# Where do you stay vs. Where do you live? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 30, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877 "2013-07-30T02:58:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/1 "2013-07-30T02:58:39Z")
I’ve been noticing this more and more over the last couple of years. I’m wondering how it came about, whether it’s regional to my area maybe, or if it’s being used all over. When I want to know where someone lays their head at night, I ask them where they live. I’ve heard more and more the question asking where they stay instead. If I do ask someone where they’re staying, it’s always in reference to what hotel or B&B or friend/relative while they’re away from home. It’s never in reference to where their mail goes, but that seems to be the usage I’m hearing more and more. Could this be an indication of a more transient population, where people don’t live in a home any more and simply “stay” places? Do they not consider an apartment a permanent home? I’ve heard it from people of all ages, so I don’t think it’s a youthful term I’m just not hip to. Could it just be a newer use of the term “stay” and not have the temporary insinuation that I put to it? It seems that wouldn’t be the case since I’ve certainly heard people older than me use it, but who knows? ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/2 "2013-07-30T03:15:57Z")
I remember that from the UK a couple of decades ago. It’s in my mind as a north of England/Lowlands of Scotland kind of expression. Could it have migrated? ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/3 "2013-07-30T03:39:09Z")
I think it’s mainly because people somehow redefine words like “stay” and “live”. Kind of like “always”. No one usually uses that correctly. I have a similar problem with “Going home?” and “Where are you from?” I say I’m leaving for the holidays and people say, “Going home for the holidays?” No, I’m going to my parent’s place across the country. My home is down the street." And “Where are you from?” A womb, like most people my age. 😃 I was born in Illinois, moved to Philadelphia suburbs when I was 7, lived there 23 years, Boston for three years, now Southern CA for 15 years. “Oh, so you’re from Philly”. WTF?? Do I say I’m from CA when it reaches 24 years?? ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/4 "2013-07-30T03:42:28Z")
I’ve always heard “stay” from black friends and co-workers. (here in Cleveland/Akron) ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Downtown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Mr\_Downtown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Downtown)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/5 "2013-07-30T04:07:17Z")
Right. Black English versus mainstream usage. I first became aware of it circa 1970. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/6 "2013-07-30T04:18:51Z")
I hear it all the time here in Seattle. A lot of people who say it really are just staying somewhere temporarily, or pretend-temporarily like if they’re “staying” at their mom’s house for the last two years…but some people say it about a long-term residence. ---
**Author:** ![Accidental\_Martyr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ce7236/32.png) [@Accidental\_Martyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Accidental_Martyr)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/7 "2013-07-30T09:20:00Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’ve always heard “stay” from black friends and co-workers. (here in Cleveland/Akron) Same here. (Alabama) ---
**Author:** ![bahimes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@bahimes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bahimes)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/8 "2013-07-30T09:36:34Z")
“Where are you from?” Ohio, Florida, Hawaii, Florida, Bahamas, Hawaii, Florida, SC. Italy, Spain, Italy, Spain. Alabama, Florida. Japan, Jordan, Turkey, Iraq, Austria. What decade/time of my life do you mean? Generally I say Florida, but over half my life has been outside the continental US. Even the Brits I meet can’t place my mid atlantic accent. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/9 "2013-07-30T10:50:52Z")
Virtually 100% of my African American cow-orkers say “stay”. (They also “cut” the light off). Virtually 100% of my Caucasian cow-orkers say “live”. (They also “shut (or turn)” the light off). mmm ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 11:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/10 "2013-07-30T11:07:45Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > And “Where are you from?” A womb, like most people my age. 😃 I was born in Illinois, moved to Philadelphia suburbs when I was 7, lived there 23 years, Boston for three years, now Southern CA for 15 years. “Oh, so you’re from Philly”. WTF?? Do I say I’m from CA when it reaches 24 years?? To me, “where are you from” means “where did you grow up”. Basically, it means where did you go to K-12. I’m like you - I moved from Jerusalem to New York as an infant, and then to Haifa, Israel from age 6 to 26. Even though I’ve lived in Tel Aviv for 11 years now, when people ask me where I’m from, I say Haifa. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/11 "2013-07-30T11:22:12Z")
I think it’s probably specific to your area. Most adults typically “stay” in the homes where they live. The only exceptions I can think of: -College students who by definition are not living in a permanent housing. -People right out of college who live in expensive trendy urban neighborhoods with 3 roommates and go “home” on the holidays to wherever their parents live. -Businesspeople traveling for work staying in a hotel or corporate housing. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/12 "2013-07-30T23:11:33Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > I’ve always heard “stay” from black friends and co-workers. (here in Cleveland/Akron) Exactly this. I always assumed it was because they seemed to move around a bit more frequently. One co-worker changes addresses at least once a year. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/13 "2013-07-30T23:32:45Z")
“Where do you stay?” Is standard in Scottish and Indian English to mean what I would say “Where do you live?” ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2013, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/14 "2013-07-30T23:58:06Z")
One more data point for the Black usage, this time in Chicago. It was a term I found rather puzzling when I first heard it. I mean, I understood it, but like the OP, I consider “stay” to be temporary in nature, a few days or weeks, maybe a season. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/15 "2013-07-31T00:22:04Z")
Black/ghetto usage here in Northern California. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/16 "2013-07-31T00:32:50Z")
Most folks around here use “live”. Even the younger ones in their 20’s who mostly rent and change places frequently (the ones at our workplace do that is) - they won’t say “stay” but they’ll ask each other “Where ya livin’ now?” ---
**Author:** ![Rhiannon8404](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhiannon8404/32/17929_2.png) [@Rhiannon8404](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhiannon8404)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/17 "2013-07-31T02:50:01Z")
I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use the phrase “Where do you stay?” to mean, “where do you reside?”. If someone is in town temporarily, they might be asked, “Where are you staying?” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/18 "2013-07-31T09:07:45Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > To me, “where are you from” means “where did you grow up”. Basically, it means where did you go to K-12. To me it’s that place where you’re instantly recognized as being “from there”. I’m not from the place where I went to K-12, but from the place where I was born. People from where I grew up end any attempt at “placing me” (which can last well over one hour) with “oh, but then you’re not from [Place]!” Well, no, and I already told you at the start that I just grew up there! I’m not from there and I left as soon as I could. People from where I was born hear my lastname, ask “are you related to [insert one of my relatives here]?”, I give them the degree, they decree “ah, then you’re from here since forever! We just hadn’t met because you haven’t lived here in decades, that’s all”. My character and tastes match those common in this town much more closely than those from where I grew up… and yes, the two places are just 90km apart. Both of my brothers were born where I grew up: one of them is from there, the other from where we were born (even though in his case it was simply because the maternity ward happened to be there). As for live and stay, my work is always project-based and wherever my client happens to want me, so the house where I live but rarely sleep in is different from wherever I happen to be staying, which can be a hotel or a flat depending on the project. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/19 "2013-07-31T16:27:13Z")
I have heard this with those speaking AAVE. “Where you stay?” or “Where he stay?”. Stay refers to where someone lives. The [second definition](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Stay)listed in the Urban Dictionary. ---
**Author:** ![JuliaSqueezer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/82dd89/32.png) [@JuliaSqueezer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuliaSqueezer)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/20 "2013-07-31T19:03:44Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Virtually 100% of my African American cow-orkers say “stay”. > > (They also “cut” the light off). > > Virtually 100% of my Caucasian cow-orkers say “live”. > > (They also “shut (or turn)” the light off). > mmm Same with “make my car payment” instead of “pay my car note” or “she fainted” vs “she fell out”. In metro Detroit, we hear both usages, cleanly split between Caucasians and African Americans. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877.md?page=2)