# Where is the outrage over mom 24/7 sex slave **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 22, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360 "2008-03-22T19:05:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 23
**Author:** ![Guestimate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@Guestimate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guestimate)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/441 "2008-03-24T02:01:31Z")
Do you seriously think that conversation with your children will negate the influence of what your children have LIVED? ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/442 "2008-03-24T02:02:34Z")
> [@](#): > > She consents to have sex even when she doesn’t want to have sex. That’s not rape. Just a tad oxymoronic? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/443 "2008-03-24T02:05:52Z")
Can we comment on this situation if we don’t have kids? Because I don’t, but I do vaguely remember being one. And I can say, that out of the folks I grew up around, only less than a handful of couples had any kinks to speak of. Out of those, as far as an outsider can tell, their kids turned out reasonably healthy because (as someone previously mentioned) there was a lot of care taken to explain things and to promote tolerance / understanding / respect, etc. The ‘normal’ ones (where the kinks or what-have-you are hidden or accepted) usually produced the most problematic adulthoods for their children. In my humble experience, that is. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/444 "2008-03-24T02:05:59Z")
[QUOTE=freekalette] How am I teaching them that women SHOULD be subservient to men? I’ve already said that I told them that sometimes women are the decision makers (terminology that they understand and is age-appropriate) and sometimes the men are, and sometimes it’s equal. How is that telling them what SHOULD happen? The only thing I’ve taught them that they should do is to be open and honest and respectful/nice to others. Yep, screwin’ 'em right up, I am. [/QUOTE] You nuthouse degenerate! How DARE you!? We need to take your children away from you and give them to someone who will teach them to alienate people by pulling fallacious arguments out of their asses, how to shit out their spines and marry people who will force views they find disagreeable upon _their_ children, and how to alienate even more people by telling themselves they’re amateurs and trying to do their jobs for them. OK, actually, **Dio** , this is fun. I can’t blame you for playing like this. Except for that whole “don’t be a jerk” thing, but hey, anything that gets you banned, I can get behind. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/445 "2008-03-24T02:06:09Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] But OK. For the sake of argument, I’ll go ahead and accept that it’s not relevant. In which case whether or not I have children isn’t relevant. Thanks for playing, though. [/QUOTE] I never said it wasn’t relevant. I think it’s a fair question. You said if I answered your question, you’d answer mine. Now you’re running away from it. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/446 "2008-03-24T02:06:52Z")
[QUOTE=Robin Goodfellow] Hey, I have an awesome idea. How about you leave my gender identity the fuck out of this? I realize a lot of you are really enjoying posting vapid, destructive bullshit from your flameproof, thoughtproof high-horses, but this is crossing the line for me. If things had gone differently in my life, I’d be saving up right now for a sex change and hormone therapy.\*\*\*\*\* And yeah, I’d still probably desire someone who holds me down in bed and appreciates my servitude, but – guess what? It would have all of jack shit to do with my gender and sex. If you want to pit me for not feeling the same as every other genetic 23=XY, I’ll simply lose all faith in this board as a bastion of intelligence, but at least then you’ll have your issues straight and separated. [/QUOTE] Believe me when I say that I would not and have not pitted you, and most of all not because you have confused gender issues, which I did not even know about until this post. I do sincerely apologize for misconstruing what is meant by the term “boi” used in this context. > [@](#): > > This is the main problem with any misunderstood identity: if the closed minds hear that you’re kinky, they start trying to analyze everything you are and everything you do and fitting it to that. Quick, pigeonhole, _pigeonhole!!!_ We only have tiny tidbits of information, but _we must make them fit this psychopathic identity we have created in our own minds!_ > > Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. No wonder **freekalette** hasn’t embraced this thread the same way as the one she actually, y’know, created. > > And as to whether the submissiveness she feels is caused by or is exacerbating any depression she has - I haven’t heard of or witnessed any D/s relationship lasting longer than a year when it was destructive to either party. These are just like any other relationship: they’re people growing together. I was pretty close to socially phobic before I met **A Priori Tea** , and I struggled with that and with motivating myself to manage my time. When I chose to respect her authority, I knew it would mean different things for me: she made me go meet people when every fiber of my being wanted to stay indoors; she made me keep a journal and a dayplanner so I wouldn’t forget things. > > I’d be a much worse person today if I hadn’t met her and submitted to her. Of course, I guess according to some, I should’ve just seen a counselor and gone on medication of some sort. That’s always more healthy, right? “Drugs before perversion!” There’s your rallying cry - I’ll bill you later. > > \*No, dipshits, this is not an invitation to perform armchair psychology on me. I know my gender, it’s not yours, and it’s not up for fucking debate. And, as **Diogenes** has said over and over and over again, the main concern here is with the kids who live in freekalette’s house. I think he’s correct that the discussion here is dividing along parent/non-parent lines. I personally have issues not with the sex part of it…even I am not so “vanilla” as to not understand that a little dominance and/or submission can be fun. However, what DOES concern me is that I think that freekalette is doing some kind of self-medicating with it, and I’m pretty sure that’s not healthy. This issue is of secondary concern to me, because she is an adult and can make her own decisions where her own health is concerned. But if she self-destructs and brings her kids down with her, well, that is a different thing entirely. In all sincerity, I’m glad you are working out your issues, I’m glad that you and **A Priori Tea** have a loving relationship and that she is helping you with all of this. And I really, really hope that this is the right approach to dealing with your problems. I’m not convinced it is. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/447 "2008-03-24T02:08:22Z")
[QUOTE=freekalette] How am I teaching them that women SHOULD be subservient to men? I’ve already said that I told them that sometimes women are the decision makers (terminology that they understand and is age-appropriate) and sometimes the men are, and sometimes it’s equal. How is that telling them what SHOULD happen? The only thing I’ve taught them that they should do is to be open and honest and respectful/nice to others. Yep, screwin’ 'em right up, I am. [/QUOTE] You’re letting a guy order you around in front of them. That’s modelling subservience. It’s also inappropriate and incorrect to teach them anything other than that both partners in a couple are always equal. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/448 "2008-03-24T02:09:25Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I never said it wasn’t relevant. I think it’s a fair question. You said if I answered your question, you’d answer mine. Now you’re running away from it. [/QUOTE] Are you trying to say that I’m _afraid_ to tell you whether or not I have kids? Why would I be afraid to say that? Most of the people who pay attention to my posts (which seems to be a lot of people these days) already know that I don’t have kids. I just think your entire argument has long since reached the point of being a parody of itself. Unless you’re really sitting there behind your computer frothing at the mouth, in which case…actually, that’s even funnier. Can you post a video on YouTube for us? It’ll probably be even funnier than your House episode! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/449 "2008-03-24T02:10:40Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] You nuthouse degenerate! How DARE you!? We need to take your children away from you and give them to someone who will teach them to alienate people by pulling fallacious arguments out of their asses, how to shit out their spines and marry people who will force views they find disagreeable upon _their_ children, and how to alienate even more people by telling themselves they’re amateurs and trying to do their jobs for them. OK, actually, **Dio** , this is fun. I can’t blame you for playing like this. Except for that whole “don’t be a jerk” thing, but hey, anything that gets you banned, I can get behind. [/QUOTE] If you think I’m breaking board rules, you are free to report me. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/450 "2008-03-24T02:11:33Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] You’re letting a guy order you around in front of them. That’s modelling subservience. It’s also inappropriate and incorrect to teach them anything other than that both partners in a couple are always equal. [/QUOTE] Lot’s of people do that though _normally_ because they feel there’s nothing wrong with that. Should we advocate their children be, what?, removed?? ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/451 "2008-03-24T02:13:21Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] If you think I’m breaking board rules, you are free to report me. [/QUOTE] Eh. Don’t care enough. Unlike you, I don’t froth at the mouth when I sense someone being wrong on the Internet. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/452 "2008-03-24T02:18:35Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] You’re letting a guy order you around in front of them. That’s modelling subservience. It’s also inappropriate and incorrect to teach them anything other than that both partners in a couple are always equal. [/QUOTE] Both partners _aren’t_ alway equal. In fact, on any given day, they are probably not equal. It’s how you deal with the inequality that matters. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/453 "2008-03-24T02:19:04Z")
[QUOTE=faithfool] Lot’s of people do that though _normally_ because they feel there’s nothing wrong with that. Should we advocate their children be, what?, removed?? [/QUOTE] I would at least advocate marital counselling and some kind of parenting classes. At the very least, I reserve the right to judge it as a shitty parenting choice. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/454 "2008-03-24T02:19:52Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] Eh. Don’t care enough. Unlike you, I don’t froth at the mouth when I sense someone being wrong on the Internet. [/QUOTE] Haha, best fucking laugh all day. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/455 "2008-03-24T02:20:30Z")
[QUOTE=fisha] Both partners _aren’t_ alway equal. In fact, on any given day, they are probably not equal. It’s how you deal with the inequality that matters. [/QUOTE] You still teach the kids that they have equal rights and that neither partner has to be subordinate or submissive to the other. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/456 "2008-03-24T02:21:49Z")
[QUOTE=Hostile Dialect] Eh. Don’t care enough. Unlike you, I don’t froth at the mouth when I sense someone being wrong on the Internet. [/QUOTE] My god, that’s hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/457 "2008-03-24T02:23:07Z")
[QUOTE=Guestimate] Do you seriously think that conversation with your children will negate the influence of what your children have LIVED? [/QUOTE] I LIVED in a household where patriarchy was taken for granted - as have many others here, I’m sure. My parents never even bothered to sit me down and tell me that their lifestyle did not have to be my lifestyle. They lived it as the norm, and they didn’t see anything wrong with it, so obviously they didn’t think anything needed to be discussed. Funnily enough, I grew up to be just fine. I went to grad school and studied feminist literature, for Christ’s sake. My students probably think I go into lingerie stores and burn bras on principle. I am not saying that households where patriarchy is the norm should be excused. They shouldn’t. But I would like to point out two things: 1) children ARE hugely influenced by their parents, but they are not doomed to repeat their parent’s shortcomings, and 2) a household where the parents sit down and tell their children that their own relationship is a special case and not a universal standard sounds pretty healthy to me. Plenty of my generation grew up in patriarchal households and managed to escape growing up to be raging sexists, and our parents didn’t even bother to say, “Look, Dad orders Mom around because we, as individuals, prefer this kind of relationship - but that doesn’t mean that as a rule, men should order women around. Sometimes women order men around. Sometimes nobody orders anybody around and they make decisions together.” ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/458 "2008-03-24T02:24:50Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] I would at least advocate marital counselling and some kind of parenting classes. At the very least, I reserve the right to judge it as a shitty parenting choice. [/QUOTE] And I’d defend to the end your right to judge whatever you please however you please. Unfortunately, there’s no way to bring the multitudes of parents into counseling that would require and I still think it’s unfair to assume that because one states an outward preference for such things, that makes them the anomaly to be singled out. Until we can have true equality, forcing issues out of something like this is akin to (in my opinion) banning the wearing of trench coats after Columbine. Just because it’s obvious doesn’t make it bad or wrong… just different. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/459 "2008-03-24T02:29:28Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] You still teach the kids that they have equal rights and that neither partner has to be subordinate or submissive to the other. [/QUOTE] And they are. Or did you miss where they tell the kids that the way they do things isn’t the only way to do things? Seriously, **Dio** …there are certain subjects on which you just go completely batshit crazy without even stopping to check on the facts. Anytime the words “children” and “sex” are within a paragraph of each other seems to be one of those triggers. Unfortunately, once you make that leap there’s no hauling you back in. Enjoy your sojourn in crazyland, buddy. We’ll talk when you’ve come back down. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2008, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360/460 "2008-03-24T02:32:16Z")
[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic] She said, “If I’m not in the mood for a little lovin’ tonight, tough.” “I’m not in the mood,” does not sound like consent. “Tough” does not sounmd like consent is required. That was before I read in the other thread that it’s just “tough” if she doesn’t want to have sex. It’s a tangential issue, though. If she doesn’t want people to think she’s being raped, she shouldn’t post in such a highly provocative manner. How am I supposed to be able to tell if “not in the mood” really means what it says or not? I took it at face value. [/quote] If you’re no able to tell, then you should shut up, listen to what she’s saying (Did she ever use the word “rape”? Do you think she needs you to tell her whether she was raped or not?), and if you’re in any way interested in understanding what’s in the mind of people who are into D/s (of course, you aren’t), read what they say intead of trying to tell them what it is that they should feel according to you. Besides, it’s not the first time I notice that you scream “rape” as soon as you’re faced with anything that could remotely be construed as “rape”, be it from a legal point of view (what! he’s 18 and she’s 17! She can’t consent!! Let’s this ugly rapist eat rats!!! ), on the basis of a perceived behavior (like in this thread), or on the basis of what goes in someone’s mind. I think (not sure) that I already told you that : you should wonder why you’re seeing rapists everywhere. That’s just bizarre. In any case, you’re beginning to sound like someone who thinks that helpless women needs strong and wise men (like you) to tell them what is in their best interest, and when they’re are victimized, as someone alredy wrote in a previous post. > [@](#): > > I think the first two are probably true (she’s admitted to suicidal depression and he shows a lack of respect for the feelings of her kids). It’s perfectly possible for a sub to be abused and taken advantage off by a Dom, even moreso, of course, if she has particular issues. Maybe in the case for \*\* freekalette \*\* But you would need some evidences that what’s happening. And since you’re obviously completely unable to understand the dynamics of this kind of relationship, what makes you believe that you’re in a position to tell whether it is the case or not? > [@](#): > > The main problem for me is still the inability of either partner to keep it away from the children.. Then, stick to this main problem and quit trying to tell her what she ought to think and feel. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360.md?page=22) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-is-the-outrage-over-mom-24-7-sex-slave/442360.md?page=24)