sexual or otherwise) interactions first thing in the morning without peeing first!!! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/38 "2010-06-07T17:00:56Z")
Granted nobody’s mentioned any specific programs or characters yet, but it’s only a matter of time IMO. Moving from MPSIMS to CS. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/39 "2010-06-07T17:25:53Z")
> [@pullin](#): > > All grocery trips require only one bag, and there must be a loaf of bread sticking up out of the bag. _Celery_, dammit. It’s _celery_. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/40 "2010-06-07T17:38:56Z")
My phone number? Sure, it’s 555-… One blow to the head or neck is sufficient to knock anyone unconscious for exactly the amount of time you need to escape, or rob, or do whatever it is you need to do. And no ill after-effects will be suffered. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182.md?page=3)