# Where all the single wimmen at? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 14, 2005, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659 "2005-12-14T23:13:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/81 "2005-12-18T05:14:56Z")
> [@](#): > > An acting school full of beautiful young women who undergo months of classes to break down their inhibitions. And they ALL had boyfriends or were married. There you go – their inhibitions overcome, they have moved right ahead and focused on getting who they wanted, without hesitation. 😛 > [@](#): > > You know that advice people gave you – “Stop trying so hard and just do stuff you like to do and you’re bound to meet someone?” Well, they were full of shit. > > I’ve been forced to accept that the intersection of what I like to do and what single women in my age group like to do is pretty much the null set. IEven worse when there is a non-null intersection between what we DO like to do and what single women of our age group consider offensive, pathetic, or pathological 😃 > [@](#): > > there are no single men at Barnes & Noble or Borders. Not true, I’d almost _live_ at B&N/Borders. OTOH, that’s just because I happen to _like_ bookstores, I _never_ developed the skillset to “cruise” such places as bookstores, museums or grocery stores – as an earlier poster said, if I’m lingering at the [produce/photography] aisle it’s a pretty sure bet I’m thinking of [salad/photographs] and not up to anything else. > [@](#): > > they’re all over the damn place, but I’m not noticing them because I’m constitutionally incapable of recognizing interest when confronted with it OK, that too. Lots of :smack: moments. Check. > [@](#): > > But the surest way to meet men is by way of a boob job. Except that if she likes the shy, quiet type, she just intimidated the daylights out of him 😃 BTW, agreement on the prior comments that the high concentration of single women is in the college towns (alas, with every year I have less and less traction in that market segment…) ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/82 "2005-12-18T05:30:06Z")
> [@Carnac the Magnificent!](#): > > With almost anything creative, you’ll find tons of single women. Any classes on spiritualism, yoga, meditation, cooking classes, health food stores, home repair clinics for women, interior decor/fabric stores, pet training classes, pet stores, etc. Volunteer organizations are a great idea. But all those things, well…suck. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/83 "2005-12-18T05:35:08Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > I hear that. My ex-wife said that she was about to get a t-shirt made saying, “I like you, Frank,” by the time I noticed she was interested. It has been my experience that the moment you tell a man you’re interested in him, he’s suddenly no longer interested in you. Though they SAY they like it when women make the first move or tell a man they’re interested, I think they enjoy the chase and would prefer we play indifferent while they pursue us. In fact, the last time I did that, the man persisted for **three months** before I finally gave in. Is it because they need to think it’s their idea? Are we more attractive when we’re coy and playing games than when we’re direct and honest? Seriously. I want to know. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/84 "2005-12-18T06:19:10Z")
I’ve heard a lot of guys described that way, **Marge** ; enough to think there might be something to it. But I’m not that way, and I’ve never met a guy who was. I like challenges, but not from relationships, and certainly not from someone being deliberately obtuse. I’ll take honesty every time. In my experience, it’s the women I’m interested in who are oblivious to it. Even when I’m being bold and completely unmistakeable about it. As to whether I notice when women are interested, I don’t know. I’m not sure there’s been anything to notice. ---
**Author:** ![Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Buckler\_of\_Swashing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buckler_of_Swashing)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/85 "2005-12-18T06:20:29Z")
Single. Female. If someone was looking for me, they’d check bookstores. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/86 "2005-12-18T06:37:16Z")
The problem I have is I spend most of my time on the base. And a military base isn’t the best place for picking up girls because: 1: I don’t want a military girl 2: If it’s a civilian girl then there’s a reason she’s on the base, probably because she’s either married or the daughter of some very high ranking person. Another thing that sucks about me meeting a girl is the girls I like, chances are they aren’t going to be in a club or party. And I have yet master the art of meeting a girl completly at random that I’ve never met before. The last two girls that I had anything romantic go on with were both friends before hand, and I’m running out of cute female friends that I’m willing to risk getting into a relationship with, for once that relationship goes sour, the friendship is destroyed. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/87 "2005-12-18T12:07:13Z")
Meeting people is hard enough; getting them interested is even harder, especially when you can’t make them laugh. (IOW Verily do I suck) ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/88 "2005-12-18T13:17:56Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > It has been my experience that the moment you tell a man you’re interested in him, he’s suddenly no longer interested in you. > > Though they SAY they like it when women make the first move or tell a man they’re interested, I think they enjoy the chase and would prefer we play indifferent while they pursue us. In fact, the last time I did that, the man persisted for **three months** before I finally gave in. > > Is it because they need to think it’s their idea? Are we more attractive when we’re coy and playing games than when we’re direct and honest? > > Seriously. I want to know. I have had the opposite experience. I have had women chase me - and when I do return the feelings they lose interest. And if a woman doesn’t show interest in me, I assume she isn’t interested and look elsewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Taran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Taran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taran)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/89 "2005-12-18T16:16:22Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > Are we more attractive when we’re coy and playing games than when we’re direct and honest? Not to me. More generally, a guy who enjoys the thrill of the chase seems more likely to wander off once he’s made the kill, so if you’re looking for a long term relationship, the guys who _don’t_ enjoy the hunt seem like a better bet. But I’m not exactly a neutral party. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2005, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/90 "2005-12-18T16:53:54Z")
> [@Grelby](#): > > Why, hello! How _you_ doin’? Why don’t you and I… > > Wait. Santa Fe, you say? New Mexico? That’s not TOO far from western Massachusetts, is it? > > Yes? > > Crap. > > Oh, and drunken hookups are definitely a turn-off for this single college boy. More is better 🆒. Also, I’m a tea drinker. That’s gotta make me a hot commodity. Right? > > _chirp chirp_ > > Okay, so I guess the question is really: Where the _available_ single wimmen at? Sigh. Arlington, MA. You got plans for New Year’s? ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/91 "2005-12-19T07:43:10Z")
> [@Carnac the Magnificent!](#): > > Friends? Perhaps. > > But the surest way to meet **men** is by way of a boob job. I’d suggest a largish C or smallish D, depending on frame size and time frame. > > Yes, it’s a sad indictment of contemporary American society, but you’ll be on more radars than rain above the plains of Spain. As a single woman who is naturally pretty well-endowed, I can tell you that what **Carnac** says here isn’t necessarily true. I can tell you what I’ve found works for meeting men. Though, as I’ve said before, I’m still single. So maybe taking advice from me on how to meet guys is a bit like taking advice from Starr Jones on how to lose weight. But, just in case this is of interest: 1. Be happy. Think of meeting men as just one part of making your life better, more meaningful, or more fun. I’ve found that, when I’m happy with how my life is going, I meet plenty of available guys. When I’m not happy, there’s not a one to be found anywhere. 2. Be available. The more you’re out and about, the greater probability there is that you’ll run into other people. The greater probability there is that you’ll meet other people, the more likely you are to meet someone you like. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/92 "2005-12-19T09:34:34Z")
> [@monica](#): > > Where the hell are all the single, attractive, intelligent college guys who are interested in a girl for more than a drunken hook-up? Dating my girl friends, I think. Either that or I’ve known them since kindergarten and they’ve reach brother status. It’s a tricky thing, when you’re just one of the boys . . . I’m in my dorm room, desperately trying to finish my creative writing portfolio, which is proving because my computer blew up last week and I have to retype all my rough drafts. Yeah, it’s due at noon. Anyone want to come and kidnap me? I’d bake you a cake! ---
**Author:** ![Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Harvey\_The\_Heavy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harvey_The_Heavy)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/93 "2005-12-19T12:00:24Z")
> [@Large Marge](#): > > Are we more attractive when we’re coy and playing games than when we’re direct and honest? > > Seriously. I want to know. Men who play along with high school games like “Hard To Get” are usually only interested in sex, nothing more. “Gotta do what I gotta do if I wanna get laid” is a line I hear over and over from guys like that. Sadly, too many women fool themselves into thinking there’s more to it than that. I’ve always treated women respectfully, and I’m not casual about sex, but I’ve lost track of how many women have passed me over for Mr. Bad Boy who treats them like shit and fucks around on them. All because I don’t play the dopey games. Honestly, if a woman can’t even show me the simple courtesy of returning my phone calls, why on earth would I continue to waste my time? I give up. ---
**Author:** ![Mint\_Julep](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc79bd/32.png) [@Mint\_Julep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mint_Julep)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/94 "2005-12-19T18:44:20Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > We’re shellshocked and exhausted, not willing to go through another whiplash experience of “You’re the woman of my dreams – oh wait, my bad.” That sums it up. ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/95 "2005-12-19T21:21:25Z")
I keep hearing church, coffee houses, and the like mentioned in this thread. Mentioning such places has almost become a cliche in “where can I meet women” threads on any message board. Reality is much, much different. Bookstores? “I came here to buy Metro Girl, He’s Just Not Into You and the DaVinci Code, _not to meet men!_” Churches and synagogues? “I came here to fulfill my spiritual needs, _not to meet men!_” Grocery stores? “I came here to do my shopping, _not to meet men!_” Coffee houses? “I came here to drink a grande iced half caf triple mocha latte macchiato and write bad poetry, _not to meet men!_” Unless they’re married or in a committed relationship, a man would almost never say “I came to church only to pray and sing hymns, not to meet women” or “I came just to get a cup of coffee and read the paper, not to meet women.” The one hurdle that seems impossible to overcome is that while single men are open to meeting women while living their day-to-day lives, women aren’t as receptive. Even if they’re single, if they go grocery shopping or to a coffee house, then can, and usually do turn off their prowling instinct. Men can’t. Consider how women seldom make eye ontact in public places; they seem to navigate the aisles of a department store or supermarket without even looking at where they’re going. Men can’t do that; we instinctively direct our eyes, even for a fraction of a second, towards any attractive women that might be in our viewshed. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/96 "2005-12-19T23:49:09Z")
> [@Carnac the Magnificent!](#): > > Friends? Perhaps. > > But the surest way to meet **men** is by way of a boob job. I’d suggest a largish C or smallish D, depending on frame size and time frame. > > Yes, it’s a sad indictment of contemporary American society, but you’ll be on more radars than rain above the plains of Spain. I hate to tell you this, CtM, but I am a 34DD. I don’t have any deformities, am in decent shape, have good hair, 2 Masters degrees, a good job, own my own house, and wouldn’t mind supporting my husband if he kept house and stayed home with the one kid I’d like to have. Yet, somehow, I can’t seem to meet a viable life partner. Mostly it’s b/c I have no idea how to do it now that I’m in my 30s. I had a 4 year relationship end about 3 years ago and I lost my mojo after that. I’m clueless now. I used to be good at this, in my 20s. Sigh. Woe is me, boo hoo and all that. I’m OK being a crazy old lady with cats if that’s my destiny. I’d rather it wasn’t, but I don’t know what to do about it. And I won’t turn to internet dating services. ---
**Author:** ![Taran](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Taran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taran)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/97 "2005-12-19T23:59:29Z")
> [@Miss Purl McKnittington](#): > > Dating my girl friends, I think. Either that or I’ve known them since kindergarten and they’ve reach brother status. It’s a tricky thing, when you’re just one of the boys . . . > > I’m in my dorm room, desperately trying to finish my creative writing portfolio, which is proving because my computer blew up last week and I have to retype all my rough drafts. Yeah, it’s due at noon. Anyone want to come and kidnap me? I’d bake you a cake! Hm…could I have an option on pie? ---
**Author:** ![Cowgirl\_Jules](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4af34b/32.png) [@Cowgirl\_Jules](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cowgirl_Jules)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/98 "2005-12-20T00:05:23Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Grocery stores? “I came here to do my shopping, _not to meet men!_” You know, you’re right. I even said that line in my post upthread. And you’re right about turing off the radar - I totally do that too. If the radar’s not on, a perfectly nice guy could be standing right in front of me waving semaphore flags, and I still won’t get the message. We’re all the same sorts of oblivious sometimes. But my radar’s not _always_ off in these settings. It does tend to go away if I’ve got my kids with me, but if I don’t and I’m not feeling stressed and I’m generally happy, I may actually notice someone and pay attention. Maybe bars are such stereotypical places to meet people because the mere act of going to one generally does turn the ol’ radar on? I do pay more attention at a place like that than I do at the grocery store (most of the time,) but the grocery store is where I’m more likely to be. The odds don’t look good, do they? ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/99 "2005-12-20T00:30:16Z")
**Rubystreak** , how you doin’? Somebody had to say it. And your post just captures the feeling of untapped potential that makes this whole topic so frustrating. ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659/100 "2005-12-20T21:14:34Z")
I’m a 50 year old male who was never very good at the bar/ meat market dating scene. I’ve tried the bookstore route, since I spend a lot of time in them anyhow, with no luck. I’ve tried an adult activities group and found the population thereof to be overwhelmingly male. I work in a place where the great majority of my coworkers are women (wimmen, womyns?) almost all of whom are 20 to 30 years younger than I am. Frankly, I’m running out of ideas here. I’m well-read, like movies and theater. I have a very large cd collection and love to listen to and discuss music. I have something resembling a sense of humor. On the down side, I’m not rich or pretty. I weigh too much. I was married and my wife passed away several years ago. I’d love to start an email correspondence with a female doper in the 40 to 50 age range. I don’t care where you live. I live in Seattle. If anyone is interested my email address is in my profile. We can worry about the possibility of meeting later. **brightpenny** and **Baker** , please consider my suggestion. **twickster** , your posts were one of the reasons I decided to join this board. If I lived anywhere near Philadelphia, I would have asked you for a date a long time ago. Just sayin’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-all-the-single-wimmen-at/335659.md?page=6)