Back slowly away from the thread. If you can’t see the difference I think your own experiences are clouding your perceptions. This is the exact opposite of your situation. On top of that there are no beatings going on. He is surprising his wife with something nice, not making empty promises.
Sure it all sounds like good fun, for now.
But one day the evil of menopause will come into your lives with all of it’s curious, strange, unexpected upheaval.
In most households it announces it’s arrival with wild mood swings.
You, however, my good friend Scyllia, may be alerted to it’s onset by a bullet to the upper body.
As you’re lying in a pool of your own blood thinking, “Damn, she never reacted like that before.” I want you to remember - you were warned.
You may want to keep your eyes open. That’s all I’m saying.
This is probably the only way any of us could ever hope to put one over on Scylla. His evilness is majestic and cutting. Equisite, yet extraordinarily painful. I make to sure to read any and all OP’s by him.
(And I see someone is taking this way too seriously. Lighten the fuck up.) :rolleyes:
Sleep, hell. One of these days he’s gonna be stuck under another piece of heavy equipment (remember that?) and she’s just gonna walk away and let him freeze. “No, officer, I had the TV on loud, I didn’t hear a thing.”
Loach is dispensing sound advise. I suggest you heed said advice, aruvqan.
Cajun Man
for the SDMB
What time zone is he in? What time can we reasonably expect him to post again.
Evil, evil, Scylla. You can mess with my head any time if there is a new vehicle involved.
To keep us waiting in suspense like this is really evil.
But I supposed that’s all part of the plan.
(My husband is good at this sort of stuff as well. He can keep a straight face like no one else I’ve ever met in my life.)
Originally posted by Loach
Back slowly away from the thread. If you can’t see the difference I think your own experiences are clouding your perceptions. This is the exact opposite of your situation. On top of that there are no beatings going on. He is surprising his wife with something nice, not making empty promises.
Hm, telling her yes you have it, no you dont, yes you have, no you dont, yes you have it, no it was in an accident and you dont get it for another 6 months, lets get something different…how long was this going on? I guess you like your spouse to jerk you around emotionally. All he needed to say was it was sold out, they are trying to get another, and not yank her chain. If mrAru tried something like that on me, divorce would have followed immediately. I don’t lie to him, he doesnt lie to me. If something isnt arriving as was expected, we tell each other and work towards a common goal.
Sod off if you think this is cute behavior. Abuse is mental as well as physical.
Aru, my dear, I do think you are taking this too personally. Please remember that I’m not trying to attack you or anything. I see that your ex treated you badly, but we have absolutely no reason to believe that **Scylla’s ** wife doesn’t love him and doesn’t realize exactly what she’s married. Judging by past threads, she knows very well and is the brighter of the pair. **Scylla ** writes these threads for entertainment, his own, as well as ours, and perhaps his wife enjoys this sort of play-teasing. People are very different, you know.
With affection,
**Anaamika **
It is only now, in these my final moments that I am fully cognizant of the measure of my miscalculation. I leave these, my final words as a testament and a warning about the horror that I, in my hubris, tampering with forces beyond my understanding have unleashed. I only pray that I will be granted the time to complete the account, that the door will hold, that the barricades will stand. For…
…she is coming.
Let me tarry no longer, but harken henceforth to a recounting of the events that have led to this terrible denouement today.
I proceeded to the dealership at the appointed time, and accomplished my tasks with only minor difficulty.
The salesman was enthusiastic about my proposition for playing a joke and agreed to leave a message on the answering machine. He did a superior job, sounding weaselly and insincerely contrite as he explained that it would be until July until she got her car, and to make it up with her they would work with her and give her a free oil change… or something.
The only actual issue I had with the dealer was that I had previously been quoted a 4% financing rate, and had it confirmed to me yesterday. The actual rate was 5.9%. I suppose I could have held him to the quote. Call me a fool or a sucker but I believed the guy when he told me it was a mistake and he apologized, so I let it slide. In checking the internet later I found that this was in fact the lowest interest rate available from the manufacturer for the vehicle.
I drive the car back to my office and hide it in the lot. It is indeed snazzy.
Around 4:00, the Mrs. gets home and hears the message left by the dealer, and she calls.
“Do you know who just called?” she asks.
“Who?” I ask (notice how I’m not lying.)
"That salesman dweeb about the van. He’s like all “oh so sorry, maybe we’ll get you a van by July and maybe we’ll give you a free oil change for your trouble or something. A FREE OIL CHANGE!!! Can you beleive that?”
“Wow,” I reply. “What do you want to do.”
My wife’s voice gets as soft as a razor blade cutting into your skin and as cold as yeti piss. “I want you to call and tell Mr “My-minivan-is-so-hot-that-I’m-not-going-to-sell-it-to-you” that he can go shove his free oil change, and that I don’t even want it the car anymore if they’re going to pull this. Get the deposit back.”
“OK, honey.” I say. “I’m sorry about this. I really tried. Why don’t you keep the kids dressed and when I get home, we’ll go out and look at those Fords and Volvos”
“OK.”
EXXXXCELLLENT. Yesterday she was suspicious about the whole car trailer crashing off the cliff in the snowstorm and demolishing the new minivan before it could be delivered story.
The three hours on the internet looking at cars lent me credibility. The call from the salesman clinched. She believes. She is in despair.
I hit a snag pulling into the driveway. I forgot the daughter factor. My daughter typically positions herself in view of the window around the time I come home so she can see me coming in, meet me at the door and ask me if I brought her any presents (though I’m not in the habit of bringing presents home everyday for my daughter, she never fails to ask.)
Her eyes go wide as she sees me pulling the car in and she turns and runs to find Mommy and tell her the news.
As I’m pulling into the garage I see my wife in the window, her face completely blank in shock. I had her!
CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! I’ve been discovered. My cover is blown.
I walk in the house and my wife is sitting on the couch, reading a magazine, betraying nothing.
“So, how was your day?” She asks in a totally blase fashion.
Two can play at this game. I know she knows. I saw her in the window. She however does not know that I know that she knows.
“It was ok. Same old…”
“Really?”
“Yup.”
My daughter is watching us with a look of total disbelief on her face.
“MOMMY! Daddy got you the new car. Don’t you want to go see it!”
My wife looks at me “I knew it.” she says. “Well, I almost knew it.”
I just look at her.
“OK, you got me. I was suspicious until that phone call. How did you get him to do that?”
“He was surprisingly into it,” I reply.
“Y’know, I said to myself I was going to be really mad if you were putting me on about the accident…”
“But?”
“I’m too happy. Let’s go see it!”
And we did, and it was good.
Aru:
That you feel the way you do makes me kind of sad. My wife and I are both irredemable practical jokers.
There was the time my wife convinced all of our friends to nickname me “Chewie” for a whole week. Everybody was all “Chewie” this and “Chewie” that, and “Pass the salt, Chewie,” but nobody would tell me why.
Finally, after dinner, it was revealed to me that I was “Chewie” because I had a hairy ass like Chewbacca.
I almost fell off my chair in shame.
Such is the spice in our relationship. If you like your food bland, that’s your preference. If you personally don’t go for this kind of thing and find it funny and can give as good as you can get… then I suggest that you and I don’t date.
I see no reason for you to put me down because your tastes are different from mine. I’m sorry that your were in an abusive relationship. I’m more sorry that it seems to have colored your experience to such a degree that you are unable to see things in any other light.
I wish you the very very best.
Scylle, fantastic thread. A true, true shame you weren’t able to go through with the joke.
But I think the most amazing part of the thread was the awesome salesman you had. Sounds like a real good guy.
Who cares if you’re ashamed, Chewie?
I am SO gonna have to remember that.
You have a hairy ass?
That is so wrong. I need bleach to cleanse my mind from the image that is burned there.
Maybe your wife will wax it for you, Chewie 
I’ve had some further fun. I read the book on the navigation system and found out you can program locations and such for easy access. So, I made “home” a nearby trailer park. Put in “Mcdonalds” at the address of a nearby hog farm. Then I put Disneyworld in Florida as “Dad’s Office.”
Next, I got really evil and changed the language of the Navigation system to Spanish. So, now to give it voice commands you have to speak in Spanish and it will only give you directions in Spanish.
That is of course, if I did it right. This thing is about as complex as the Space Shuttle.
I don’t care what you did to the car. i can’t get over the Chewie thing.
Chewie! Chewie! Chewie!
:eek: :eek: :eek:
DAMN.
DAMN.
A THOUSAND TIMES, DAMN.
:smack:
Aw, man. That was still so expertly done, unforseen variables or no. Everything of which you could have been in control was in your grasp. Congratulations.
It was just like Beggar’s Canyon back home. 
This is one of those things where you come back to the computer an hour later and say to yourself “Did I really say that on a message board where it will be retrievable forever?”
Um, yeah. I seem to remember a picture of Scylla running a race, and he had the hairiest legs I’ve ever seen. I have to assume it didn’t stop below the buns!
Wonderful! A beautiful homage to Lovecraft!
I came for the Nazi groundhogs, and stayed for all the crazy people like Scylla. Weeeeee!