# Which assigned books did you love/hate?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [May 6, 2001, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508 "2001-05-06T03:39:40Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 3

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**Author:** ![DigitalMuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecccb3/32.png) [@DigitalMuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalMuse)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/41 "2001-05-07T01:50:18Z")

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Disliked:

To the Lighthouse  
On the Eve  
Catch-22  
Pride and Prejudice  
Emma  
Old Man and the Sea  
Of Mice and Men  
Heart of Darkness  
and many others

Liked:  
The Stranger  
The Metamorphosis  
The Sound and the Fury  
Pale Fire  
Brave New World  
The Bell Jar  
Death of a Salesman  
The Glass Menagerie  
A Streetcar Named Desire  
The Plague  
The Trial  
and many others

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**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/42 "2001-05-07T02:01:54Z")

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In high school english, the entire class more or less rebelled against **Babbit** about a third of the way through. Hated it more with each dull leaden page.

The only other book that I can qualify with “hated” was **The Prairie** , which I had to read for a upper-level course focusing on “Frontier Lit”.

Stand-outs in the “liked” category:  
Animal Farm

most of Shakespeare (I could have done without Romeo & Juliet, but that was mostly the teacher and not the work)

Abbey’s Road (a collection of essays from Edward Abbey)

Everything else is just sort of a blur in memory.

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**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/43 "2001-05-07T02:02:27Z")

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I _hated_ **A Separate Peace**. I had to read it for _two_ different classes. It doesn’t get better with repetition.

I also hated **A Death in the Family** by James Agree.

I haven’t yet liked anything by Henry James that I’ve been assigned. **A Turn of the Screw** is the most boring and least-scary ghost story I’ve ever read. His **The Beast in the Jungle** is a novel where nothing happens. The whole _point_ of the ook is that nhing happens, so perhaps shouldn’t blame him. But it akes so damned long not to happen.

I also have to admit that I’ve hated the Jane Austen I’ve been forced to read. It was a real struggle to get through.

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**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/44 "2001-05-07T04:14:13Z")

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I am so pleased that Jeffro didn’t much care for Silas Marner. That book nearly destroyed my sophomore year in high school. Without a doubt in ranks in the top ten of mind numbingly boring, pointless, incipit works of alleged literature produced in the English language. The only way it could have been worse is for it to have been written in German or French or Latin or Sanskrit, or whatever. Then I would have had to go through the torture of translating the thing as the preparation for the horror of actually reading it.

Red Badge of Courage, on the other hand, is a marvelous piece, as is Moby Dick. I hate to think it’s a guy thing, but it may be. The more likely explanation is that both require the reader to cooperate and to accept the protagonist’s viewpoint.

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**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/45 "2001-05-07T04:26:27Z")

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Hmmmm…now I feel strangely compelled to read and enjoy both of those, just on principle… 😉

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**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/46 "2001-05-07T04:42:50Z")

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Liked/Loved:  
Til We Have Faces  
Catch-22  
The Lord of the Rings  
To Kill A Mockingbird  
Oedipus trilogy  
most of the plays read in middle school (includes Tempest, She Stoops to Conquer, Master Harold and the Boys)

Hated everything else.  
standouts among the hated books (in no particular order, but these are the ones that I hated so much, I remember hating them rather than the ones I just disliked and forgot) -  
Huckleberry Finn (which i would be more than thrilled to see disappear from required reading lists)  
Miss Lonelyhearts  
Red Badge of Courage  
Great Gatsby  
Catcher in the Rye  
Ethan Frome  
The Scarlet Letter  
the plays they ruined in high school which I have since learned to merely dislike (Julius Caesar, R&J)  
and poetry. There were weeks in which I was convinced that the only purpose of high school english was to get me to detest reading and/or writing poetry.

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**Author:** ![Protesilaus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Protesilaus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Protesilaus)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/47 "2001-05-07T05:10:45Z")

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Liked  
_Oedipius Rex_, other Greek mythology  
Dante’s _Inferno  
Macbeth  
Hamlet  
Animal Farm  
1984  
Brave New World_  
Hated  
_Scarlet Letter_ (the most worthless thing I’ve ever had to read)  
_The Stranger_

I really didn’t like the way we did _The Odyssey_ in class - it dragged on and on and on. Most of the others I had to read I’m relatively indifferent about, or I can’t remember them now.

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**Author:** ![domina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@domina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/domina)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/48 "2001-05-07T05:59:55Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> One thing that annoyed me was when I found out Lord of the Rings (J.R.R. Tolkien) used to be  
> part of the curriculum for our high school in the '70’s! Now that would have been excellent to read  
> and discuss in class!

I was assigned The Hobbit in the 6th grade and liked it a lot. When I tried to read the subsequent books, though, I found them way too slow and tedious. I didn’t actually read the trilogy until last year.

I liked most of the books I was assigned. If you think Metamorphosis was bad, though, just be glad you weren’t assigned The Castle–the novel Kafka didn’t finish. So you follow a guy on a long and incredibly boring quest that literally NEVER ENDS.

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**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/49 "2001-05-07T08:46:22Z")

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\*\*Loved \*\*  
_Portrait of the Artist as a Young man_- I love how each word fits in so perfectly, and carries so many meanings. I always saw this book kind of verbal magic square.  
_The Crucible_-I’m a little biased because I acted in it.  
_Othello, Hamlet, MacBeth and A Midsummers Night Dream_- You gotta give props to the bard.  
_Of Mice and Men_- It made me cry!  
_The Great Gatsby_- Fitzgerald captured an era.

- All Eyes were Watching God\*- The protaganist of this book was one of the best female characters I have ever seen. After years of reading novels by men and about men, I was amazed to find a book where the woman was a fully rounded human. This was one of the most beautiful books I have ever read.

\*\* Hated\*\*

- A Tale of Two Cities\*- A sinister knitter? Come on! This is the only book in high school that I never finished. Dickens’ has no place in modern society.  
_The Scarlett Letter_- Hawthorne’s point might have made sense when he wrote it…but in today’s society his musings about Puritans and their repression is hopelessly irrelevent. Plus, it is boring as hell.  
_The Odyssey_- And the rosy fingered dawn wrote a long repetative story and the son of the mother of the goat of the aunt of the uncle’s sixth cousin sailed on a long repetative journey and the ninth grader was forced to read it.  
_Farenheit 451_- A one trick pony…once you get the point about censorship there aint much left.  
_The Once and Future Kind_- This is an assignment? Is this one of those “the kids won’t read so we’ll give them something we think they’ll like” scenerios? I’m not a fourth grader any more and I don’t need fairy tales to keep me interested. Please give me something I can sink my teeth into.  
_The Sound and the Fury_- Who cares enough about the South and all their goings on to try to follow the pointlessly stream-of-consciousness writing style of this impossible to read book?  
_Lord of the Flies_-Short and stupid. I was hoping they would all kill each other.  
_Huckleberry Finn_- Let’s read a real book that adresses slavery, instead of one about a white kid that kind of vaguely adresses slavery, yet makes us feel like we covered that issue. I can think of a million more important books than this one.  
_Death of a Salesman_- If they really wanted to be good to the audience, they would start with the salesman’s death and spare us the details of his life  
_I am the Cheese_- I think the name says it all

**Loved and Hated**  
_For Whom the Bell Tolls_- I loved this book like I love a good noir film. At the same time, it harkens back to a time when men were men and women were…ninnys.  
_Dubliners_- I love Joyce, but lord, does he have to devote all his literary talent to proveing that Ireland sucks?  
_The Grapes of Wrath_- The commie in me loves the messege…but did it have to plod along for so long?

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**Author:** ![Deiket](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Deiket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deiket)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/50 "2001-05-07T13:18:55Z")

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I’m hoping to teach High School English someday, so this is actually a kind of helpful thread!  
As for my best and worst list:

Liked:  
The Crucible  
ANY and ALL Shakespeare  
Light in August (I LOVE Faulkner)  
The Great Gatsby  
The Catcher in the Rye  
The Bluest Eye  
The Awakening  
The Age of Innocence  
Doll’s House  
Frankenstein  
Anything Melville  
Anything Poe  
Anything Vonnegut  
Anything Twain  
The House of Mirth  
Could Have Done Without:  
Pride and Prejudice  
Crime and Punishment (The in-class talks were DEADLY dull. Made me hate the whole book)  
The Bible (Also because of class stuff)  
Johnny Tremain  
Time Enough for Drums  
Across Five Aprils  
Pigs in Heaven  
The Scarlet Letter  
Letters From an American Farmer

That’s all that I can remember. The rest I was rather indifferent to. But if I liked a book, I was PASSIONATE about that like and same for the dislike. When it comes to literature, I tend to have great emotional responses…

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**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/51 "2001-05-07T14:00:35Z")

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Hated : **The Scarlet Letter** and **Heart of Darkness** I see I have lots of company on these.

Nobody has mentioned these yet:  
Loved : **Le Petite Prince** and \*\* Viper’s Tangle\*\*

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**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/52 "2001-05-07T14:39:58Z")

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Since my 30-year HS reunion is a year away, I’ve pretty much forgotten the books I _didn’t_ like.

The ones I’m especially glad I ‘had’ to read were _Cannery Row_ and _Of Mice and Men_. I’ve loved Steinbeck ever since.

The funky thing about this thread, for me, is the number of ‘required’ books/stories that either hadn’t been written when I was in high school (Watership Down, The Handmaid’s Tale, Abbey’s Road, I Am the Cheese, The Chocolate War), or were still part of the current popular culture (LotR, Cuckoo’s Nest, Slaughterhouse-Five, Catch-22, Flowers for Algernon) so nobody needed to put them on reading lists.

And _Their Eyes Were Watching God_ was ‘rediscovered’ (and fortunately so, IMO), well after I got out of school.

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**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/53 "2001-05-07T15:19:41Z")

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Just wanted to add Ellison’s _Invisible Man_ to the list of books I loved…

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**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/54 "2001-05-07T16:33:22Z")

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I finished college in1984, so my memory of required reading is a bit hazy.

**Loved:**  
Madame Bovary  
ALL Shakespeare  
Women in Love  
The Great Gatsby  
Brave New World  
Things Fall Apart  
A Good Man Is Hard To Find  
The Inferno  
The Purgatorio  
To Kill A Mockingbird  
Martial’s Epigrams  
Borges’s Ficciones  
One Hundred Years of Solitude  
Moby Dick (If you skip all the whaling lore chapters, it’s a rattling good read)

**Hated:**  
The Scarlet Letter (Boring, tendentious, Puritan crap)  
The Yellow Wallpaper  
The Paradiso (Hell is a lot more interesting than Heaven)  
The Aeneid  
Don Quixote  
In Memoriam A.H.H. (Leave it to Tennyson to make a poem to his dead (presumed) lover duller than a very dull thing indeed)

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**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/55 "2001-05-07T17:29:38Z")

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Utterly loathed:  
—_A Separate Peace_: sucked monkey dick. This is not a novel. It is mental abuse inflicted on the reader. Nearly the worst book ever written. I still bear a grudge against my high school for making us read this sewage. What were they thinking?  
—_Lord of the Flies_: sucks syphilitic monkey dick. Even worse than _A Separate Peace_.

Liked:  
—Anything and everything by **Shakespeare** is first class. Can’t go wrong with the Bard. The best thing about my high school literature program was plenty of Shakespeare.  
—_The Tragickall Historie of Doctor Faustus_ by Christopher Marlowe. It combines slapstick laffs and horror. Both are somewhat cheezy but I enjoyed it just the same.  
—_Frankenstein_. It was OK.  
—_The Death of Ivan Ilych_ by Tolstoy. I seriously loved this one! It was the perfect read to please an idealistic 17-year-old, with its gentle condemnation of materialist bourgeois life. It made me determine to live my life idealistically so that I would never be in the position of old Ivan looking back on his selfish, useless existence with regret.  
—_One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich_ by Solzhenitsyn. Actually, only one paragraph in this whole novel impressed me: the image of the old prisoner who didn’t hunch over his food but sat with his back straight up to show that they hadn’t broken his spirit. That formed an indelible image; I’ve forgotten the rest of it.  
—_Huckleberry Finn_. Just a good solid tale well told.

Most of the literature I had to read was neither loved nor hated. The first Hermann Hesse I ever read was for English class: _Demian_, but I didn’t really “get it.” However, I went on to become a big fan of all of Hesse’s other books. He’s still one of my favorite authors. Thomas Hardy’s _Jude the Obscure_ was hard on me. I admit it’s damn good literature, but God it was the most depressing painful thing I ever read. Brrr.

I tended to like the poetry in English class better than the fiction they assigned: loved all the John Donne and Robert Browning.

In fact, almost all the books I really enjoyed in those years I had to find on my own, outside of English class.

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**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\
**Post date:** [May 7, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/56 "2001-05-07T21:44:24Z")

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Loved **"The Hobbit.**

Hated **“Shane.”** Pretentious piece of crap.

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**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/57 "2001-05-08T03:38:45Z")

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Much of the problem with assigned literature is that it’s being assigned to people at the wrong age. I had an English teacher in 9th grade who tried (vainly) to get us to read Chekhov and Marlowe. It just ain’t gonna work.

I also managed to avoid some books through the simple expedient of moving in the middle of high school. In college the only lit classes I took were in Japanese literature (in translation) and modern poetry, which I already knew I liked. So I have some pretty surprising gaps in my literary knowledge.

What I loved:

_Heart of Darkness_. I know I’m in the minority here, but god I loved it. I think it helped that I’d already seen Apocalypse Now so had an idea - a metaphor - of the colonial experience and the amorality it engendered.

_L’Etranger/The Stranger_. Read it in French, loved every minute.

_Antigone - Jean Anouilh_. Another french assignment. Marvelous retelling of the original.

_1984_. Chilling. I’d read this on my own - WOW.

_The Execution of Mayor Yin and Other Stories of the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution_. I mentioned this in the “Books that creeped you out” thread - and this was a doozy assigned by my 10th grade English teacher. Autobiographical stories of a woman who escaped from the PRC in 1976.

_Huckleberry Finn_. Feh and all of you who hated it - this is one of the great novels, and worth every minute of effort it took.

_Gatsby_. Double feh on you Gatsby-haters. Did you _read_ the damn thing? \<grin\>

_King Lear_, _Macbeth_ and _Henry IV, Part I_. I’m not among the all-of-Shakespeare-was-wonderful people. But these three are my favorites, given that I never read Othello and read Hamlet on my own.

_The Odyssey_, Fagles translation. One of the books I kept reading because of the moves, and I loved it every time. Was moved from the reviews to buy the Fitzgerald translation, which is even more wondrous.

_The Oedipus Cycle_. Loved the rhythm of the language.

_A Farewell to Arms_, and _The Red Badge of Courage_. Such easy books to like, really.

_All Quiet on the Western Front_ was devastating.

What I thought overrated:

_Tale of Two Cities_. A potboiler, and a pretty flimsy one at that. Maudlin.

_Farenheit 451_. Fun, but kind of obvious and preaching to the converted.

_Brave New World_. Wait, I’m supposed to be, like, shocked, right? Um, actually a lot of this sounds like a good idea, you know?

What I hated, and never read since:

_Eugenie Grandet_, Balzac. Eugh eugh eugh. The French version of Dickens, and I never made the slog.

Most romantic-period European fiction, which I found unbearably drippy, but most of all:

_Tess of the D’Ubervilles_. Goddamnit, Tess, go “hwome” already before I smack your ass so goddamn hard you’ll miscarry on the spot. (Ooops, spoiler…)

and

_Madame Bovary_. The excerpted version forced on us in French class was enough to kill my interest in the language, especially after the Eugenie Grandet disaster.

_Doctor Faustus_, by Marlowe. Sludge, indescribably boring and difficult for a 14-year-old.

_Cherry Orchard_ and _Three Sisters_. I really should give them another chance.

_Wuthering Heights_ I hated somewhat less than Tess, but still found it a terrible waste of time. I never had much sympathy for upper-class women who let themselves become trapped by their gender. It’s why I liked Austen so much better.

Stuff I hated at the time but redeemed itself on rereading:

_Emma_. I probably would’ve loved it had Clueless been made ten years earlier, but in the meantime I just found Emma irredeemably annoying. It’s now my favorite book to quote - I turned to it after reading (and loving) P & P on my own in college.

_Billy Budd_. Read this twice in H.S. and the second time grew to like it, although I found the Christ metaphors a bit overbearing. I never have managed to conquer Moby Dick, though - I get about 100 pages in and sorta peter out.

Stuff I never read, and probably should: Willa Cather (everyone read My Antonia, but I’ve heard Death Comes to the Archbishop is better), O’Neill, Faulkner, The Grapes of Wrath.

Stuff I will never read, because no one I know has ever liked it: Hawthorne, (George) Eliot.

And I didn’t even get to poetry! Well, it was pretty simple, really: if it was pre-Whitman, I hated it, it it was post-Whitman, I loved it.

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**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/58 "2001-05-08T04:04:24Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by xtnjohnson \*  
> \*\*_Doctor Faustus_, by Marlowe. Sludge, indescribably boring and difficult for a 14-year-old.  
> \*\*

Oh, it is NOT sludge! But yeah, 14 probably isn’t the right age to read Marlowe. Or Chekhov, for that matter.

But since you have good taste in Shakespeare (yay for _Henry IV_!) I suppose I can forgive your Marlowe-bashing… 😉

And thanks for reminding me of _All Quiet on the Western Front_ – another great one. It was assigned for the WWI unit in History 111, and I was depressed the entire time…

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**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/59 "2001-05-08T06:44:51Z")

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Am I the only person ever who liked A Seperate Peace? I didn’t read it for school, though, maybe that’s why.

Loved  
Love in the Time of Cholera, García Márquez  
The Handmaid’s Tale, Atwood  
Pride and Prejudice, Austen  
The Innocents Abroad, Twain  
Great Expectations, Dickens

Hated  
Of Mice and Men, Steinbeck  
One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, Kesey  
An American Tragedy, Dreiser  
The Decameron of Boccacio

Mostly I was pretty ambivalent about assigned readings. I’m tempted to add my critiques of books I was never assigned but read anyway and have been mentioned in this thread (ie, anyone who doesn’t like Catch-22 is clearly illiterate), but I think I’ll resist the urge. 🙂

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**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\
**Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-assigned-books-did-you-love-hate/64508/60 "2001-05-08T06:53:02Z")

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Oh, I forgot. I HATE Emily Dickinson! HATE with the burning passion that could only result of a month and a half\* of constant depressing poetry from an angry and lonely spinster obsessed with her own death. Emily!, I would say if I knew her, Go outside! Stop worrying about the funerals you feel in your brain! That wasn’t death that stopped for you, it was Fred Jones, asking if you needed a ride into town! They’re having a dance at the college tomorrow, why don’t you go instead of sitting around the house moping and writing poetry that unfortunate high school students will be forced to read for years to come?

\*Yes, a month and a half. My high school classes were 90 minutes long, every other day. Can you imagine 90 minutes of Emily Dickinson every other day for a month and a half? It makes me shudder uncontrollably just to think of it.

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