# Where are good places for people to meet their partners? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 8, 2012, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594 "2012-07-08T12:14:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ScarletNumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@ScarletNumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletNumber)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/21 "2012-07-08T19:33:13Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > As an aside, what’s this with our well know poster **even sven** and the new guy or girl named **even seven?** Prepare for being confused often in your near future, you two. 🙂 Yes, I’m currently working on finding a new acceptable screen name. ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/22 "2012-07-08T19:34:55Z")
> [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > I’m 45 and pretty much one of the old guys in my office, most of the people in the department are under 35. If anyone admits that they were on eHarmony or something, people wouldn’t snicker behind their backs. They’d be mocked openly. This hasn’t happened yet, but there have been plenty of jokes made mocking internet dating in general. This is crowd of fairly well-off and well-educated professionals, and very very tech savvy. Ditto, except I’m 22 and my peer group is probably less well educated. I only know one person who met his or her significant other online and admits it- my second cousin. His wife is from Russia and my usually polite family mocked him mercilessly because of his “mail-order bride.” Most people I know met each other through mutual friends, or possibly in a bar. The stereotype about online daters is that they don’t get out very much and have no friends to introduce them to people. Of course it isn’t very accurate, but that is some people’s perception. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/23 "2012-07-08T19:39:19Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > Yes, I’m currently working on finding a new acceptable screen name. Really? That’s just randomly your screen name? I was planning to roll with it and assume it made sense to someone somewhere. But if that really came up at random, that’s pretty nuts. Welcome to the SDMB! ---
**Author:** ![ScarletNumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@ScarletNumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletNumber)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/24 "2012-07-08T19:45:03Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Literally every person I know right now who is single and looking, uses dating sites. Then your circle of single and looking friends is unattractive. Not that there is anything wrong with that (a reference from 1993, not 1995) ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/25 "2012-07-08T19:56:14Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > Then your circle of single and looking friends is unattractive. > > Not that there is anything wrong with that (a reference from 1993, not 1995) You seem like a pretty swell guy. (Or lady.) Anyway, in my experience, the idea that only unattractive losers find their partners via online dating sites is a relic of a previous era. I am surprised to hear that this attitude is still apparently hanging on in some places. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/26 "2012-07-08T20:18:34Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > It is. They don’t do same-sex matches (though they were recently forced to, they opened another same-sex dating site instead of allowing same sex matches on eHarmony, iirc) and you can’t choose “atheist”, only “spiritual” or something equally namby-pamby. > > I met my husband on eHarmony. We’d both been on for about six weeks at the time. Just checked my profile: Religion: Neither religious nor spiritual. True, it doesn’t give me choices for “atheist” or even “agnostic”.. -D/a ---
**Author:** ![ScarletNumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@ScarletNumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletNumber)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/27 "2012-07-08T20:22:48Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > You seem like a pretty swell guy. (Or lady.) > > Anyway, in my experience, the idea that only unattractive losers find their partners via online dating sites is a relic of a previous era. I am surprised to hear that this attitude is still apparently hanging on in some places. To be fair, I never used the word “loser”. But I stand by “unattractive”. Attractive people don’t need to go online to find dates. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/28 "2012-07-08T20:27:42Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > But I stand by “unattractive”. Attractive people don’t need to go online to find dates. Yeah, OK. Go try it on someone else, I’m not biting. ---
**Author:** ![ScarletNumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@ScarletNumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletNumber)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/29 "2012-07-08T20:30:56Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > Yeah, OK. Go try it on someone else, I’m not biting. 😕 I don’t know what this means. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/30 "2012-07-08T20:32:14Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > But I stand by “unattractive”. Attractive people don’t need to go online to find dates. That depends. No matter how attractive you yourself are, if you live and work in places where there aren’t very many other single people of the appropriate sex and age, you’ll have a lot harder time finding someone. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/31 "2012-07-08T20:34:22Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > 😕 I don’t know what this means. That was my way of saying that to me, your comment seems designed to spark argument (for one thing, there are people who have already posted in this thread who say they met their partners via online dating, so you essentially just called them, and their partners, ugly, which is admittedly not a terrible way to get a pretty good flamewar going) and I am not interested in having that argument. Anyway, apologies for the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/32 "2012-07-08T20:36:31Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > To be fair, I never used the word “loser”. > > But I stand by “unattractive”. Attractive people don’t need to go online to find dates. Yet the sites are full of attractive people. Not just looking for dates, but people who are compatible. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Mouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mighty_mouse/32/7776_2.png) [@Mighty\_Mouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Mouse)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/33 "2012-07-08T20:39:43Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > Really? I’m 31, and all of my single girlfriends use online dating- the Monday morning water cooler is all about how that weekend’s OKCupid adventures went. It’s big, busy city and people barely have time for their friends, much hoping to randomly run into a like-minded guy at the supermarket. Many of my friends (across very different peer groups) are systematic daters, meeting 3-4 guys a week and seeing which relationships blossom. Most of they people in my office are male. Maybe that is the difference. Maybe they are lying. Before there was internet dating there were various commercial “introduction services” but no one admitted to using them. But this is a funny idea that people have a hard time meeting people. Almost everyone I know met their SO at work, school, church, tennis league, etc. My wife and I worked on a project together and at a corporate outing found ourselves playing mixed doubles together. I must have worked with hundreds of young people in my age range (fellow employees, consultants, customers, etc) in the years when I was 25-30. My family also tried to hook me up with a few women, one of which looked like a really hot prospect for a while. My five siblings met their spouses at work (2), college or grad school (2) and at a cat rescue place. This was all in the 1990s. Surely the world has not changed that much in the last 15 years. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/34 "2012-07-08T20:40:13Z")
Has **seven** outworn his welcome and tenuous credibility already? That was just getting fun! Most people I know who use online dating aren’t looking for “dates,” they are looking for life partners. And that’s tough even for the most attractive people on earth (celebrity marriages, anyone?) Being able to get a hookup at a bar isn’t the same as being able to find a compatible person to start a family with, and why not use all the tools you have to find that? Rich people shouldn’t have trouble buying a plane ticket, but they still use online travel sites. > [@listedmia](#): > > Ditto, except I’m 22 and my peer group is probably less well educated. I only know one person who met his or her significant other online and admits it- my second cousin. His wife is from Russia and my usually polite family mocked him mercilessly because of his “mail-order bride.” There is a good chance that will change as you get older. At 22, you spend a lot of time in college networks full of single people your age. It’s an ideal dating situation. Everyone is young, flexible, fairly low on pre-existing commitments, open to experimenting with different kinds of partners and not under a lot of pressure for a particular dating outcome. At 32, there are fewer single people your age, and you probably won’t meet too many at them at work (but you may be working crazy hours.) You probably also have more specific ideas about your partner and the nature of relationships that you are interested in. You’ve probably also go other commitments that limit the possibilities even more. When you’ve got a real job and an adult life, being accused of “not going out” sort of loses its sting. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/35 "2012-07-08T20:45:51Z")
> [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > Surely the world has not changed that much in the last 15 years. It really has. Just give me a minute while I grab some cites for you from the Wiki app on my smartphone. ---
**Author:** ![ScarletNumber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c0e974/32.png) [@ScarletNumber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ScarletNumber)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/36 "2012-07-08T20:45:58Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > That was my way of saying that to me, your comment seems designed to spark argument (for one thing, there are people who have already posted in this thread who say they met their partners via online dating, so you essentially just called them, and their partners, ugly, which is admittedly not a terrible way to get a pretty good flamewar going) and I am not interested in having that argument. > > Anyway, apologies for the hijack. I never used “ugly”, just like I never used “loser”. All I said was “unattractive”. It is not a crime to be unattractive. Not everyone can be attractive. I accept your apology. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/37 "2012-07-08T20:53:25Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > the idea that only unattractive losers find their partners via online dating sites is a relic of a previous era. I am surprised to hear that this attitude is still apparently hanging on in some places. Me too. Online dating/matching has been around for about as long as the internet (at least as we know it). Do these people only look for jobs in newspapers too? I do think it’s more common for people who are a little older though; the majority of younger crowd (I’d say roughly under 25) are still too busy being “party dudes” to get overly serious about finding someone. Also I’m surprised no one has said [meetup.com](http://meetup.com). They sometimes have singles groups, but better than that I think are simply having groups which fit your interests or fit you in other ways (eg 30something groups etc) that up your chances. And meanwhile you can at least get out more and meet people generally and who knows… ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/38 "2012-07-08T20:59:48Z")
> [@Even seven](#): > > To be fair, I never used the word “loser”. > > But I stand by “unattractive”. Attractive people don’t need to go online to find dates. True. They can always find shallow losers who are just interested in looks. > [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > Surely the world has not changed that much in the last 15 years. 😕 Yikes. You really need to get out more. Start by flying somewhere. 🙂 > [@MsWhatsit](#): > > It really has. Just give me a minute while I grab some cites for you from the Wiki app on my smartphone. uhhhhhhh…a what? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/39 "2012-07-08T21:00:03Z")
I’ll give that DC late 20s/early 30s yuppies are the perfect storm for online dating. The sex ration is skewed towards young women, and lots of women hit the “Oh shit I’m 30 I better get serious” point. Everyone works long crazy hours and is so busy you schedule coffee with friends two weeks in advance. and lots of people are transplants and don’t have lots of set social networks to date within. > [@Mighty\_Mouse](#): > > My five siblings met their spouses at work (2), college or grad school (2) and at a cat rescue place. This was all in the 1990s. Surely the world has not changed that much in the last 15 years. You can’t think of anything that has changed about how people interact and communicate since the mid-1990s? ---
**Author:** ![listedmia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e0b2c6/32.png) [@listedmia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/listedmia)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2012, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594/40 "2012-07-08T21:01:07Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > There is a good chance that will change as you get older. At 22, you spend a lot of time in college networks full of single people your age. It’s an ideal dating situation. Everyone is young, flexible, fairly low on pre-existing commitments, open to experimenting with different kinds of partners and not under a lot of pressure for a particular dating outcome. I agree with this up to a point, although I didn’t last very long in college. My boyfriend is almost 20 years older than me, and most of our friends are somewhere in between (my friends from high school all live in another state). I think their views on online dating have more to do with them being alcoholic ne’er-do-wells and less with youth. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-good-places-for-people-to-meet-their-partners/627594.md?page=3)