# When your SO pours you a drink **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 20, 2017, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798 "2017-09-20T11:11:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/61 "2017-09-21T17:55:48Z")
But …it does seem there are deep seated issues that are exacerbating this 1/2 glass or full glass drama…I think he just needs to reevaluate his priorities …it is not a pointless or mundane thing to him. My problem was pointless and mundane btw. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/62 "2017-09-21T18:18:55Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Wait…I lied…I have to say something…why oh why would yours and presumably your ex-wives children and her family not helping you with her care. They are somewhat obligated, are they not? Jerk them kids up and make them help you. Maybe your SO is pissed about that, you think!?! And furthermore, She is not your servant, period. If he can’t get his SO to stop pouring a few seconds earlier, what makes you think he can make his ex’s kids do more work for their mother? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/63 "2017-09-21T18:37:32Z")
That is a true statement ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/64 "2017-09-21T19:40:16Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > If he can’t get his SO to stop pouring a few seconds earlier, what makes you think he can make his ex’s kids do more work for their mother? In retrospect, I’m happy to have spent a fortune on my divorce. If _my_ ex suffers some horrible medical issue, I get to totally ignore it with the understanding of my kids. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/65 "2017-09-21T20:05:01Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > In retrospect, I’m happy to have spent a fortune on my divorce. If _my_ ex suffers some horrible medical issue, I get to totally ignore it with the understanding of my kids. How old are your kids? I’m looking forward to this, but my kids are 13 and 14 and live with their mother so I don’t have that luxury right now. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/66 "2017-09-21T20:26:25Z")
> [@Slash1972](#): > > How old are your kids? I’m looking forward to this, but my kids are 13 and 14 and live with their mother so I don’t have that luxury right now. Mine are 23 and 27, have good jobs and live close enough that we can see each for holidays and such. They love both me and their mom, but they know the entire story and can totally understand that I wouldn’t lift a finger to help their mom. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/67 "2017-09-21T20:47:56Z")
> [@DSeid](#): > > Let’s accept as truth that Ms.Badger is a person who hears through a negativity filter and interprets minor complaints and criticisms as major affronts to her self-worth. > > And let’s play out that **HoneyBadgerDC** just politely declines and does it himself next time she offers. > > She then asks why he just got up and got himself a drink when she had just been up and offered to do it for him. > > How does he respond in a way that does not get heard negatively? I don’t think there is a way. If someone is going to take whatever I say the wrong way, then I might as well do whatever I want, and, when asked why I am doing it, explain, and have the other person take that the wrong way. At least I am getting what I want. If someone takes “I only want half” the wrong way, then there is no way to avoid being taken the wrong way. So get it yourself. Fortunately the Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** doesn’t pull this kind of thing very much, nor do I (I hope) and we have figured out that a conversation about “why don’t you want what I want you to want” is not going to be resolved by any amount of communication. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![SmellMyWort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SmellMyWort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmellMyWort)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/68 "2017-09-21T21:08:00Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > But …it does seem there are deep seated issues that are exacerbating this 1/2 glass or full glass drama…I think he just needs to reevaluate his priorities > …it is not a pointless or mundane thing to him. My problem was pointless and mundane btw. Maybe so, but you still managed to thread-shit twice before he mentioned the other issue, as well as continued with the “she’s not your servant” crap despite that clearly not being the case. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/69 "2017-09-21T22:43:37Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Next time she does this, throw the glass against the wall, shattering it, and scream, “YOU’VE MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL”. And then invest in shatterproof walls. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw glasses. And OP, just drink half of the liquid and leave the rest. Eventually it won’t be safe to drink and she’ll feel good cleaning it up and saving you from illness. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/70 "2017-09-22T01:09:01Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I don’t think there is a way. > … > Fortunately the Lovely and Talented Mrs. **Shodan** doesn’t pull this kind of thing very much, nor do I (I hope) and we have figured out that a conversation about “why don’t you want what I want you to want” is not going to be resolved by any amount of communication. > … This. Living with difficult people is … difficult. Don’t do that if you can find any way to avoid it. Our OP, who I respect as a decent and reasonable human being from his many posts, has chosen a difficult SO. Maybe not a monstrously difficult SO, but one who admits she cannot (will not?) control aspects of her own behavior that she recognizes are significantly unhelpful to both her and to him. Bravo for her recognition. That’s more than many such folks will accomplish. Shame about the (epic?) fail to control. So it falls, unfairly IMO, to the OP to be the functional grown-up here and adapt however is necessary to the unhelpful reality. The alternative to him adapting is him living with ongoing strife. If you have only two choices, bad and worse, choosing bad must be considered a win. No matter how hard you have to squint to see it that way. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/71 "2017-09-22T01:24:32Z")
> [@kanicbird](#): > > Get a smaller glass? This is the obvious solution, unless you’re familiar with Zeno’s Relationship Paradox. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/72 "2017-09-22T02:52:34Z")
Look …I really don’t know what threadshitting is…And I didn’t mean to jump in with an opinion, so quickly (if that is what you mean)…but I felt he was being way too anal, he said so himself,btw! That is such a small little thing to complain about , imho. Maybe I am way off the issue, but he has a bigger problem than 1/2 glass of juice or whatever he wants to drink. I don’t think he’s a bad person. At all! I think he probably needs some help, and I truly hope he can get some. This is just my opinion! ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/73 "2017-09-22T03:19:27Z")
Re-read post 39…I suggest the fact that the OP knows his problems are larger than a 1/2 glass of juice…He as much as stated it …I rest my case…I done. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/74 "2017-09-22T03:38:08Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Re-read post 39…I suggest the fact that the OP knows his problems are larger than a 1/2 glass of juice…He as much as stated it …I rest my case…I done. Just for the record, the issue actually blew over in less than a minute. And as a rule it doesn’t bother me all that much but does bug me to some degree. I admitted I was feeling over stressed the day i posted this. I have always been slightly anal about food and how it is prepared and served but not to the degree that I actually say something 90% of the time. Slightly off topic, about 10 years ago she started getting into cooking and being more of a homemaker, preparing my lunches for work etc. I think it was the first time she had actually lived in a stable environment. She had trouble remembering what I like on my sandwiches so I made a chart that listed all the meats and condiments breads cheese etc. She only had to go down to the meat and then each condiment would have a X meaning I wanted it or an O meaning optional. I was so proud of my chart and was sure she would love it. Lets just say I had her figured wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/75 "2017-09-22T05:49:09Z")
Charts??seriously? ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/76 "2017-09-22T08:03:05Z")
Start asking for 1/4 glass. That way, when she pours twice as much as you asked for, you both get what you want 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/77 "2017-09-22T12:19:38Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Slightly off topic, about 10 years ago she started getting into cooking and being more of a homemaker, preparing my lunches for work etc. I think it was the first time she had actually lived in a stable environment. She had trouble remembering what I like on my sandwiches so I made a chart that listed all the meats and condiments breads cheese etc. She only had to go down to the meat and then each condiment would have a X meaning I wanted it or an O meaning optional. I was so proud of my chart and was sure she would love it. Lets just say I had her figured wrong. This actually seems very on-topic, to me. Once that had gone badly, how did it get resolved? How is the sandwich-making being dealt with today? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/78 "2017-09-22T13:31:29Z")
> [@Filbert](#): > > Start asking for 1/4 glass. That way, when she pours twice as much as you asked for, you both get what you want 🙂 This actully works, I do it a lot of the time ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/79 "2017-09-22T13:58:21Z")
Why are you guys so worried about how the service is in your own home…get real…there should be a way to get exactly what you want, at home! Oh…yeah…GET UP and get it yourself… no one ever waited on me at home…but I don’t expect them to…I like my sandwiches a certain way…so I fix them myself…charts? Lists? Directions? Are you kidding me? ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798/80 "2017-09-22T14:27:06Z")
FWIW, my love and I have worked out an arrangement. If she wants to do something for me, I don’t criticize how it’s done. If I held a preference strongly enough to have the alternative bug me, I do it myself. If having that thing done for me is offered, I decline if I believe I won’t like the outcome of it being done for me. If I’m presented with something done for me already, I put on my grown-up pants and accept it in the spirit in which was offered. And, of course, vice versa. I do the dishes “wrong”, but at least I’m doing them. I accept valid advice to objectively improve what I’m doing, but she knows better than to criticize on the thin basis of “that’s not how I do it.” And vice versa. Mutual respect and a smidge of tolerance goes a damn long ways (31 years and counting). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/when-your-so-pours-you-a-drink/796798.md?page=5)