# When you live in Television..... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 6, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182 "2010-06-06T16:30:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/41 "2010-06-07T17:58:28Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Your kids are _almost_ late for school, every day. And an alarming number of children get driven to school. > [@Procrustus](#): > > So, tv gets one thing right… Is it the being late for school part, or the being driven to school part, or both? I am only 30 and I am trying really hard to remember what getting up and leaving for school was like in my house but I honestly don’t remember. I did ask my mom a few weeks ago if she made us breakfast and she said yes she did, until we started being a pain in the ass to wake up. I do remember that being a problem, but I don’t remember anything about hearing that the bus was leaving without me (granted, I only rode the bus from first to eighth grade). ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/42 "2010-06-07T18:13:46Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > One blow to the head or neck is sufficient to knock anyone unconscious for exactly the amount of time you need to escape, or rob, or do whatever it is you need to do. And no ill after-effects will be suffered. Amnesia is not an ill-effect? I guess it’s not too serious, as another blow to the head will clear it right up. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/43 "2010-06-07T18:18:54Z")
If you are rich, you have a liquor cart in your living room, which means you never pour scotch from a bottle of scotch, but from a crystal decanter. And there will always be plenty of unmelted ice in the matching crystal ice bucket. If you’re poor, you drink beer out of a can that’s labeled simply “BEER.” Rich or poor, though, drinking to excess will cause you to have sex with somebody you hate. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/44 "2010-06-07T18:30:15Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > Granted nobody’s mentioned any specific programs or characters yet, but it’s only a matter of time IMO. > > Moving from MPSIMS to CS. I assume you also corrected the typo in the title? Thanks! :smack: ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/45 "2010-06-07T19:15:21Z")
> [@Mr Bus Guy](#): > > - > - Windows never crashes for you. Actually, if you’re on TV, you’re most likely using Apple. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/46 "2010-06-07T19:38:05Z")
Everybody takes turns talking. No two people ever talk at the same time when in a group setting. ---
**Author:** ![CWN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc79bd/32.png) [@CWN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CWN)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/47 "2010-06-07T19:49:47Z")
Coffee- They never seem to make it but there is always a full pot on the counter and when some one comes in and wants some they never pour a full cup, just a 1/2 second splash and everyone drinks it black! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/48 "2010-06-07T19:53:24Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Everybody takes turns talking. No two people ever talk at the same time when in a group setting. Similarly, no one ever comes to the front door while someone else is still on the phone. They always show up within 2 seconds after the hang up. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/49 "2010-06-07T19:57:49Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > If the shopping was done in France, there will also be a bottle of wine and possibly a model of the Eiffel Tower. Speaking of which, if you are staying in Paris, your hotel room will have a wonderful view of the Eiffel Tower. Also, if you are a journalist or a detective, you are required to keep a bottle of rot gut and two glasses in your file cabinet. ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/50 "2010-06-07T19:57:50Z")
When you have a drink at a bar, you pay for it with one or two pieces of paper money, get no change, and only take a couple of sips of the drink before leaving. Also, TV bars apparently serve only one brand and type of beer, because everybody just orders “beer”. When you eat at a diner, you leave before the check comes, throwing a wad of cash on the table before you leave, assuming that it will cover the meal and tip. ---
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/51 "2010-06-07T20:07:07Z")
You wrap a towel around yourself (waist level for guys, chest level for gals) before stepping out of the shower, even if you’re the only one at home. You never take off your shoes in your own house. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/52 "2010-06-07T20:11:38Z")
> [@Wheelz](#): > > You never take off your shoes in your own house. And if you come home wearing a tie and jacket, you don’t change into something more comfortable. ---
**Author:** ![PsyXe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@PsyXe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PsyXe)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/53 "2010-06-07T20:36:50Z")
When you turn out the lights, the only change is that everything goes a little bit dimmer and acquires a blue cast. Everything you do on a computer or the internet will have large moving graphics that cover the whole screen and load instantly. ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/54 "2010-06-07T21:01:08Z")
[ul] [li]If you live in a big city with a sporatic income, you can live in a spacious high-rise apartment.[/li][li]There’s always a parking space right in front of the building you want to go to.[/li][li]If you go to a church in the 19[sup]th[/sup] century, you undoubtedly will sing “Bringing In the Sheaves”.[/li][li]Popular girls always accept two invite to the prom, so that they can crush the spirit of one boy, then find out the one they went with is a sexist jerk and/or date rapist.[/li][li]New York cops have a pithy remark ready for any crime scene they walk up to.[/li][li]Kids are regularly tardy to classes, but suffer no reprocussions.[/li][li]If a kid is failing a class, the teacher will graciously allow them to take **one** test that will raise their average to passing.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/55 "2010-06-07T21:17:26Z")
Whenever someone gets out of a body of water, 10 mins later they are dry, their clothes are dry, and their hair and makeup are perfect Homes considered ugly and crappy are actually modest or above-average in terms of looks and real-world price (ie, Married with Children) Computer interfaces are all easy to read and pop up windows tell you exactly what is being processed and how long it’ll take When typing, everyone types about 15 words a minute. Staring at text being typed will inevitably display words coming on to the screen slowly at below reading speed one letter at a time When running away from something, women will always fall and be unable to get up ---
**Author:** ![alphaboi867](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alphaboi867/32/3898_2.png) [@alphaboi867](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alphaboi867)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/56 "2010-06-07T21:24:51Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > …I did ask my mom a few weeks ago if she made us breakfast and she said yes she did, until we started being a pain in the ass to wake up… In the **Family Guy** episode where the Griffins go on a reality show the first morning with the cameras Lois makes everyone an elaborate breakfast and trys to pass it off as her normal routine. That happens in real life too. When I was 15 I got to go Australia & New Zealand and did homestays in both countries. My Kiwi hostmother would make these huge full English breakfasts with toast, bacon, eggs (both fried _and_ scrambled), sausages, tomatos, mushrooms, beans, etc and saying this was a normal breakfast for them. Hostbrother & hostfather kept exchanging these weird looks. Later at school hostbrother confessed that the last time she did anything more than put cereal in a bowl was on _Christmas morning._. Of course if the homestay had lasted longer than a few days she probally would’ve gone back to her normal routine. Aussie hostmom just made me toast and sat there smiling while I put vegemite on it. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/57 "2010-06-07T21:31:54Z")
Computer screens have no cursor telling you where typing will occur (_Doogie Howser_). The front seat of cars all have under dash lighting that illuminates the people in the car - even if they are on a stakeout. Characters hidden in shadows who light cigarrettes will have all of their face illuminated by the match. No one gets hurt by being punched, knocked over a table, etc. unless it is required and then only the plot-requisite wounds will be addressed. Windows always get the correct view and lighting. Never a half shadow from a bush and the sun at the wrong angle. Never glare from the neighbors window or an obstructed view from a low hanging branch. No one sits down on their leather couch and yelps because it’s too cold. Flys or moths never get in as you enter or exit through the door. TV screens never have lamp glare on them. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2010, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/58 "2010-06-07T23:27:30Z")
> [@CWN](#): > > Coffee- They never seem to make it but there is always a full pot on the counter and when some one comes in and wants some they never pour a full cup, just a 1/2 second splash and everyone drinks it black! Except if you live in TV in England, where someone is always going off to make tea but no one ever drinks it. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/59 "2010-06-08T03:18:04Z")
> [@h.sapiens](#): > > Also, TV bars apparently serve only one brand and type of beer, because everybody just orders “beer”. Actually, I recall waaay back, when it was common for bars, in North America anyway, to have one tap for draft beer. IME, it was potluck–sometimes the tap would dispense Brand X, and sometimes Brand Y–I guess it was whatever keg the distributor had available that day. But in those days, pretty much all beers were the same, so nobody really cared. Anyway, if you wanted a draft beer, you ordered “beer,” like on TV. If you wanted a specific brand, then assuming what you wanted wasn’t on tap that day, you ordered it by name, and by the bottle. But I agree; nowadays, it’s silly to order “beer” when the TV bar has an array of taps, and the TV customer invariably ends up with the bottled brand he’s happy with anyway. A few others… – Rooms are rarely built on the square. Hospital rooms, offices, factory break rooms, greasy spoon diners, living rooms; they all have walls meeting at obtuse angles. – In a fancy restaurant setting, our heroes always get the best table, which is never occupied by other diners, no matter how popular the place is or how much the maitre d’ protests that other diners had the foresight to make reservations. – Single men either have immaculate apartments or houses, with a bowl of fresh fruit on the kitchen table and elegant furnishings (if the single man is the star); or they’re incredible slobs, whose only furniture consists of a TV, a La-Z-Boy, and a mattress on the floor, while potato chip bags and beer cans substitute for fruit bowls (if the single man is the star’s buddy). A single woman’s place is always immaculate, tastefully decorated, and without empties or other trash (regardless of whether the woman is the star or not). ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2010, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182/60 "2010-06-08T06:25:50Z")
You can always tell if your car is being followed with one glance in the rear view mirror. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-you-live-in-television/542182.md?page=4)