# When your balls get stuck to the porch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 2, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017 "2002-12-02T19:18:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BeerFan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@BeerFan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BeerFan)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/21 "2002-12-02T20:24:21Z")
Carrot, I must question your reasoning with the whole breathability thing. I didn’t want to get all technical here but you raised the issue so here we go. Breathability implies that there is air flow. The OPs problem does not seem to fit an air flow / lack of air flow scenario. Moreover, if in fact there was an air flow problem the presence of hair would only act to exacerbate the situation. I’m making an assumption here that Lieu’s body hair growth is such that hair entanglement in the nether regions is a constant source of discomfort. Hence we can assume that removal of the offending hair will eliminate the problem. We can also rule out your surface area concerns based on the fact that the hair in question, and I’m assuming there’s alot of it, has a quantifiable surface area and by removing it we would reduce overall surface area in the region and increase air flow. Beerfan. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/22 "2002-12-02T20:32:53Z")
I don’t think there’s any braiding going on, even though I do sometimes wear Fruit Of The **Loom**. What size does something have to reach before it begins to generate it’s own gravitational pull? ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/23 "2002-12-02T21:19:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BeerFan \* > The OPs problem does not seem to fit an air flow / lack of air flow scenario. Not necessarily is, but could be, if hair removal is undertaken as a solution. The idea is that the removal of the short and curlies provide a break in the otherwise fairly smooth surface, and if any moisture is present, a kind of seal is formed, binding ball and leg together. As an illustration of this principle, moisten your palms a bit and press them together. The (small) suction that you feel when pulling them apart is the phenomenon I am referring to. > [@](#): > > Moreover, if in fact there was an air flow problem the presence of hair would only act to exacerbate the situation. I don’t think so. I think the hair would act as a porous barrier between scrotum and leg to allow air to flow through. Although, I am interested to hear your thoughts on this. > [@](#): > > I’m making an assumption here that Lieu’s body hair growth is such that hair entanglement in the nether regions is a constant source of discomfort. Hence we can assume that removal of the offending hair will eliminate the problem. Yes, but it would only eliminate the problem of VBS. As I see it, the problem of SBS (as you mentioned in an earlier post) may be worsened by removing the hair, causing more skin-to-skin contact and removing any venting action that the hair provides. > [@](#): > > We can also rule out your surface area concerns based on the fact that the hair in question, and I’m assuming there’s alot of it, has a quantifiable surface area and by removing it we would reduce overall surface area in the region and increase air flow. The surface area that I was referring to was area of the scrotal skin that was directly in contact with leg skin. My apologies if this point was unclear. I am now confused about the nature of the problem, though, since **lieu** has said that ‘braiding’ (as I interpret it, that means the ‘velcro’ action which you describe) is not responsible for his troubles, and he has also said that moisture is not the problem, thanks to his keeping a fan under his desk. I am at a loss to formulate a solution in this case. Could this be some hitherto univestigated cause of ball-leg adhesion? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/24 "2002-12-02T21:34:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Huh? You mean hit 'em with a wooden mallet through a little hoop? > Will that help? \*\* Ummmm, that was crochet, not croquet. Maybe I shoulda said I’ll knit you some ball-booties. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/25 "2002-12-02T21:45:28Z")
Let me see if I can come up with a better image… Ah yes, [here we go.](http://worldkids.net/critters/mammals/squirrel.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Feynn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecb155/32.png) [@Feynn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feynn)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/26 "2002-12-02T22:12:44Z")
I believe the problem lies with the constrictive nature of mens clothing. Just another good reason to wear a kilt. Plus… making adjustments would be a snap. ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/27 "2002-12-02T22:13:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Let me see if I can come up with a better image… > > Ah yes, [here we go.](http://worldkids.net/critters/mammals/squirrel.htm) \*\* :eek: Jesus. Fucking. Christ. My balls draw up in empathy! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/28 "2002-12-02T22:27:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\*I could crochet a little snood for you… > 😃 \*\* Okay, I actually did laugh out loud at that {snort - a teeny little ball snood - hee} I think the answer to your problem is the handyman’s secret weapon - DUCT TAPE!!! And finally, I don’t get what the flying squirrel has to do with the discussion in hand (I can’t believe how many times I typed “nad” instead of “hand” in this post - Freudian, much?) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2002, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/29 "2002-12-02T22:32:21Z")
A sure fire solution is a jock strap. I’ve even noticed that some guys are now wearing underwear that look like jockstraps, completely encasing the genitals. ---
**Author:** ![IcicleFuzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ba8739/32.png) [@IcicleFuzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IcicleFuzz)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/30 "2002-12-03T00:17:59Z")
**grienspace** has hit on a good point. The type of underwear that you have will greatly affect the chances of SBS, VBS or any other kind of BS. Maybe you should find some specialty underpants designed to lift, hold and seperate? ---
**Author:** ![GKW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@GKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GKW)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/31 "2002-12-03T00:26:37Z")
18 hour manties ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/32 "2002-12-03T00:31:52Z")
**lieu** - I know you’ve heard this a buncha times, but yout posts never fail to make me laugh. If I didn’t have so much trouble spelling your username, I woulda said so long ago. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/33 "2002-12-03T00:34:38Z")
Thanks, **featherlou** , I’m glad someone appreciated the mental image of a ball snood! Obviously **lieu** is not the man of taste that I mistook him for… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/34 "2002-12-03T00:35:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Buck The Diver \* > \*\*WD-40, my friend, is the answer to your conundrum. Is there anything it CAN’T fix? \*\* Yes, in fact, there is. But that’s why we have duct tape. Gaffer’s tape, actually, but I’ll bow to convention and use the common name. Of course, one should never use “duct tape” and “scrotum” in the same sentence. Oops, I just did. And, **lieu** , boxer briefs are the answer to your prayers. I switched a year ago and will never wear any other style of underwear again. ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/35 "2002-12-03T00:36:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Buck The Diver \* > \*\*WD-40, my friend, is the answer to your conundrum. > > Is there anything it CAN’T fix? \*\* What WD-40 can’t fix, duct tape can. Think about it . . . ---
**Author:** ![pesch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pesch/32/4925_2.png) [@pesch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pesch)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/36 "2002-12-03T00:37:32Z")
Damn you **Cervaise**! Damn you to hell. I don’t need you to make me look like an idiot. I perform that job just fine by myself! pesch ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/37 "2002-12-03T00:53:15Z")
Cornstarch is a good substitute for baby powder and it tastes better. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/38 "2002-12-03T01:16:14Z")
Hee hee, **pesch** , now I also get to refer to my fast fingers in a scrotum thread. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/39 "2002-12-03T02:06:52Z")
> [@](#): > > lieu > What size does something have to reach before it begins to generate it’s own gravitational pull? \ Vell, zat depends on ze proximity to a near by black hole \ > [@](#): > > Cornstarch is a good substitute for baby powder and it tastes better. No, try a mixture of bicarbonate of soda, and citric acid, instead of baking powder 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/40 "2002-12-03T03:26:57Z")
Well **featherlou** , it’s like the flying squirrel is in a little skin mumu (sp?) that can only be stretched so far and he’s got it tweaked all the way out. In like fashion, my little genital mumu is being pulled to it’s maximum between my two legs to the point where I’m tempted to look down and in Bullwinkle voice say “Hullo Rocky”. It’s not an unpleasant sensation, mind you. Just one that likely includes an appreciable aerodynamic element. And **FCM** , I didn’t even have to know what a snood was to know it was a good thing since it came from you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017.md?page=3)