# Where Would Jesus Park? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 5, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301 "2001-07-05T04:34:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/21 "2001-07-05T19:10:10Z")
Well, since Jesus did build my hot rod, I assume dents would be no problem. All I really have to say besides that is whamma ram a dam, my ram a lama ding dong. ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/22 "2001-07-05T19:30:16Z")
The weekend PLD and I came down to Virginia to look for an apartment (a few dopers will remember this weekend), we pulled into the parking lot of our hotel much later than expected and checked in. We went to park and the only open space anywhere near our room was blocked by a van who had parked just over the line (thus, double-parking, so technically not an open space exactly…but I digress). There was a bumpersticker on the van that read: “Jesus is my co-pilot.” PLD, who was tired, hungry and cranky by this point, saw that sticker and without a moments hesitation exclaimed, “Well Jesus doesn’t know how to f@cking park!” Cracked me up anyway… ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/23 "2001-07-05T19:39:57Z")
I think, for a switch, Jesus would park in the parkway and drive in the driveway… ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2001, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/24 "2001-07-05T23:51:17Z")
Jesus came back to my office today. I asked him where he parked. He said “Que?” or something like that in Spanish, and then I drooled. I snapped back as soon as I got a whiff of that lovely Spanish hygeine… Then his brother Pedro said something in Spanish and they left. You didn’t know Jesus had a brother, did you? And I think it was _him_ that built my hot rod. It’s not as cool as **slortar** ’s ---
**Author:** ![Wump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed655f/32.png) [@Wump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wump)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/25 "2001-07-06T00:02:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by saepiroth \* > \*\*i just saw this one. i think i would have liked the person who had it. > > “_Jesus loves you…_ > **but everyone else thinks you’re an asshole.** ” \*\* HEY!! that’s my sig!!! they copied it!! im flattered 🙂 Acctually I got it from my cousin’s wife when i was in Australia a while back. I love it. And as for the OP, Jesus would ride a bike and park it in a bike rack… ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/26 "2001-07-06T00:21:25Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by White Lightning \* > [@](#): > > _Smart Bombs or Smart Kids; > Put your $$ Where the Future Is!_ Ah yes, bumper sticker politics. Just one of the many things that have gone wrong with our political system. As if defense spending and education were mutually exclusive…I mean, what about in World War – Sorry. Your mother designed it? Huh. Neat. I disagree with the sentiment, but I do admire the effort. God I sound condescending, don’t I. For the record, I find all political bumper stickers (except advocating libraries instead of a new ballpark for an awful team) crass and of little real value. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/27 "2001-07-06T02:31:28Z")
This thread is totally out of control and I like it! I think this is probably the closest thing to a stream-of-consciousness-thread I’ve ever managed to get going here. Carry on… ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/28 "2001-07-06T02:33:34Z")
**KEEP HONKING, I’M RELOADING.** ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/29 "2001-07-06T03:04:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > **…You didn’t know Jesus had a brother, did you?..** His name is [Bob](http://pages.infinit.net/rand/infidele/humour/arrogant_worms.html). ---
**Author:** ![PlanMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/2bfe46/32.png) [@PlanMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlanMan)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/30 "2001-07-06T03:07:07Z")
Bumper Sticker I had on my piece of trash '68 Opel Kadette (redundant? sorry) in Atlanta in the early 70’s: “Get This Heap Off the Road - Vote YES for MARTA” and thanks to many people seeing it, the MARTA rail system came into being. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/31 "2001-07-06T03:10:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by screech-owl \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth \* > > **…You didn’t know Jesus had a brother, did you?..** > > His name is [Bob](http://pages.infinit.net/rand/infidele/humour/arrogant_worms.html). \*\* I’ve learned not to quote them. Most people outside of Canada haven’t ever heard of them. Actually, most people _in_ Canada have never heard of them, either. ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/32 "2001-07-06T03:14:09Z")
Well they had quite a big following in Orlando at the International Fringe Festivals (when they were still doing the Fringe). Sold out shows and a heluva long waiting list. Great shows: I miss them. ---
**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/33 "2001-07-06T03:20:41Z")
i just saw another good bumpersticker; > [@](#): > > **WWJHTB?** > _Where Would Jesus Hide The Bodies?_ ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/34 "2001-07-06T03:30:45Z")
My sig is something I saw on one of the European Undernet servers MOTD page. Thought it was pretty cute. One of my favorites is the one **zyzz’s** friend has on his bike: “Marxists get crazy laid.” There’s also a Grateful Dead sticker that I see occasionally that strikes home with me. “All that wander are not lost.” True dat. ---
**Author:** ![zyzzyva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@zyzzyva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zyzzyva)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/35 "2001-07-06T03:50:22Z")
Jesus is coming! Do you spit or swallow? God _was_ my copilot, but we crashed in the mountains and i had to eat him. Stop creating crappy jobs! ORGASM: a great way to meet people! Poverty Sucks. Jesus hates me. Keep music evil. DSL is LSD backwards. STOP FUCKING SWEARING! Teargas Sucks. Who would Jesus do? Sex with you would suck. Fuck Slogans. Some cops suck. Jesus just left. Friends don’t let friends drive. My bicycle is beautiful. Your car is a piece of shit. and, of course: Marxists get crazy laid. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/36 "2001-07-06T04:00:34Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by screech-owl \* \*\*But I’m told Jesus is a nice guy: probably not only would he not turn my car into a 2" cube, he’d fix the dent I accidently made on his Winnebago (with evenly matched paint [sorry about the word order]}, but also would turn around and heal the hole in my muffler, too. Clearly you’ve never heard the apocryphal stories about Jesus’ childhood, in which he off-handedly strikes his little playmates dead for such offenses as bumping into him and stepping in his favorite mud puddle. Then there’s the more widely accepted anecdote about him withering a fig tree because he got pissed off that it wasn’t bearing fruit (out of season) He sounds like \*just[/] the sort of capricious fellow you wouldn’t want to tempt into road rage. So I’m guessing Jesus would probably leave you, your car, and your entire family, including the dog and cat if applicable, as rapidly-cooling cinders at the bottom of a modestly-sized crater. Putting that aside for the moment, what about that popular bumper sticker that says “Warning: In Case of Rapture, This Car will Be Unmanned”? I didn’t even know cars _had_ testicles! ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/37 "2001-07-06T04:34:53Z")
There’s this sticker on a car that is permanently parked at the bottom of my street, directly in my path on my way to school. It says: “Breathe!” It’s talking to me. Just me! And it always reminds me to stop being stressed. ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/38 "2001-07-06T04:57:56Z")
Seen years ago on an extremely banged-up and abused Datsun: **"This is not an abandoned car."** And in a twist on a common one: **"Senslessly practice randomness and act kind of beautiful."** Then there’s always: **"Quantum Theory: The dreams that stuff is made of."** ---
**Author:** ![Gunslinger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gunslinger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gunslinger)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/39 "2001-07-06T05:22:26Z")
A friend had this one: “BAD COP! NO DONUT!” ---
**Author:** ![NotBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b2d939/32.png) [@NotBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotBob)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2001, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301/40 "2001-07-06T06:57:34Z")
This does not really qualify as a bumper sticker but… I have seen this really good picture of a biker riding down the road with “If you can read this the bitch has fallen off” on the back of his T shirt. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/where-would-jesus-park/71301.md?page=3)