# Where do you stay vs. Where do you live? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 30, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877 "2013-07-30T02:58:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/21 "2013-07-31T19:30:10Z")
I’ve never heard this but I also don’t know any black people and haven’t for more than half my life except a neighbor I had at my last complex who would have no reason to ask where I live because neighbors. It’s very white where I live. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/22 "2013-07-31T19:37:54Z")
Here in the southern United States, we often say “cut off the lights”. I have found that sometimes the phrases we use here are more regional than racial. White people and black people both say cut off/out the lights, and we often use “fixin’ to” or pronounced “fitna” meaning I’m preparing to do something. “I’m fixin’ to leave in a minute” or “I’m fitna bust you up”. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/23 "2013-07-31T19:38:17Z")
You know another couple I’ve noticed: “White” Are you up for going out? “Black” Are you down to go out? “White” I got your back. “Black” I got you. ---
**Author:** ![Aucklander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/da6949/32.png) [@Aucklander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aucklander)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2021, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877/25 "2021-01-05T04:29:55Z")
I first noticed this a few decades ago, and I’ve thought about it a lot. After moving south from the North Shore of Auckland (predominantly “white”) to the more diverse and “browner” areas, people would ask “Where do you stay?” instead of “Where do you live?” regardless of the details of your residential situation. They don’t want to know if you’re renting or boarding or own your own place or stay in a hotel, just your address. Now that I’m used to it, I think **Where do you stay?** is a much more useful question. _Where do you live?_ Well, I’m never not alive, so I guess you could say I live wherever I am. The word _live_ implies more permanence than _stay_, but I’m not going to live forever, and not always in the same place. And if you’re asking where I stay, do you want to stay with me? - are you offering a ride home? Cause that’s a whole new conversational direction that interests me much more than talking about real estate. And I think that’s why I like “Where do you stay?” better. It’s more immediate. You’re not being judged on where you “live” - just asked where you are staying now. Things could change. I call myself “Aucklander”, but who knows? Life is long. Maybe I’m just staying here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-do-you-stay-vs-where-do-you-live/664877.md?page=1)