# Where are you Cecil Adams? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 8, 2000, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961 "2000-07-08T17:23:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/81 "2001-01-20T18:30:30Z")
I used to think Cecil was Ed Zotti. But talking to people that have met Ed, (whom will go unnamed,) and doing some research on my own - I have come to the conclusion that I have to -seriously- doubt Cecil is Ed. Ed is not the only one that knows the secret, and I don’t think the secret will ever go beyond the very few who know. But isn’t it better that way? I once used to enjoy illusions…but then I figured out how they were all done…and it took all the fun out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/82 "2001-01-20T23:32:29Z")
Interesting…the troll Cecil (with the “\_” in his name) is still a member…😕 I’d settle for being insulted by Cecil. In fact, I’d prefer an insult to a welcome. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Clucky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@Clucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clucky)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/83 "2001-01-21T00:02:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Clucky \* > > \*\*I am going on the record by saying I do NOT want to be welcomed by Cecil. > > > > I have my reasons. > > > > \*\* > > That’ll show him! 😉 \*\* No, just a joke. But, hey, you know, I can’t resist anymore. _Please, please acknowledge my existence, o’ exulted leader. I neeeed you or my life will never be fulfilled. How will I ever have a worthy sig if you don’t greet me?_ :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![relic\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/50afbb/32.png) [@relic\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/relic_11)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2001, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/84 "2001-01-21T00:31:17Z")
I don’t want to be greeted by him, I don’t want to be insulted by him… I want to be bitch-slapped by him. I want him to beat me like a red-headed step-child. I want him to hit me as hard as he can… ---
**Author:** ![tshirts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@tshirts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tshirts)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2001, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/85 "2001-01-22T22:14:17Z")
Better be careful what you wish for. Those ivory tower types know lots of tricky moves 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/86 "2001-01-23T00:25:41Z")
I too want to be welcomed. Hey Cease was is another work that end in -gry. How much wood could a woodchuck cuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.And why do we drives on the parkways and park on the driveways? ---
**Author:** ![Nymysys](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f6c823/32.png) [@Nymysys](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nymysys)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/87 "2001-01-23T01:12:52Z")
Well, I’m the brash, young upstart that went so far as to say Cecil was feeding me soup in the Calvinball thread. I think that deserves an insult, smackdown, or some other version of Cecil-ness. I, too, am ready for the Great One to approach. Or, he could just come REALLY feed me soup. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/88 "2001-01-23T01:40:57Z")
MannyL, since Cecil doesn’t seem to be showing up… According to Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, a if a woodchuck could chuck wood, it would be able to chuck roughly 500 pounds (based on researcher’s estimates). ---
**Author:** ![Broken\_Doll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbce88/32.png) [@Broken\_Doll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broken_Doll)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/89 "2001-01-23T05:53:28Z")
Seeing as I’ve lost my faith in God, I’m in need of something new to worship. Cecil? Where are you? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/90 "2001-01-23T14:56:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Im going to settle this issue once & for all. According to the US trademark office, it was a trademark & oh, so sorry to anyone who thinks he was a real person: … That’s “US Patent & Trademark Office”. Note that there’s no mention of “Cecil Adams” ever being a registered trademark. The file has been abandoned (i.e.: declared dead) in 1989 after it was decided that the mark would never become registered. The mark is still in use even though that “®” won’t be added. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/91 "2001-01-23T15:32:49Z")
I am so afraid of missing another chance I gotta put my two cents in. Please Cecil? Pretty please, with sugar on top? And whipping cream? And a cherry? And silk sheets? And some chocolate body paint? And… (that’s enough! I am at work after all!) C’mon, one little “Hi”, I’ll never ask again. (I know he’s not big on flattery, but I have trouble being all nasty without just cause). ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/92 "2001-01-23T16:16:16Z")
Okay, people…This has got to stop. It’s like inviting God to dinner. You know he ain’t gonna show up, and he’s too busy being the Omniscient Avenger of Enlightenment to RSVP. Count those who have been welcomed by Him as touched by the divine, offer your worship and keep your fingers crossed. Reminds me of a joke. Melvin was a very orthodox Jew. He’d go to Synagogue every day, sometimes twice. He was constantly seen talking to God, asking for favours. “God, please help me get this job,” and “God, I need a wife, please find one for me.” All the time like this. And yet, he was destitute. Worst of all, his brother, who was a gambler, philanderer and all-around not-so-nice guy, had never once set foot in Synagogue. For some reason, Melvin’s brother had everything he could possibly want. One day, after talking with his brother, Melvin went to shul and beat his breast, tore his hair out, and asked “Why, God? Why? Aren’t I your faithful servant? Don’t I always come to you? Why is my brother so successful, and here I am, a nothing–a schlump?” Suddenly a voice came down from above. A deep, booming voice: “Because, Melvin, you’re such a _nudnik!_” * * * All I’m trying to say is, have a little faith. Cecil is there. He loves us–well, he probably doesn’t give a damn about us–and that’s all we need to know. As long as his Holy Writ is published without fail, we must adore him and accept his absence. For Mystery is the essence of Cecil. ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/93 "2001-01-23T16:36:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Poysyn \* > \*\*I am so afraid of missing another chance I gotta put my two cents in. > > Please Cecil? Pretty please, with sugar on top? > And whipping cream? > And a cherry? > And silk sheets? > And some chocolate body paint? > And… (that’s enough! I am at work after all!) > > \*\* ``` Hey, what's office hours? and can I stop by? ``` ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2001, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961/94 "2001-01-23T22:18:31Z")
Ahh Lurkernomore, can always count on you for a little blush 🙂 (also needed to bump this so Cecil might notice it!) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-are-you-cecil-adams/24961.md?page=4)