# Where's the line for online opposite sex relationships for committed people? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252 "2006-07-12T22:34:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2006, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/21 "2006-07-13T22:38:02Z")
What if they involve your best girlfriend? ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2006, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/22 "2006-07-13T22:52:45Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] What if they involve your best girlfriend? [/QUOTE] How is that any different? My husband is no more likely to cheat with a girl I know than he is to sleep with [hot celebrity babe.] ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2006, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/23 "2006-07-14T03:19:13Z")
::comes into thread to advise psychiatrically incarcerated heterosexuals on how & where to hook up with one anothe online:: Oh. Sorry… ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2006, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/24 "2006-07-14T05:11:12Z")
[QUOTE=Lissa] How is that any different? My husband is no more likely to cheat with a girl I know than he is to sleep with [hot celebrity babe.] [/QUOTE] But wouldn’t it bother _you_ to know that he has fantasies about someone you know, who is very close to you (and probably him, too)? I know fantasies are not reality, and he is no more likely to act on one of a close friend than a distant celebrity, but he certainly has more opportunity with a close friend. I don’t actually know what my response to that would be. I don’t believe I’ve thought of it before. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2006, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/25 "2006-07-14T05:43:15Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] But wouldn’t it bother _you_ to know that he has fantasies about someone you know, who is very close to you (and probably him, too)? I know fantasies are not reality, and he is no more likely to act on one of a close friend than a distant celebrity, but he certainly has more opportunity with a close friend. [/QUOTE] Personally, I find the idea of fantasies of known people a lot less disturbing than fantasies involving distant celebrities; they strike me as more likely to involve both respect for the person involved _and_ knowledge of how to actually deal with them, rather than just pinning a face and some mannerisms on a mental blowup doll … (I’m not, personally, wired in a way that allows for fantasising about real people without some level of granted consent, so my gut reactions are a bit askew of a lot of folks’.) ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2006, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/26 "2006-07-14T06:02:28Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] But wouldn’t it bother _you_ to know that he has fantasies about someone you know, who is very close to you (and probably him, too)? I know fantasies are not reality, and he is no more likely to act on one of a close friend than a distant celebrity, but he certainly has more opportunity with a close friend. I don’t actually know what my response to that would be. I don’t believe I’ve thought of it before. [/QUOTE] Hubby and I used to be friends with one of his co-workers. She was an absolutely gorgeous woman, confident, smart and funny. Honestly, I’d be surprised if he _didn’t_ think about her in “that way” on occasion. It’s a normal, human, male reaction. But never once did I worry that it might cross any lines, that he might act on his attraction. I trust him completely because we’re so open with one another. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252/27 "2006-07-14T14:26:58Z")
[QUOTE=Lilairen] Personally, I find the idea of fantasies of known people a lot less disturbing than fantasies involving distant celebrities; they strike me as more likely to involve both respect for the person involved _and_ knowledge of how to actually deal with them, rather than just pinning a face and some mannerisms on a mental blowup doll … (I’m not, personally, wired in a way that allows for fantasising about real people without some level of granted consent, so my gut reactions are a bit askew of a lot of folks’.) [/QUOTE] That makes sense to me - it’s sort of like fanfic. I have no problem with fanfic of fictional characters, but fanfic of real life people doesn’t seem quite right to me. I get what you’re saying, too, **Lissa**. My husband has a bit of a wandering eye, but if I was going to bust his chops every time I saw him watching a pretty girl walk by, we’d never have any time for the hot, monkey lovin’. 😃 He doesn’t stare or drool or make obscene comments or anything like that; he just notices and appreciates. What I’m trying to say to agree with what you said is that yes, men do have normal responses to other women that don’t have anything at all to do with infidelity. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-line-for-online-opposite-sex-relationships-for-committed-people/364252.md?page=1)