# When your balls get stuck to the porch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 2, 2002, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017 "2002-12-02T19:18:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/41 "2002-12-03T05:55:14Z")
May I suggest [www.utilikilts.com](http://www.utilikilts.com)? ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/42 "2002-12-03T06:40:27Z")
Monthly cramps, or balls that stick to your legs. “Intelligent design” my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/43 "2002-12-03T08:31:51Z")
How about a teflon merkin? I actually LedOL at this one… scary funny. Is there a schedule for “ **lieu** ’s Nether Regions” posts, or maybe a mailing list? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/44 "2002-12-03T08:57:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by JonScribe \* > \*\*May I suggest [www.utilikilts.com](http://www.utilikilts.com)? \*\* Heh. I WISH I could get my husband to wear those, they actually look pretty good. For that matter, I wish that more men would wear kilts in public. Yum! ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/45 "2002-12-03T11:46:31Z")
Can I sit next to you at the next Doperfest you go to? ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/46 "2002-12-03T12:27:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by grienspace \* > \*\*A sure fire solution is a jock strap. I’ve even noticed that some guys are now wearing underwear that look like jockstraps, completely encasing the genitals. \*\* Hell, try underwear of any kind. I’m sitting here at my desk, balls and dick comforably encased in my fruit of the looms, and trying to figure out how you get even ball and leg CONTACT - never mind how the bastards get stuck together. Jezz. Balls stuck to the leg. Some people. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/47 "2002-12-03T14:44:15Z")
Thank you all for your kind concern for the boys well being. Based on the recommendations presented here, I think I’ll prepare a mixture of WD-40 and cornstarch, ladle it into a couple of crocheted snoods and affix it to the afflicted area, a task made all the easier by simply raising the front flap of my spanking new denim kilt. That and I’m gonna opt for a bench seat in my office, sans the genital cuff armrests. I’m willing to bet you can’t beat the spread. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/48 "2002-12-03T15:02:26Z")
**lieu** , forget about the utilikilt, I think it’s time you revived that bold fashion statement—the codpiece. I’m thinking something along the lines of a fiersome, uni-horned jock strappy thing. It’d become all the rage, I just sense this! Don’t hide your problem under a skirt! Embrace it! (well, so to speak.) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/49 "2002-12-03T15:09:17Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m thinking something along the lines of a fiersome, uni-horned jock strappy thing. Like something a Raider’s fan would wear to the game? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/50 "2002-12-03T15:10:57Z")
I guess that would beat a cheesehead. ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/51 "2002-12-03T15:12:51Z")
Don’t forget the skulls, chains, and spikes. ---
**Author:** ![lauramarlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a5b964/32.png) [@lauramarlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lauramarlane)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/52 "2002-12-03T15:20:00Z")
Well, if you’d like to use the opportunity to show your team spirit, that would be uplifting to all Raider’s fans–I would think 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/53 "2002-12-03T15:31:08Z")
Actually, from the article… "the truth is, it doesn’t fly, it glides, sort of like an eagle except it never has to flap any wings. There are blanket-like membranes of skin between its hindlegs that give it the ability to glide far distances. One Last thing: Now that you know \ work on keeping them alive. They may not be endangered yet, but at the rate we’re going, they’re sure to be endangered someday. These animals, like all animals, have the right to live, especially since they were here first." Eddie, The Eagle… meet lieu, the Flying Scrotum. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/54 "2002-12-03T16:07:20Z")
There is no problem that can’t be solved by Dopers. Or, at the very least, debated. Instead of WD-40, I suggest KY jelly or Astroglde to keep things moving down there. Why not buy a really big tube and keep it right there on your desk where it is easy to reach? ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/55 "2002-12-03T16:12:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CrankyAsAnOldMan \* > \*\*Instead of WD-40, I suggest KY jelly or Astroglde to keep things moving down there. Why not buy a really big tube and keep it right there on your desk where it is easy to reach? \*\* Yeah. Then NO ONE would think he was _ahem_ entertaining himself when he lubed himself up every hour or so. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/56 "2002-12-03T16:51:07Z")
I’ll just do like Gaylord Perry and keep a little Astroglide under my cap brim for the next time I feel crotchity. You guys are simply the best. ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/57 "2002-12-03T17:09:19Z")
Is it just me, or isn’t this why underwear was invented? ---
**Author:** ![Mort\_Furd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mort\_Furd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mort_Furd)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/58 "2002-12-03T19:32:11Z")
That’s what I thought - that and keeping the skidmarks hidden. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/59 "2002-12-03T19:40:54Z")
[Eve enters the thread, raises her lorgnettes, and makes [this](http://www.ciudadfutura.com/comicoscine/margaretdumont.html) face] ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2002, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017/60 "2002-12-03T20:15:51Z")
Ha! You captured us both, **Eve**. Caution: Blanket-like membranes of skin between its hindlegs does not enable user to fly. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-balls-get-stuck-to-the-porch/140017.md?page=4)