# When your name is Johnson... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 17, 2014, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341 "2014-04-17T14:08:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dallas\_Jones](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dallas_jones/32/3277_2.png) [@Dallas\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dallas_Jones)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/21 "2014-04-17T18:35:29Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > But yea, I won’t begrudge people the Johnson jokes, but spare a thought for the kind of terror one must be in to be driven to mutilating yourself like that (to say nothing of hopping out a window). Yes it is horrifying. He will now survive the injuries from his jump, be on suicide watch for an indefinite period, hopefully get some kind of mental treatment, and will have to live with his decision to cut of his penis. Assuming he comes down to earth and becomes clear headed again, that would be a living hell that I would not wish upon anyone. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/22 "2014-04-17T18:50:14Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > I think **xizor** used “ne” when he meant “a/k/a.” Quite right. Thanks for the assist ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/23 "2014-04-17T19:13:39Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Andre Johnson ne Christ Bearer was rushed to the hospital along with his **detachable** penis for medical treatment. Bolding mine. ‘Detachable’?! If it were detachable, he wouldn’t have had to sever it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/24 "2014-04-17T19:23:44Z")
> [@Dallas\_Jones](#): > > Yes it is horrifying. He will now survive the injuries from his jump, be on suicide watch for an indefinite period, hopefully get some kind of mental treatment, and will have to live with his decision to cut of his penis. > > Assuming he comes down to earth and becomes clear headed again, that would be a living hell that I would not wish upon anyone. Yes. He definitely has more problems than he did. I feel so guilty for my initial snickering. I hope there’s some peace for him somehow. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/25 "2014-04-17T19:25:16Z")
When I first read the title on the news blurb I thought the penis was somehow severed in the fall and I wondered how that could happen. What actually happened makes more sense even though it makes no sense. It’s too bad they could not reattach Johnson’s johnson, that’s not going to help his mental health. But I hear they have had some success growing genitals in a lab, maybe he can get a new one? ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/26 "2014-04-17T19:38:21Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Bolding mine. > > ‘Detachable’?! If it were detachable, he wouldn’t have had to sever it. > > 😃 [depeche mode] Your own Detachable Penis [/depeche mode] ---
**Author:** ![tim-n-va](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim-n-va/32/3001_2.png) [@tim-n-va](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim-n-va)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/27 "2014-04-17T20:42:21Z")
> [@Kimballkid](#): > > Bolding mine. > > ‘Detachable’?! If it were detachable, he wouldn’t have had to sever it. > > 😃 They are all detachable. Once. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/28 "2014-04-17T22:26:25Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > [depeche mode] > Your own > > Detachable > > Penis > [/depeche mode] [nitpick] Sir, you forget yourself (or at least the name of the band). That is King Missle (ne Dog Fly Religion), not Depeche Mode. [/nitpick] And as to the OP, I’d only be surprised if it didn’t happen on Earth. Let’s hope he gets some effective mental health care. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/29 "2014-04-17T22:47:35Z")
Why’s everyone assuming he’s mentally ill? More likely, he took some bad drugs. ---
**Author:** ![Simplicio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Simplicio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simplicio)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/30 "2014-04-17T23:04:51Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Why’s everyone assuming he’s mentally ill? More likely, he took some bad drugs. Why do you think that that’s “more likely”? Can you name another case where someone mutilated their own genitals due to “bad drugs”? Here’s a [review on the topic](http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2755137/). The most common cause seems to be psychosis, as I said. The runners up are transvestism, body dysmorphic issues and religious mania. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2014, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/31 "2014-04-18T01:23:20Z")
> [@Simplicio](#): > > Why do you think that that’s “more likely”? Can you name another case where someone mutilated their own genitals due to “bad drugs”? Can’t find a cite ATM specific to penis-torture, but drugs like crack and PCP can make people do really crazy things. I’m just baffled why you & everyone else must assume he’s a crazy person, before all the facts have been examined. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2014, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/32 "2014-04-18T02:08:02Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Can’t find a cite ATM specific to penis-torture, but drugs like crack and PCP can make people do really crazy things. > > I’m just baffled why you & everyone else must assume he’s a crazy person, before all the facts have been examined. I did not call him a crazy person. Even if he took drugs coming to his senses and finding out he doesn’t have a penis anymore is not going to help his emotional well-being and mental health. Which is pretty much what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2014, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/33 "2014-04-18T04:02:24Z")
> [@xizor](#): > > Andre Johnson ne Christ Bearer was rushed to the hospital along with his **detachable penis** for medical treatment. > [@Kimballkid](#): > > Bolding mine. > > ‘Detachable’?! If it were detachable, he wouldn’t have had to sever it. > > 😃 > [@Doug\_K](#): > > [depeche mode] > Your own > > Detachable > > Penis > [/depeche mode] > [@scabpicker](#): > > [nitpick] Sir, you forget yourself (or at least the name of the band). That is King Missle (ne Dog Fly Religion), not Depeche Mode. [/nitpick] [And I just now got here to remind everyone of that song (and band)!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYwiwbgMusY) ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2014, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/34 "2014-04-18T23:04:57Z")
If it was “detachable”, they would have been able to reattach it. Absent further information, I’d bet it was drugs being the mostly likely thing. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/35 "2014-04-19T00:15:49Z")
This just in! E! reports: Source “close to the situation” says he used a serrated steak knife, cut it off in several separate pieces, and was on PCP. [Rapper Andre Johnson Used Steak Knife to Cut Off Penis and Testicles While on Drugs, Source Says](http://www.eonline.com/news/533546/rapper-andre-johnson-used-steak-knife-to-cut-off-penis-and-testicles-while-on-drugs-source-says) Today (April 18), 1:54 PM PDT He sure gon’ be surprised when he finds out what he did to himself. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/36 "2014-04-19T01:09:57Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > …and was on PCP. Now that _that’s_ settled… …I wonder if Ginsu will ask him for an endorsement. ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/37 "2014-04-19T01:30:23Z")
Well, there’s a thread right now on the Dope that he could have the “wins the thread” entry for: [“What was the most painful thing you ever did?”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=721290) ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/38 "2014-04-19T02:02:08Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > Now that _that’s_ settled… > > …I wonder if Ginsu will ask him for an endorsement. They’re still waiting to hear back from O.J. Simpson. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/39 "2014-04-19T06:27:19Z")
My last name isn’t Johnson, but my Mom’s maiden name is. The Johnsons came from Virgina by way of Kentucky, to central Indiana. It’s a family tradition that we’re related to Robert E. Lee’s family. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![randompattern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7993a0/32.png) [@randompattern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/randompattern)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341/40 "2014-04-19T06:47:01Z")
Maybe he accidentally cut his junk off and was so distraught he threw himself off a building? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-name-is-johnson/686341.md?page=3)