# Whew, my marriage is safe! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 8, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556 "2006-11-08T14:58:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/1 "2006-11-08T14:58:17Z")
We’ve had rocky times, my wife and I. We argue from time to time, and then there’s my alleged drinking problem and her alleged infidelity and that little episode at the furniture store that I won’t recount.\* But this morning, it is all sunshine and rainbows. We woke up more in love than ever. I threw out my whiskey bottles, and she called her lover and told him it was over between them. We were ready to start anew, our problems well behind us, because the voters in the state rallied around us and defended our marriage from the real enemies: the homosexual couple down the street. That’s right. We never thought about it before, but when Bob and Steve moved in, that was when things started to fall apart. Every time we saw them mowing the lawn, cleaning out the gutters, and painting the fence, tending to their property like any middle class family that loves their home, we felt our relationship erode. We’d run into them at the store, discussing which lettuce to buy, and we’d feel ourselves drift apart. I’d edge away from produce to the spirits, looking to submerge my marital problems in a fifth of JD. We’d go out on a date, happy as can be, and see Bob and Steve at another table. My wife would feel her fondness for me evaporate, and start eyeing the waiter knowingly. If those young men had carried it any further, surely our marriage would have turned to dust. Their mere presence was too much a weight on us. What if they adopted children? What if they exchanged vows? What if – gasp – the state honored their commitment? It would surely have destroyed us, and every other married couple in the state. Fortunately, the wise voters rose up and PROTECTED our marriage from the erosive influence of legal documents testifying to the long-term commitments of total strangers, and now our marriage is saved. Thank you, Tennessee!! - These are hypothetical problems, since we are a composite of Tennesee married couples. ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/2 "2006-11-08T15:16:22Z")
Onwards and upwards: ran across [this](http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_96284.asp)already being widely quoted on blogs. Fowler speaks: > [@](#): > > With such a resounding message now having been sent, as defenders of traditional families, we must be diligent to go from here and make strides to further improve the state of families in our great state. Tennessee has a high rate of divorce, one of the highest in our nation. It is time to review the impact of social experiments of the past, like no-fault divorce, especially when minor children will be affected. So you better start keeping tabs on that lover, and your wife better start getting out the minicam when you come home drunk, ‘cause the days of no-fault divorce are numbered; Davey-boy’s a-comin’ after ya! ---
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/3 "2006-11-08T15:51:01Z")
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill] We’ve had rocky times, my wife and I. We argue from time to time, and then there’s my alleged drinking problem and her alleged infidelity and that little episode at the furniture store that I won’t recount.\* But this morning, it is all sunshine and rainbows. We woke up more in love than ever. I threw out my whiskey bottles, and she called her lover and told him it was over between them. We were ready to start anew, our problems well behind us, because the voters in the state rallied around us and defended our marriage from the real enemies: the homosexual couple down the street. That’s right. We never thought about it before, but when Bob and Steve moved in, that was when things started to fall apart. Every time we saw them mowing the lawn, cleaning out the gutters, and painting the fence, tending to their property like any middle class family that loves their home, we felt our relationship erode. We’d run into them at the store, discussing which lettuce to buy, and we’d feel ourselves drift apart. I’d edge away from produce to the spirits, looking to submerge my marital problems in a fifth of JD. We’d go out on a date, happy as can be, and see Bob and Steve at another table. My wife would feel her fondness for me evaporate, and start eyeing the waiter knowingly. If those young men had carried it any further, surely our marriage would have turned to dust. Their mere presence was too much a weight on us. What if they adopted children? What if they exchanged vows? What if – gasp – the state honored their commitment? It would surely have destroyed us, and every other married couple in the state. Fortunately, the wise voters rose up and PROTECTED our marriage from the erosive influence of legal documents testifying to the long-term commitments of total strangers, and now our marriage is saved. Thank you, Tennessee!! - These are hypothetical problems, since we are a composite of Tennesee married couples. [/QUOTE] I agree… I’m very ashamed of my state right now and I don’t say that very often. Honestly, I expected the amendment to pass… really it’s not a surprise since (until apparently Arizona) every state that has had one of these amendments up for vote has passed them, including some notably liberal ones (looking at you Wisconsin). What I didn’t expect was for the ‘No’ votes to get less than 20 fucking percent of the vote. That is pathetic, absolutely pathetic. I was really looking for it to be more contested, at least on par with states like Virginia or South Carolina. Fuck it… I did my part, now I guess I have more to do to help try and change some attitudes out there. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/4 "2006-11-08T16:11:06Z")
[QUOTE=lokij] I(looking at you Wisconsin). [/QUOTE] How about California for fuck sake? I was stunned when our version of this passed a couple of years ago (though it’s still tied up in the courts.) Thankfully we have a domestic partnership law here which essentially grants all of the same rights (and responsibilities) as marriage other than calling it marriage. I guess that I can live with that. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/5 "2006-11-08T16:35:24Z")
This shit makes me queasy. Literally queasy. What the hell is wrong with people?? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/6 "2006-11-08T16:39:24Z")
[QUOTE=hajario] How about California for fuck sake? I was stunned when our version of this passed a couple of years ago (though it’s still tied up in the courts.) Thankfully we have a domestic partnership law here which essentially grants all of the same rights (and responsibilities) as marriage other than calling it marriage. I guess that I can live with that. [/QUOTE] What galls me most about Wisconsin’s amendment is that it bans both same sex marriage, and any domestic partnerships or marriage equivalents that might be proposed in the future. Talk about kicking a guy when he’s down. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/7 "2006-11-08T16:50:18Z")
[QUOTE=hajario] How about California for fuck sake? I was stunned when our version of this passed a couple of years ago (though it’s still tied up in the courts.) Thankfully we have a domestic partnership law here which essentially grants all of the same rights (and responsibilities) as marriage other than calling it marriage. I guess that I can live with that. [/QUOTE] California doesn’t have a constitutional amendment, just a voter-sponsored initiative. > [@QtM](#): > > What galls me most about Wisconsin’s amendment is that it bans both same sex marriage, and any domestic partnerships or marriage equivalents that might be proposed in the future. That’s pretty much standard with the bigotry amendments. The bigots say all they want to do is ban SSM but always include language that precludes civil unions or domestic partnerships. And then of course they lie and say that the language doesn’t do that at all. ---
**Author:** ![50million](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/9fc348/32.png) [@50million](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/50million)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/8 "2006-11-08T17:11:26Z")
I was pleasently surprised that “no ban” garnered 22% in SC. I really thought it would be closer to 90/10. That being said, it’s still a shame. We clearly have a long way to go in my beloved state; thanks to TN for keeping us off the bottom of the list! Slight hijack: Does it strike anyone else as strange that this issue was very close in South Dakota, 52%/48% (52% voting to ban gay marriage)? To me this seems at odds with the fact that the ban on all abortions was also very close, 56%/44% (56% voting against a ban). ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/9 "2006-11-08T17:12:58Z")
Count me as another one who just. doesn’t. get it. I don’t live in Tennessee, but I live damn close (about a 5 minute drive over the border), so I’m well exposed to their political issues. I really didn’t think the vote would be such a landslide. What the hell is wrong with people? This just seems like such a no-brainer to me. I guess I’m not as in touch with the “real” America as I might normally believe. Thank God. ---
**Author:** ![Turek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turek/32/18782_2.png) [@Turek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turek)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/10 "2006-11-08T17:26:53Z")
[QUOTE=Walter Windchill] That’s right. We never thought about it before, but when Bob and Steve moved in, that was when things started to fall apart. [/QUOTE] Wait! Neal and Bob broke up? What about Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald? They’re still together, right? ---
**Author:** ![Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Sophistry\_and\_Illusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sophistry_and_Illusion)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/11 "2006-11-08T17:34:42Z")
There’s far too little cursing in this thread. Sooo… I am a pretty tolerant guy. I have Christian friends, Jewish friends, Muslim friends, and in general, I get along with a lot of different kinds of people. But this has pushed me over the edge. Christians–including so-called moderate Christians–in America can suck my fucking cock. It’s not enough for you sanctimonious bastards to practice your fucking voodoo yourselves. You have to force everyone else to behave like you. I know there are decent Christians on this board who will say, “Hey, you can’t paint with such a broad brush.” But you know what? I goddamned well can. If 80% of the voters in a state vote against gay marriage, that means it’s not just the fundies who are voting for intolerance–it’s the allegedly moderate Christians whose ass I’m supposed to kiss because they are so fucking reasonable and have such a tolerant live-and-let-live attitude. Well, you can all line up to rim my hairy ass. I’ve had it with the lot of you. Fuckers. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/12 "2006-11-08T17:46:01Z")
[QUOTE=Qadgop the Mercotan] What galls me most about Wisconsin’s amendment is that it bans both same sex marriage, and any domestic partnerships or marriage equivalents that might be proposed in the future. [/QUOTE] Yeah, this one was even opposed by “conservatives” who wanted to be able to tinker with various liberalizations of partner laws, but complained that this amendment tied their hands. I’m ashamed to say I’m from Wisconsin. What a bunch of knee-jerk, intolerant bigots we have. ( **QtM:** Possibly you saw the LWV Forum in Kewaunee on this topic.) > [@Sophistry and Illusion](#): > > Well, you can all line up to rim my hairy ass. I’ve had it with the lot of you. Fuckers. Stop holding it in. Tell us how you really feel. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/13 "2006-11-08T18:06:07Z")
[QUOTE=Duck Duck Goose] Onwards and upwards: ran across [this](http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_96284.asp)already being widely quoted on blogs. Fowler speaks: So you better start keeping tabs on that lover, and your wife better start getting out the minicam when you come home drunk, ‘cause the days of no-fault divorce are numbered; Davey-boy’s a-comin’ after ya! [/QUOTE] You know, I’m **sorely** tempted to make a token donation in that fucktards name to NAMBLA (and then passing the information on to his enemies that “he’s” made a donation to those sickos) because of this. Mind you, this piece of dreck passed even though we _already_ have a law on the books prohibiting gay marriage, but I guess they were worried that while in the middle of a meth fueled, midnight hot gay sex orgy, the entire legislature would suddenly repeal that law and the entire state would awake to find that they were going to be compelled at gunpoint to pack fudge and lick box. Even worse, it took absolutely **no** time to get the damned thing on the ballot, **but** when we tried to get a lottery on the ballot, it took nearly **twenty fucking years** to do it! Along with numerous court challenges and lawsuits, even though the necessary amendment was written so that the profits from the lottery would go for _education_, and not for stupid shit. ---
**Author:** ![guppy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7feea3/32.png) [@guppy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guppy)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/14 "2006-11-08T18:22:06Z")
Count me as another Wisconsinite who is really upset. I thought, wrongly, that we would have more sense on this issue. It’s not like gay marriage is even legal in the fucking state. I was looking at the demographics and [30-44 year olds were more likely to vote for the amendment than 45-59 year olds](http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2006//pages/results/states/WI/I/01/epolls.0.html). What the fuck? I thought we were getting more tolerant as a culture not less tolerant. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/15 "2006-11-08T18:33:12Z")
[QUOTE=guppy] I was looking at the demographics and [30-44 year olds were more likely to vote for the amendment than 45-59 year olds](http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2006//pages/results/states/WI/I/01/epolls.0.html). What the fuck? I thought we were getting more tolerant as a culture not less tolerant. [/QUOTE] Nah, you can still count on the Boomers for the appearance of tolerance in this country. ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/16 "2006-11-08T18:37:27Z")
[QUOTE=Turek] Wait! Neal and Bob broke up? What about Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald? They’re still together, right? [/QUOTE] Hey, the only way to get those guys apart is with a garden hose or a broom handle! **rimshot** Thank you, I’m here all week. Try the chowder! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/17 "2006-11-08T19:14:07Z")
[QUOTE=50million] I was pleasently surprised that “no ban” garnered 22% in SC. I really thought it would be closer to 90/10. That being said, it’s still a shame. We clearly have a long way to go in my beloved state; thanks to TN for keeping us off the bottom of the list! Slight hijack: Does it strike anyone else as strange that this issue was very close in South Dakota, 52%/48% (52% voting to ban gay marriage)? To me this seems at odds with the fact that the ban on all abortions was also very close, 56%/44% (56% voting against a ban). [/QUOTE] Well, one thing you can usually count on about Bob and Max down the street is that they don’t have any abortions. 🙂 I’d like to be happy that we weren’t all the way down at the bottom of the list, but I’m too depressed about it to get up much enthusiasm. ---
**Author:** ![guesty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d78d45/32.png) [@guesty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guesty)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/18 "2006-11-08T19:23:54Z")
As a new Tennessean…Tennesseer…Tennesseemen…whatever, it was interesting to see the outcome of Prop 1 (which read "no gays will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, never marry in this here state, even if Christ himself says it’s okay), with the outcome being about 4% against and 172% for. What worries me is that they’re now out looking for the 4%. I was tempted to vote for Prop 1, but I’m waiting for the initiative to ban all marriages. No reason our gay friends should have the government preventing them from making a huge mistake while the rest of us have to fend for ourselves! Take my wife…please! Anyway, the election was colorful to say the least. We had Democrat Harold Ford, a very light skinned African-American, running again Republican Bob Corker, whose commitee sent out pamphlets that “accidentally” darkened Ford’s complexion to that of a 1950’s advertisement for Sambos restaurant. On the plus side, Tennessee allows for early voting for anyone, at any location (no precinct bullshit). I voted last week at a nearby mall. Got in line behind about 100 people and was out in like 15-20 minutes. G ---
**Author:** ![Walter\_Windchill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Walter\_Windchill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walter_Windchill)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/19 "2006-11-08T19:28:04Z")
Yeah, I voted several times over the past few days at different locations. It’s very convenient. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2006, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556/20 "2006-11-08T19:34:52Z")
[QUOTE=guesty] As a new Tennessean…Tennesseer…Tennesseemen… [/QUOTE] Huh huh huh huh … hey Beavis, he said, “seemen.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whew-my-marriage-is-safe/379556.md?page=2)