# Which assassin is baddest? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 29, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921 "2003-04-29T14:51:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/41 "2003-04-30T21:09:17Z")
Surely style counts for something, right? Mr. Croup and Mr. Vandemar from Neil Gaiman’s _Neverwhere_ have lovely style. When his professionality is confronted, Mr. Croup replies: > [@](#): > > Unprofessional? Us? Sir. Might I with due respect remind you that Mister Vandemar and myself burned down the City of Troy? We brought the Black Plague to Flanders. We have assasinated a dozen kings, five popes, half a hundred heroes and two accredited gods. Our last commission before this was the torturing to death of an entire monastery in sixteenth century Tuscany. We are _utterly_ professional. and then there’s a nice exchange: > [@](#): > > “If you cut us, do we not bleed?”, said Mr. Croup. > > Mr. Vandemar pondered this for a moment. Then he said, with perfect accuracy, “No.” Very nice. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/42 "2003-04-30T21:18:53Z")
Oh, there’s always Liege Killer the Paratwa from Christopher Hinz’ novel “Liege Killer.” Two bodies controlled by one mind and specifically bred to kill. ---
**Author:** ![Maci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@Maci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maci)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/43 "2003-04-30T22:15:21Z")
The Jackal a pussy? Maybe in some lame, alternate universe where hollywood would make a travesty of the movie by casting Bruce Willis and Richard Gere in the lead roles but that never happened, right? I vote for the Jackal. Both in book and movie you actually follow along as he prepares and stalks his target and can actually believe it. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/44 "2003-04-30T22:23:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by soulmurk \* > \*\*The thing about JC is that he’s just a Companion. He’s held more strictly to the rules of the Balance than the Champions, which is why he’s afforded more understanding of how the multiverse works. \*\* You have been misslead by the fact the companion often has a name similar to Jerry Cornelius. Jerry Cornelius is a true incarnation of the Champion (his two needle guns are the two black swords) [cite](http://www.multiverse.org/tanelorn/baron.html#champion) ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/45 "2003-04-30T22:53:03Z")
Three words: Bob The Nailer ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/46 "2003-05-01T03:48:09Z")
Val Con yos’Phelium from _Agent of Change_ and its sequels was pretty good, but then he fell in love, got soft and quit. So, I’ll have to vote for Vlad Taltos over FitzChivalry Farseer. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/47 "2003-05-01T03:56:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Three words: Bob The Nailer Do military snipers count as assassins? If so, then I’ve gotta agree. Bob the Nailer is the biggest badass of all the badasses in badass land. There can be no badder asses than Bob the Nailer. ---
**Author:** ![Tanaqui](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Tanaqui](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tanaqui)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/48 "2003-05-01T04:09:05Z")
All these votes for Vlad and no one has mentioned Mario? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/49 "2003-05-01T05:25:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tanaqui \* > \*\*All these votes for Vlad and no one has mentioned Mario? > > :dubious: \*\* He’d just jump on your head and eat mushrooms. Who could he kill? ---
**Author:** ![Ersatz\_Shmoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@Ersatz\_Shmoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ersatz_Shmoe)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/50 "2003-05-01T07:03:42Z")
Number One Killer from [_Branded to Kill_](http://us.imdb.com/Title?0061882). This guy’s so dedicated that he pees himself so he doesn’t have to get up and give his prey an opportunity to get the upper hand! That’s discipline! ---
**Author:** ![soulmurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b782af/32.png) [@soulmurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulmurk)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/51 "2003-05-01T07:20:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bippy the Beardless \* > You have been misslead by the fact the companion often has a name similar to Jerry Cornelius. Jerry Cornelius is a true incarnation of the Champion (his two needle guns are the two black swords) [cite](http://www.multiverse.org/tanelorn/baron.html#champion) Having dug around I concede that I have mistaken Jerry as a Companion. I don’t believe that he’s on Elric’s level, though a fight between the two would be bad mojo all around due to the repercussions of an incarnation of the CE being slain. I’m pretty sure JC would rather throw a party than kill anyone anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/52 "2003-05-01T15:43:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tanaqui \* > All these votes for Vlad and no one has mentioned Mario? > > :dubious: Mario assassinated an Emperor that most people would admit needed to die, and he more-or-less stumbled onto the information that enabled him to do it (or maybe Sethra let it slip deliberately–it’s hard to tell with her). I would assume that he’s quite competent, since he’s still around, but his legend was made when he was basically a punk kid who got lucky. On the whole, Vlad’s assassination of Mellar without starting a war was probably the more impressive feat. He’s taken–and fulfilled–a contract from a goddess. Then there was that little fracas with the Jenoine… ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921/53 "2003-05-01T16:25:58Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m pretty sure JC would rather throw a party than kill anyone anyway. That’s why he is so cool 😉 he can’t shoot for sh\*t (remember how long the fire fights with his brother took) but doesn’t much care, since if they need to die he can get them some other time. Though usually he’ll just end up doing something else like throwing a party as the world falls appart. Elric is often at the parties discribed as a self pittying albeno sitting in the corner, or some such. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assassin-is-baddest/171921.md?page=2)