# Which character's life do you want? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 29, 2001, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735 "2001-08-29T16:28:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/41 "2005-06-09T02:22:11Z")
Bilbo Baggins. Or maybe Zaphod Beeblebrox. ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/42 "2005-06-09T02:23:09Z")
Well, I know that we said that reviving old threads was OK in Cafe Society, but a four-year old thread is kinda… kinda… well, sorta pushing it, don’t you think? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/43 "2005-06-09T02:35:01Z")
Yeah, but there are almost as many responses to the thread _today_ as it had the entire time it existed before. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/44 "2005-06-09T03:37:59Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Harriet Vane’s. I mean, the getting arrested for murder thing would suck, but beyond that. Ooh! Ooh! Great choice! If you get tired of being Harriet Vane, please let me give it a go. I’ve been in love with Lord Peter Wimsey ever since I was a teenager. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/45 "2005-06-09T05:24:09Z")
Flashman’s: popularity, fame, accolades, medals, knighthoods, wealth, booze, cigars, all the chicks in the world, the San Serafino Order Of Purity And Truth ,and the chance to come and roger the gorgeous Elspeth every couple of years. Of course, the constant hair-raising seceret missions in which I end up in the clutches of a demented tyrant and escape only to find myself in the midst of a pitched battle would be a little wearying, but I can always take consolation in the fact that there’ll be a seductive and deadly temptress to shag and the chance to fill my pockets with loot. And more honours, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Kozmik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8dc957/32.png) [@Kozmik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kozmik)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/46 "2005-06-09T05:26:15Z")
Homer Simpson. He was the major of New Springfield, a bodyguard to the mayor, went on tour as a freak show headliner and a baseball mascot, was a country music singer’s manager, owner of the Denver Broncos, astronaut, Grammy winner, Monorail conductor, was elected sanitation commissioner, and met former President Gerald Ford. So far, he’s lived a remarkable life. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/47 "2005-06-09T11:10:27Z")
> [@Kozmik](#): > > Homer Simpson. > > He was the major of New Springfield, a bodyguard to the mayor, went on tour as a freak show headliner and a baseball mascot, was a country music singer’s manager, owner of the Denver Broncos, astronaut, Grammy winner, Monorail conductor, was elected sanitation commissioner, and met former President Gerald Ford. > > So far, he’s lived a remarkable life. You forgot his smackdown with George Bush {Snr}, which was at least a draw, despite Bush’s CIA skills. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/48 "2005-06-09T11:51:40Z")
CSM from X-Files. Secretly in control of everything. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/49 "2005-06-09T12:00:41Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > **The Joker.** Always a smile on his face, his days filled with laughter… …and a Song on his lips! > [@](#): > > When the world is full of care > and every headline screams despair > when all is rape, starvation, war and life is vile > then there’s a certain thing I do > which I shall pass along to you > that’s always guaranteed to make me smile > I go loo-oo-oony as a light-bulb battered bug > simply loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug > Mister, life is swell > in a padded cell > it’ll chase those blues away > you can trade your gloom > for a rubber room > and injections twice a day ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/50 "2005-06-09T12:10:46Z")
Unless it is sci-fi or fantasy, the wimmen kinda get the short sheet. I’m torn between wanting to be **Miss Elizabeth Bennet** or **Stephanie Plum** ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 12:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/51 "2005-06-09T12:11:50Z")
Oh, and I definatley want to be **Helen** from the Lindsey Davis Historical Mysteries…then I’d be smart, rich, funny and I get to shag Falco. :::::swoon:::: ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/52 "2005-06-09T12:38:46Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > I’m torn between wanting to be **Miss Elizabeth Bennet** or **Stephanie Plum** Oh, decisions, decisions. Darcy or Ranger or Joe? Oh my. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/53 "2005-06-09T12:40:48Z")
> [@pinkfreud](#): > > Ooh! Ooh! Great choice! If you get tired of being Harriet Vane, please let me give it a go. I’ve been in love with Lord Peter Wimsey ever since I was a teenager. It’s a deal! I’ll switch off to one of **Shirley** ’s leavings in the off-season. ---
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/54 "2005-06-09T13:17:02Z")
I want to be the Great Will of the Macrocosm from _Excel Saga_. Dunno if I’d date Pedro, though. ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/55 "2005-06-09T13:53:08Z")
“Which fictional character’s life do you want?” - Off the top of my head, Eowyn: After a little angst, she helps to kill a major bad guy, becoming a legend. Then she gets to marry Faramir and live with him in Ithilien. Sounds good to me. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/56 "2005-06-09T14:56:05Z")
Arwen - cause she gets Aragorn. _swoon_ Or Eilonwy from The Prydain Chronicles. Captain Nemo? I wouldn’t mind being Harry Potter. 'Specially since I don’t think he’s going to die. But most of all, I’d probably want to be somebody carefree, yet full of adventure. Lots of fun stuff to do. I guess I’d probably be some kind of swashbuckler, so let’s go with Hmm. This is tougher than I thought. Lemme think about it and I’ll get back with you. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/57 "2005-06-09T15:09:20Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Oh, decisions, decisions. Darcy or Ranger or Joe? Oh my. Menage a quattro for me…It’s my fantasy… ---
**Author:** ![Thirty-Nine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f0a364/32.png) [@Thirty-Nine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thirty-Nine)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/58 "2005-06-09T15:47:42Z")
Fry from Futurama and Captain Nemo are good ones… The main character (Ash?) from the Pokémon series has a pretty sweet life. He gets to randomly leave home at a ridiculously young age, and spend his life capturing, fighting and socialising with semi-intelligent animals. Behemoth from Bulgakov’s The Master and Margarita. A vodka swilling jester who chooses to spend most of his time as a giant anthropomorphic cat? Cool… ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/59 "2005-06-09T16:01:09Z")
A Daughter of the Clayr, from _Sabriel_ and _Lirael_. I get to live in the Old Kingdom and fly Paperwings without having to face all the demented zombies and necromancers. I think I’d like to be a First Assistant Librarian. It also means I get to do bibliomancy. Elizabeth Bennet is tempting, but I’d have to put up with her Mom. That would suck. And her bloody sister, Lydia. ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2005, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735/60 "2005-06-09T16:08:28Z")
Hard choice. My first instinct is Kip from Heinlein’s “Have Space Suit, Will Travel.” He’s a whiz at math, languages, science, hell…almost everything, yet is too humble to realize it. His dad was once an incredibly powerful person in the government and after saving the world, he has many Big Players in his corner, plus he got to travel to another galaxy in the bargain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-characters-life-do-you-want/78735.md?page=4)