# Where's Upham? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 20, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995 "2001-01-20T05:26:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/1 "2001-01-20T05:26:37Z")
Hey **Upham** , it’s right around the time you usually start posting, but I don’t see you, man. Come on, who’s gonna start some pointless rambling (and amusing, don’t get offended) thread in here if not you? I wouldn’t know how to go about it myself. HEY UPHAM! GET YOUR PUNK ASS OUT OF THE BARN AND LEAVE THOSE COWS ALONE! You’re needed in here. It’s not a good idea to start shirking your responsibilities. Sure, it starts out with missing a few posts here and there, but the next thing you know you’re in some grimy alley blowing CEOs for crack money. Don’t tread that path, amigo. You’re better than that. Oh, by the way: pancreas. ---
**Author:** ![Molson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Molson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Molson)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/2 "2001-01-20T05:30:27Z")
I think this upham character found some hot Lolita dolphin pixs and he ain’t sharing. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/3 "2001-01-20T05:32:32Z")
yeah… where is the little cattle molester? and Wood… I’ve been posting inncoherent semi-rambling threads for months now… Just let me get some wine and I’ll set you up. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/4 "2001-01-20T05:35:23Z")
Hey! I’ve been gone a week and knowone mentions _that_. He’s only been gone a day or two and people are up in arms? I’ve got some classics out there of my own you know. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/5 "2001-01-20T05:35:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by oldscratch \* > \*\* > > and Wood… I’ve been posting inncoherent semi-rambling threads for months now… Just let me get some wine and I’ll set you up. \*\* All right, oldie, as long as _someone_ starts rambling soon. All the coherent threads on this board are starting to make my brain hurt. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/6 "2001-01-20T05:38:35Z")
I know, I was wondering that too. Maybe those cows (heehee) got him. On that totally unrelated note, I saw cows up close the other day! I even took a picture of one! I was gonna touch it, but it sorta looked mad (mad cow!) so I decided not to risk it. Them was some biiiiiig cows. We saw elks too but they were too far away to see well. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/7 "2001-01-20T06:00:52Z")
**MAN** where the hell did all this stuff about cows come from??? Nice to know i’m being missed an all… i think (considers how much he misses the real world, women, booze… remembers the snow) Yeah it’s a good thing. Anyway, i’m crackin open a beer, so the deranged rabbleings cant be too far off now… gimme a break, you cant rush insanity ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/8 "2001-01-20T06:12:34Z")
**AMUSE US, CLOWN!** ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/9 "2001-01-20T06:29:14Z")
Fuck you! i’m withholding ALL humor 'till we clear up this “cow” thing where did it come from and why is it after me??? ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/10 "2001-01-20T06:32:41Z")
All right, I’ll be serious for a second. You mentioned in the “cows are inherently funny” thread that you were surrounded by cows. Don’t tell me you made that up. I can’t bear to think of how cold and empty your life would be without the uncomprehending stares of dozens of our bovine brethren to cheer you up. ---
**Author:** ![Upham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Upham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Upham)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/11 "2001-01-20T06:37:36Z")
DAMN! i really gotta watch what a write when i’ve been in the sauce… **FINE** so i live on a beef farm, if it wasn’t for me and people like me you could still eat at McDonalds (but very few other places) ---
**Author:** ![kristoph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@kristoph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kristoph)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/12 "2001-01-20T08:34:19Z")
surrounded by cows aaiiiieeeee??? is this some sort of strange bovine cult thing you had kicking in your murky past??? ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2001, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wheres-upham/50995/13 "2001-01-20T16:32:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kristoph \* > \*\* surrounded by cows aaiiiieeeee??? > > is this some sort of strange bovine cult thing you had kicking in your murky past??? \*\* Better watch out for Lyon’s cow conspiracy: [Cows with Guns](http://www.cowswithguns.com/Lyrics/cowch.html). [Am]He mooed we must fight, escape or we’ll die Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high [G]Bad cow pun[Am] [Am]He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy No one suspected he was packing an Uzi [G]Cows with guns[Am] [Chous]We will [F]fight for bovine [C]freedom And [E]hold our large heads [Am]high We will [F]run free with the [C]Buffalo, or [E]die Cows with [Am]guns