I was living in Maryland with my now ex-boyfriend Jared, and I was working evenings at The Journal newspaper as a news editor. So, I was fast asleep when Jared called from work that morning telling me that a plane hit the Twin Towers. I remember thinking, you woke me up to tell me this? Then he paused, his voice shaky, and said, “and a plane hit the Pentagon.” My heart dropped – my dad worked at the Pentagon. I tried to imagine what would happen if a plane hit that huge building and I imagined great damage, so I immediately freaked out. I told Jared to come home as fast as possible.
I started dialing from my cell phone and my home phone my mom, my dad, my brother, my aunt. All I would get is a fast busy signal. For what seemed like an eternity I dialed over and over and could not get through to anyone. I was in agony. I did not know if my dad was OK. I started wailing and sobbing. Finally my phone rang and it was my aunt Lee. She got through to my mom, who had heard from my dad – he was OK. In fact, he wasn’t even at the Pentagon at the time, he was at an off-site meeting. At that point, I was so relieved that nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about anything else, I was just so happy my dad was OK.
So at the time I was an editor at the local daily newspaper, so I had to get into work immediately, because we were going to have a whole lot of news to cover that day. As I drove over the bridge across the Potomac from Maryland into Virginia, I could see a black column of smoke rising from the Pentagon against a clear blue sky.
At work we were transfixed by the stories coming over the news wires. On the photo wire, we saw images that were so graphic that they didn’t make it into any newspapers. The ones that haunted me the most were a series of shots of people who jumped out of the towers: people free falling, some holding hands. You could see their faces, what they were wearing. It was gruesome, yet I couldn’t stop looking. Last night, my mom and I were watching that documentary by the French filmmakers who were there that day, and it was the scene in the tower lobby where the firefighters kept hearing intermittent loud crashes, which were the bodies hitting the ground. My mom asked me, would I have jumped? I said, well I think they jumped because they were facing burning to death, so yes, I think I would have jumped - anything to get away from that searing heat of burning jet fuel.
For the next few nights, I sat transfixed in front of the TV late into the night, switching from CNN, to FOX News, to MSNBC, watching the scenes of carnage. I was simply horrified, but I couldn’t stop looking.
A little over a week later, Jared and I took a week off and we drove north to visit Nantucket, then Acadia National Park in Maine. We drove right by New York, and even though it was about 10 days later, you could still see a cloud of smoke rising from Ground Zero.
It took like a month for me to realize how truly disturbed I was by the whole thing. Those 30 minutes or so that I couldn’t get through to my family, and I didn’t know if my dad was OK; those were the most horrible moments of my life. I started to become really fixated on my dad’s safety. Where was he, was he OK? I started to plan survival scenarios in my head in case there was another attack. I had survival supplies in the trunk of my car. I was constantly anxious and went into a depression. Then I started getting really bad insomnia that lasted for months.
It wasn’t only that my dad worked in the building that was attacked; there were other reasons it hit close to home. My dad and my brother often took flights from Dulles Airport to California. One of the hijacked planes took off from Dulles on its way to California. That flight could have easily had my dad or brother aboard.
Now, 5 years later, I have just moved to Arlington and my route to work takes me right past the Pentagon every day, right past the side that got hit. It is all repaired now, but you can see how the stone blocks of the repaired section are lighter in color than the old section. I often imagine what it was like for people driving to work that morning who saw the plane crash. It must have been terribly frightening, as the plane would have been so low that you would have thought the plane was going to crash on the highway.