# Where's the motherfucking minirants you sumbitches? Seriously. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 25, 2007, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455 "2007-05-25T04:25:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/181 "2007-06-04T02:44:33Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] A hospital’s parking garage. A decent number of empty spaces in the full-size slots, but they’re apparently too far from the stairs(horrors! An extra 20 yards or so!) for [this jackass.](http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/photo/2598216550000735275WJdJfu) [/QUOTE] I think I have to give up on that fight, and also the one with people parking in the NO PARKING - FIRE LANE and in the NO STOPPING AT ANY TIME zones. Not a damned thing I can do about it except raise my own blood pressure. And if I keep telling myself that, I might start believing it some day. ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/182 "2007-06-04T02:50:55Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] A hospital’s parking garage. A decent number of empty spaces in the full-size slots, but they’re apparently too far from the stairs(horrors! An extra 20 yards or so!) for [this jackass.](http://home-and-garden.webshots.com/photo/2598216550000735275WJdJfu) [/QUOTE] Would have been even better if it was a crew cab. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/183 "2007-06-04T03:41:25Z")
> [@](#): > > **featherlou** wrote: > How about when there was obviously a major glitch while checking me out, and my total for a couple bags of groceries comes to $6,000? Can I still make a joke about, “Wow, prices have sure gone up!”? Is that ever funny, or have you heard that one a thousand times, too? I can work on some new material for that one - “I think I’m going to need to put a few things back.” How is that remotely the same thing? > [@](#): > > NO, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR WHILE CHECKING OUT. I’m not saying that in the least. I’m saying stop trotting out the same tired crap over and over and over again like it was the very first time in the history of the universe that that joke as made. Jesus Christ, people. I’m not asking for you to be robots. I’m asking you to stop making that stupid fucking joke. It’s old. It’s tired. It’s not even funny. If that is too much for you fragile egos, then too fucking bad. > [@](#): > > Understanding that cashiers, while requiring the precision of surgeons, have stress limits likened only to those of air traffic controllers, it is not advisable to distract them from the task at hand with your humor. People could die. Oh, for fuck’s sake. Have you ever worked for the public? I’m guessing probably not. Listen, fuckface, it _is_ a stressful job. Especially when I have people like you to deal with. But you know what? I put on a smile and I do my job as best as I can. I don’t show any outward sign to the customer how irritating that stupid, lame-ass joke is, because that would be wrong and I know it. But God help me if I ever vent _in a thread designed for venting_ about one idiotic, unfunny joke, or the hordes will be out in force. > [@](#): > > Well, it’s either try to make a joke or grab you and grind your face in the conveyor belt screaming, “Just key in the fucking codes, asswipe. If the previous 23 attempts to get it to scan did not cause it to ring up, what makes you think the 24th will? I’d like to get home before the expiration date of the food you have already bagged.” And once again, not even remotely the same thing. Jesus Christ in a pie-eating contest, people. Get a grip. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/184 "2007-06-04T04:03:22Z")
[QUOTE=Pixiesnix] How is that remotely the same thing? \ [/QUOTE] Wait a second - my post was meant as a joke, not a criticism of your peeve. I really do think it’s funny when my receipt comes out as some ridiculous number, and the cashier and I usually have a laugh over it, but if you’re saying that nothing customers ever say is funny because you’ve heard it all so many times, I’d like to know that. ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/185 "2007-06-04T04:08:30Z")
No, not at all, and I’m sorry I jumped the gun, I read your reply as saying that I should just keep my trap shut and not let anything get to me. I’m sitting here literally shaking with anger, especially at **DudleyGarrett** ’s comment. I just wanted to vent. Again, sorry for the misunderstanding. 90% of my customers are good ones, ones that I’m happy to serve. It’s just the others…I just wanted to vent. ---
**Author:** ![amelioration](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e9c0ed/32.png) [@amelioration](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amelioration)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/186 "2007-06-04T04:17:42Z")
Dear the asshole who flipped me off on the expressway today, after passing me in the right lane when I was driving 80 mph as it was – what the hell? Do you have a death wish?! I was being unsafe there, but you! Incomprehensible. (Thankfully I slowed down after checking my spedometer, an action inspired by your speed demon ways.) I just hope that if you crashed your car today you didn’t take anyone else out with you. But! I saw you get caught on thicker traffic in front of me and you were forced to go down to 70 mph. Ha. Should’ve enjoyed your speed while it lasted, instead of wasting your negative energy by giving me the bird. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/187 "2007-06-04T06:30:47Z")
I think **VCO3** has a point with some of the cutesy family names. A few work well (ivylad is actually pretty clever, but ivyboy and girl, too much), but most are just not good. **SnappyLongCleverUserName** might be funny, but writing a post describing the exploits of **Mrs. SnappyLongCleverUserName** and repeating the name **Mrs. SnappyLongCleverUserName** over and over and over again everytime you refer to **Mrs. SnappyLongCleverUserName** is just tiring. On that note. I skip every story where people refuse to name the participants: “So I went to the store with my friend A and we met up with B, my buddy from college, and C, my son’s soccer coach. While we were shopping, we all ran into D. Well, I don’t have to tell you, D and B haven’t gotten along since E’s wedding!..” Just make up some damn names! The alphabet soup thing just makes your post too hard to read and the story is most likely not that interesting. ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/188 "2007-06-04T10:34:38Z")
I agree with **Justin\_Bailey** on the letters thing. It is hard to read. While I’m at it, I’ll just admit that I never read rants on driving. I just find it too damned hard to visualize the situations. (That’s just me, though.) My fifth graders are making me insane. I don’t know what to do with them. I’m about to put my head on my hands and just cry. They don’t know _anything_. I’d be willing to chalk it up to my lousy teaching skills, except that my other classes seem to be progressing nicely. Today I threw them a pop quiz - I wrote seven (extremely basic) verbs on the board and asked them to translate them into Bulgarian. This is their third year of English, and they don’t know what _want, have,_ or _read_ mean. Seriously, my third graders would have kicked their buts on this quiz. To top it off, several of the students are absolutely out of control. Talking, throwing things at each other, running around the classroom…and there’s nothing I can do. There aren’t any means of discipline I can threaten them with. I’ve long ago given up on talking to their homeroom teacher about them, as he’s obviously far, far, far more fed up with them than I am and nothing I say has any difference. The textbooks are really expensive (kids in fifth grade and up have to buy their own textbooks, but the Ministry of Education is springing for books for everyone starting next year THANK GOD), so none of my Roma kids at all have books and have learned literally nothing all year. And I actually have a few good kids in this class, who would learn and behave a lot better if they weren’t constantly influenced by all the terrible behavior they see from their classmates all day. It’s so unfair to them I just want to scream. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/189 "2007-06-04T11:03:21Z")
[QUOTE=Vinyl Turnip] > [@Nava](#): > > Originally Posted by Nava > Fuck you, kiosk “lady” who was speaking in French with your friend and then forgot your French when I asked you for several tram tickets (while your friend, completely beffudled, kept asking “but why don’t you just give her the tickets? You know perfectly well she’s asking for three tram tickets! What is your problem?”). I realize my tram tickets don’t make or break your back, but they’re going to be bought elsewhere. I’m intrigued by this. Why would the woman not want to sell you tram tickets? In what country was this and what language was she expecting you to speak? [/QUOTE] German-speaking part of Switzerland, 8 tram stops from the French border. She wanted me to speak German, apparently. My French sucks, but I can come up with complete sentences; my German is “point to the poster advertising tram tickets, raise three fingers and say bitte.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 11:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/190 "2007-06-04T11:08:44Z")
[QUOTE=SmartAleq] > [@Nava](#): > > Fuck you, boss who’s refused any requests for help but who has the balones\* to tell me I should ask for help. \*bolding mine. Que? 😕 [/quote] Balón: a large ball (soccer, basket). Lines like “si ese imbécil tuviera los balones que piensa no podría andar, para mí que son canicas” (if that moron’s balls were the size he thinks he wouldn’t be able to walk, I’d rate them marble-sized) aren’t something your Grandma wants you to use during your Spanish As Second Language exam 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/191 "2007-06-04T11:35:29Z")
[QUOTE=Nava] German-speaking part of Switzerland, 8 tram stops from the French border. She wanted me to speak German, apparently. My French sucks, but I can come up with complete sentences; my German is “point to the poster advertising tram tickets, raise three fingers and say bitte.” [/QUOTE] [hijack]Wait…I thought that the part of Switzerland that bordered France spoke French, too. Now you’re going to tell me that they speak French in the part that borders Germany, right? I always _knew_ there was something off about those Swiss. Like, why do they have compulsory military service but _never use their army?_ [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/192 "2007-06-04T11:58:06Z")
[QUOTE=amelioration] Dear the asshole who flipped me off on the expressway today, after passing me in the right lane when I was driving 80 mph as it was – what the hell? Do you have a death wish?! I was being unsafe there, but you! Incomprehensible. (Thankfully I slowed down after checking my spedometer, an action inspired by your speed demon ways.) I just hope that if you crashed your car today you didn’t take anyone else out with you. But! I saw you get caught on thicker traffic in front of me and you were forced to go down to 70 mph. Ha. Should’ve enjoyed your speed while it lasted, instead of wasting your negative energy by giving me the bird. [/QUOTE] That happened to me the last time I drove across the state. I was in the fast lane, trying to get away from a pack of cars (I hate driving in the middle of packs, makes me extremely nervous) and this guy rode my ass for ten miles. I finally get to a place where I can merge right and the hemmorhoid zipped past me with the same courtesy yours did. Ten miles further down the road, a highway patrol car pulls out of its speed trap and zooms off, lights a-flashing. Guess who got pulled over? 😃 Instant Karma: just add stupid! ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/193 "2007-06-04T12:30:05Z")
[QUOTE=Kyla] [hijack]Wait…I thought that the part of Switzerland that bordered France spoke French, too. Now you’re going to tell me that they speak French in the part that borders Germany, right? I always _knew_ there was something off about those Swiss. Like, why do they have compulsory military service but _never use their army?_ [/hijack] [/QUOTE] That’s just not true. They guard the Vatican, and each pope gets to make one slightly more ridiculous uniform change than the last. So far, we’re up to [this](http://www.traditioninaction.org/History/HistImages/A_006_swiss_guards_04.jpg). (I believe the current pope is pushing to put tap clickers on their boots, but that may just be a rumour.) ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/194 "2007-06-04T12:31:40Z")
[QUOTE=Pixiesnix] Jesus Christ in a pie-eating contest, [/QUOTE] This made me giggle like a loon… my mental image of the Last Supper will never be quite the same again. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/195 "2007-06-04T14:06:44Z")
[QUOTE=Kyla] And I actually have a few good kids in this class, who would learn and behave a lot better if they weren’t constantly influenced by all the terrible behavior they see from their classmates all day. It’s so unfair to them I just want to scream. [/QUOTE] Gah. I suppose it’s out of the question to rearrange the seating chart so that the good kids are clustered right by your desk; then you could focus on them and ignore the rest of the kids? Save what you can and let Real Life eventually deal with the others? ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/196 "2007-06-04T14:41:42Z")
[QUOTE=Pixiesnix] Have you ever worked for the public? I’m guessing probably not. Listen, fuckface, it _is_ a stressful job. [/quote] I have. It isn’t. Well, it isn’t for me, because I don’t get pissed off at people who are only guilty of making a bad joke. It seems you aren’t really equipped to work with people and might want to look into a new line of work where strangers aren’t nice to you. > [@](#): > > Get a grip. Yup. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/197 "2007-06-04T18:30:05Z")
[QUOTE=ForumBot] I have. It isn’t. Well, it isn’t for me, because I don’t get pissed off at people who are only guilty of making a bad joke. It seems you aren’t really equipped to work with people and might want to look into a new line of work where strangers aren’t nice to you. \ [/QUOTE] Wait another second, **Pixie** was mini-ranting about something that bugs her because it happens day after day after day. I’m guessing she wasn’t fed up to the teeth with the first couple hundred or so people who said it. I don’t think you can infer anything about how much she likes her job or how good at it she is by the ongoing thing about it that really peeves her. And yes, working with the public is stressful. If it wasn’t for you, I am very happy for you. It is for most of the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![brownie55](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@brownie55](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brownie55)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/198 "2007-06-04T19:15:31Z")
[QUOTE=Pixiesnix] And once again, not even remotely the same thing. [/QUOTE] Not the same as what? I said it’s either make a lame joke or throttle the cashier. You would prefer the latter? ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/199 "2007-06-04T19:16:01Z")
[QUOTE=Kyla] While I’m at it, I’ll just admit that I never read rants on driving. I just find it too damned hard to visualize the situations. (That’s just me, though.) [/QUOTE] “Ok, so imagine an inverted Y lined up against a sideways V. I’m approaching in the leftmost lane, there’s a semi in the middle lane. The rightmost lane has a person on a bicycle. The inverted Y is approaching a constable’s roundabout, where there’s a light between the Y and the V. Now, what happened was…” Agree 100%. I immediately skip to the next post. ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455/200 "2007-06-04T19:20:20Z")
My friend is starting to drive me INSANE with the quasi-stalking behavior. I’ve posted about it before. I know that he doesn’t mean anything by it, but he doesn’t realize how fucking CREEEEEEEPY it gets. The other day he called and I wasn’t here, so he left a message. No big deal - he was just bored and wanted to hang out. When I got home and got the message, I didn’t feel like hanging out, so I didn’t call him back. He proceeded to call about once every 15 minutes for the rest of the evening without leaving a message. When I saw him the next day, he mentioned, “I walked by your place and saw that the lights were on, so I figured you were home!” :eek: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-the-motherfucking-minirants-you-sumbitches-seriously/405455.md?page=11)