# Wherein Piper Cub outlines our super-hero powers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 17, 2017, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851 "2017-11-17T06:01:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/1 "2017-11-17T06:01:57Z")
“So Dad,” says the Cub to me today, “I’ve been thinking about our super-hero names and powers, since we’re a team!” “And what did you come up with?” I asked, wondering where this one was going. “I think we should be the Spinner and the Shaver!” he exclaimed. "I’ll be the Spinner, and I’ll have a collection of fidget spinners, and I’ll throw them at bad guys and knock them down, like Batman with his batarangs!’ “That sounds good,” I replied. “But what do I do, as the Shaver?” “You know that shaving cream stuff you have?” “Well aware of it”, I replied.\* “You see, you’ll spread shaving cream on their legs and shave their legs!” he said gleefully. “Interesting approach,” I said. “But how does that help defeat the bad guys?” “When you shave, you don’t do a good job, and you’ll be cutting and scratching them, and they’ll be going ‘Ow! Ow! Ow!’ and then they’ll give up!” he announced triumphantly. “Interesting approach,” I agreed. “It’ll take longer than the Spinner, though. You get the glamour jobs, knocking them out with Fidget Spinners.” “That’s okay, Daddy - you’ll do a good job,” he encouraged me. N. Piper, have razor, will shave (badly). - Those of you who have followed the Cub’s adventures will of course be familiar with his prior use of shaving cream: [In Which the Piper Cub Again Turns His Mind to Home Security: Little Green-Suited Men](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=823143) ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/2 "2017-11-17T14:34:28Z")
If I can figure out how to make the red and white stripes revolve on my uniform, I can join the team as Barber Man, who gives bad haircuts to evil people and then the other super-villains make fun of them and won’t let them join the Evil Team. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/3 "2017-11-17T14:50:50Z")
I see a theme developing here. I love it when a plan comes together! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/4 "2017-11-17T15:04:37Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > “Interesting approach,” I agreed. “It’ll take longer than the Spinner, though. You get the glamour jobs, knocking them out with Fidget Spinners.” > > “That’s okay, Daddy - you’ll do a good job,” he encouraged me. Sounds like he’s the hero and you’re the sidekick in this team. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/5 "2017-11-17T15:14:16Z")
**Haberdasher Man** - makes fun of bad guy uniforms, so they are ashamed to appear in public. Battle cry - “No Capes!” **Heroine Hygienist** - makes evil guys brush after every meal, and then captures them with her Dental Floss Lasso of Truth. Her victory cry - “Now spit!” **Shoe Salesman Supreme** - gifted with the mystical power to make the boots of the unrighteous a size too small, so they can’t wait to get back to the lair and take them off. Got his powers from being bitten by a radioactive loafer. Sidekick’s name is **Slipper** , who fights for truth, comfy-ness, and justice. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/6 "2017-11-17T16:03:26Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Sounds like he’s the hero and you’re the sidekick in this team. Oh, that’s very clear! ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/7 "2017-11-17T16:04:34Z")
“Now spit!” - I like it! ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2017, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/8 "2017-11-17T16:17:37Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > If I can figure out how to make the red and white stripes revolve on my uniform, I can join the team as Barber Man, who gives bad haircuts to evil people and then the other super-villains make fun of them and won’t let them join the Evil Team. > > Regards, > Shodan And of course, your catchphrase: “Stop! In the name of Barbasol!” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2017, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/9 "2017-11-18T17:22:45Z")
\*\*Superchef \*\*, who makes big meals for villians so that they’re too full to commit crimes. This isn’t related to the fact that I just had lunch. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2017, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wherein-piper-cub-outlines-our-super-hero-powers/801851/10 "2017-11-18T17:56:34Z")
**Shodan** has quite a talent for this stuff. Bravo. Surprising the evildoers with unanticipated and hard to counter powers is always a winning strategy in comic books. Which brings us to: \*\*Shodan the Unexpected \*\*- His power to conjure strange and wondrous sorta-superheros on demand makes him the meta-est of metaheros. Here’s one of my long-time favorites. With drawings even: [http://professionalsuperhero.com/](http://professionalsuperhero.com/)