# "Where I spit, no grass grows, EVER." **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 15, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956 "2004-11-15T23:44:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![TwoTrouts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9adbd/32.png) [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/41 "2004-11-16T15:32:22Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I just look at my “What Would Joan Crawford Do?” bracelet, and let God sort 'em out. Hahahahahaha 😛 Damn! That is funny! I want one of those bracelets!!! 😃 Oh, and I hope everything works out well for you! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/42 "2004-11-16T15:41:51Z")
**Eve** , 30 years as your mother’s doctor or not, I’d be damned if I’d put up with that “too busy to talk to families” shit. My father (and mother) used the same primary doctor for 20 years. When I found out he was prescribing drugs for my father, **knowing** that he had other meds from a couple of specialists that would not interact well with the new drugs, I threw a Joan Crawford Tina Bring Me That Ax Fit with my folks and him. They got a new primary physcian. If that doctor cannot or will not take the time to inform you, then your mother needs one that will. She may not like it, my folks didn’t at first either, but your first concern has to be her health over her feelings. Where can I get a WWJCD bracelet? ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/43 "2004-11-16T15:47:03Z")
> [@Kallessa](#): > > **Exasperated Sighs** – stock market declines, souffles fall, rain in L.A., random baldness. This explains a lot about last week. Eve, please cheer up. I can’t afford a wig. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/44 "2004-11-16T15:50:39Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > When crossed, I’m ruthless. I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes. I am folding this one up and putting it in my pocket for safekeeping. I’m afraid I lack the cachet to actually use it though. I’ve been relying on “I will rip your head off and shit down your neck” but it’s far more vulgar and is unoriginal to boot. Good luck, \*\*Eve. \*\* May your adversaries all see the wisdom of tiptoeing around you this week. ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/45 "2004-11-16T16:14:04Z")
I guess I’m the only one who reads this and feels like playing matador 😉 Eve, feel like going for coffee? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/46 "2004-11-16T16:37:03Z")
Nah, **Barbarian** , you’re not alone. I LIKES my wimmins spunky! But first I have to wrap my head around her truly impossible demand. A cat sitter who isn’t flaky? I’ve never heard of such a thing. And **Eve** , dear, I’m as close as your email and I respond, unlike some people. I even have to keep it open all the time now because one major contact’s office email doesn’t talk to my office email so she has to send drawing to my personal account. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/47 "2004-11-16T17:43:47Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > When crossed, I’m ruthless. I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes. Isn’t that divine, _jungle red_. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/48 "2004-11-16T17:58:07Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Oh, and I also have to find a reliable, pill-giving cat-sitter in the next week, so I can visit Mom over Thanksgiving . . . Anyone know of any online pet-sitter clearinghouses? Pretty sure you’re not in my area, or I’d volunteer. I used to work in a vet clinic, and I can pill anything. I’ve pilled cats, dogs, various species of rodentia, and on two memorable occasions, an owl and a heron. FYI, herons are mean and obviously not pilled very often in the wild. > [@Eve](#): > > I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes. Better let me know where to send the royalty cheques, because I’m using this as soon as I can fit it into a conversation. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![5que](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/3bc359/32.png) [@5que](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5que)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/49 "2004-11-16T18:16:25Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes. _YES!_ Another great SDMB quote to join: “I will use their blackened hearts for paperweights. I will play badminton with the souls of their children.” Sorry, can’t offer props to the original author. The [Teeming Millions](http://teemingmillions.com/) “Page-O-Flames” web site seems to be down/gone. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/50 "2004-11-16T19:12:16Z")
**Eve** , if I lived in New Jersey, _I’d_ sit for your kitties. Dealing with elderly parents and their doctors and keeping everything straight is very suckworthy, I know. It takes a lot of patience and a mega-memory. I’m sorry you’re going through this. ::gives **Eve** some virtual Chicken-in-a-Biskits:: ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/51 "2004-11-16T19:38:47Z")
[QUOTE=The King of Soup] Fortunately, Wholecloth Publishing’s Pocket Apocalypse series has just come out with the definitive guide to the consequences of annoying **Eve**. Titled “So Now You’re Just Asking for Trouble,” it outlines just exactly what will happen if **Eve** : QUOTE] KoS, may I please take that, change it to my name and put it up in my cube? I’m dying to put it up in the corner and see what happens when people read it! HI-LARIOUS!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/52 "2004-11-16T21:19:14Z")
[QUOTE=Faruiza] > [@The King of Soup](#): > > Fortunately, Wholecloth Publishing’s Pocket Apocalypse series has just come out with the definitive guide to the consequences of annoying **Eve**. Titled “So Now You’re Just Asking for Trouble,” it outlines just exactly what will happen if **Eve** : > QUOTE] > KoS, may I please take that, change it to my name and put it up in my cube? I’m dying to put it up in the corner and see what happens when people read it! HI-LARIOUS!! As far as I’m concerned you may, though I think **Eve** also has an interest. In any event, I’d think that you might want to keep the format but change the text to reflect local geography and sensibilities, for which no permission is needed. And thank you **Eve** , for the grace with which you responded to my stupid joke. I still feel kind of bad about it, though. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/53 "2004-11-16T21:20:13Z")
> [@](#): > > …this ain’t my first time at the rodeo. Nitpick: Driving your bare hand into a Brahma bull’s sternum, ripping out his still beating heart, eating it like an apple, and picking your teeth with it’s rib - while _very_ impressive - is not rodeo. It just ain’t. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/54 "2004-11-16T22:06:02Z")
:smack: Sometimes I get going so fast, I become an asshole. What I meant to end that post with is: {{{{EVE}}}} You have the backbone of a Goddess, and the sharpness of a diamond tipped blade. Here’s to hoping the people in your life straighten up or suffer an embarassing public immolation. :o ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/55 "2004-11-16T22:10:06Z")
Your worst problem is definitely the doctor. You’ve got my vote for pushing him under the train. The little bastid. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/56 "2004-11-16T22:12:49Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > When crossed, I’m ruthless. I will push you under the train and use your blood to polish my shoes. I am so turned on right now. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/57 "2004-11-16T22:20:06Z")
> [@5que](#): > > _YES!_ Another great SDMB quote to join: “I will use their blackened hearts for paperweights. I will play badminton with the souls of their children.” > Sorry, can’t offer props to the original author. The quote [made famous by Juniper200](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=3639002&postcount=58) is “I will have these people’s stony hearts for paperweights. I will play badmitton with the souls of their firstborn.” ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2004, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/58 "2004-11-16T22:26:26Z")
**Eve** , sweetie, I have a friend in Manhattan who is not a professional cat-sitter, but is has done it before, is very reliable, knows how to pill cats, and needs money enough to be flexible. (That wounds worse than was meant to.) If you want someone next week, let me know and I can get him in touch with you. mischievous ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/59 "2004-11-17T01:08:26Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Your worst problem is definitely the doctor. You’ve got my vote for pushing him under the train. The little bastid. Unofrtunately, I need him, so rather than shooting him just to see him die, I must \*bend him to my will. \* He _shall_ do my bidding. As for the cat-sitter, I am waiting to hire a new one before feeding the old one to the cats. I’m kickin’ names and takin’ asses. Or however that phrase goes. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2004, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956/60 "2004-11-17T01:12:19Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I must \*bend him to my will. \* He _shall_ do my bidding. There is no spoon… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-i-spit-no-grass-grows-ever/274956.md?page=4)