# Which Dickens character would you f\*\*\* in a second?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [January 14, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997 "2001-01-14T15:32:10Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2001, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/1 "2001-01-14T15:32:10Z")
Little Em’ly. Clearly a shameless wanton. Agnes for a long-term relationship, but Little Em’ly for a passionate encounter.
Esther Summerson has always had a strong appeal, though. And Mary Graham. They’re so all-fired GOOD, and they look so cute in the Phiz illustrations.
And the Young Lady in the Fur-Trimmed Boots, at the Wardleses’ in PICKWICK. Such a flirt. I’d like to catch HER over the stile.
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### Author:  [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2001, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/2 "2001-01-14T15:48:29Z")
Sydney Carton, of course. Not that he’d have me, as he’d probably be mooning over that wax doll Lucie…
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### Author:  [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/3 "2001-01-14T17:04:06Z")
The Ghost of Christmas Past. She was female, wasn’t she?
Otherwise, Bill Sykes’s wife (Nancy?). She needed some tender lovin’, such as **Five** could ably provide.
But I’m not very familiar with Dickens. Start a similar thread about Tolkien, and I’ll talk yer ear off.
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [January 14, 2001, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/4 "2001-01-14T17:32:14Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Five \*
> \*\*But I’m not very familiar with Dickens. Start a similar thread about Tolkien, and I’ll talk yer ear off. \*\*
Well, after seeing the **Which Shakespearean character would you f** \* in a second?\*\* thread, I considered starting **Which Samuel Beckett character would you f** \* in a second? **, but then I realized that they were all already f** \*ed. So I went for Big Chuck.
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### Author:  [@Lost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lost)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2001, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/5 "2001-01-15T02:59:32Z")
I’ve always been partial to Tiny Tim - but first I’d have to know a few things about him…like:
What’s his porn star/wu tang name?
Why did he chose the name Tiny Tim?
How far has he ever hobbled in a day, on 1 crutch
… on **no** crutches?
What does he think about overweight Americans?
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### Author:  [@Nacho4Sara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nacho4Sara)
#### Post date: [January 15, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/6 "2001-01-15T03:09:10Z")
I would go for Pip. He’s so lost, so confused. He’s no doubt very cute, if he attracts the cold, bitter love of a doll like Estella. And I’ve always had a weak spot for those characters (and hell, men too) who are a little lost, a little awkward, a little unsure.
Perhaps Sydney Carton too. He must be cute if he looks like Lucie’s husband (was his name Charles? I’ve forgotten), but I’d feel terribly inadequate next to Lucie, that blonde temptress she-devil. I’d always be asking myself, “Would he die for me?” Probably not.
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/7 "2001-01-16T16:55:06Z")
Only four responses? Oh, that is just SAD. I am shocked, SHOCKED to find so few Dickensians here.
Let alone so few female Dickensians whose loins are not stirred by the sonorous cadences of Alfred Jingle or the inventive sadism of Daniel Quilp.
And male Dickensians who are not beguiled by the gay laughter of Mercy Pecksniff or the stoic sufferings of Louisa Gradgrind.
I can only assume that the well-read among us were making rather merry over the holiday weekend…
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/8 "2001-01-16T17:06:42Z")
Give us a chance, Ike—I was indeed encouched in my boudoir over the long icy weekend, wrapped up in my lacy negligee and delicately coughing blood into a handkerchief.
Dickens? Pip’s layabout roommate, whatever the hell his name was. And Bill Sykes. OK, so I have a bit of Lady Chatterly in me, to leap the centuries and author references.
Shakepeare? Petruchio, no question.
How about “which Algonuin Round Table member would you . . . ?”
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### Author:  [@Fiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiver)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/9 "2001-01-16T17:13:28Z")
**Eve** :
> [@](#):
>
> Dickens? Pip’s layabout roommate, whatever the hell his name was. And Bill Sykes. OK, so I have a bit of Lady Chatterly in me, to leap the centuries and author references.
Bill Sykes?! **Eve** , are you quite recovered from your bout with the vapors? Have you forgotten that Bill Sykes was a lowlife child abuser who (and here’s the part relevant to the OP) _murdered his wife_? Surely you can find better company, even in a Thomas Hardy novel.
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### Author:  [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/10 "2001-01-16T17:36:52Z")
“Bill Sykes was a lowlife child abuser who (and here’s the part relevant to the OP) murdered his wife?”
Yeah, but could he kiss! Hubba hubba . . .
—Eve (who has dated worse)
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/11 "2001-01-16T17:41:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Eve \*
> \*\* Pip’s layabout roommate, whatever the hell his name was. \*\*
Henry Pocket?
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### Author:  [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/12 "2001-01-16T18:02:06Z")
Having just re-read “Our Mutual Friend”, I’ll have to go for Bella Wilfer, in her early, money-grubbing days. There’s just something so sexy about a woman who will do anything for money! 😉
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### Author:  [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/13 "2001-01-16T18:07:09Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine \*
> \*\*Sydney Carton, of course. Not that he’d have me, as he’d probably be mooning over that wax doll Lucie… \*\*
Ohhhh…Sydney Carton. God bless it. is there anything sexier than a bad guy who actually turns out to be the good guy? Sweet lord.
As for Shakespeare, I’d do Macbeth AND his wife.
jarbaby
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### Author:  [@Globe-trotter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Globe-trotter)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/14 "2001-01-16T18:28:59Z")
Nicholas Nickleby, I suppose. Walter from “Dombey and Son”. Perhaps a little of David Copperfield on the side as well. Sydney Carton too, even if I’m probably too lively for his taste. 😉
I’ll pass on Uriah Heep and Daniel Quilp, however.
You know, I never thought I’d actually talk about Dickensian characters I’d want to boink. Ya gotta love the SDMB.
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### Author:  [@Fretful\_Porpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fretful_Porpentine)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/15 "2001-01-16T19:47:22Z")
That’d be HERBERT Pocket, and you’re right, he wouldn’t be bad either.
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### Author:  [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/16 "2001-01-16T19:56:52Z")
Errrr, ummmm…in the England of the time of GREAT EXPECTATIONS, “Henry” was often used as a nickname for “Herbert.” I was just being familiar.
{can’t bring himself to meet **FP’s** eye}
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### Author:  [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)
#### Post date: [January 16, 2001, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/17 "2001-01-16T20:02:04Z")
Miss Havasham…
I _do_ need to get out more.
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### Author:  [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)
#### Post date: [January 17, 2001, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/18 "2001-01-17T15:26:32Z")
Madame Defarge
She’s French and can knit like nobody’s business.
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### Author:  [@Angel\_Noel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_Noel)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2013, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/19 "2013-04-23T07:34:27Z")
I honestly don’t like showering when I masturbate. I’d rather a bath. I usually lay down on my back with my legs up in the air with my vagina under the faucet. I let the warm water run on me. It is more pleasurable that way. I can’t see how you would want to stand while trying to climax, you would have to focus on balance and stuff. Id rather just let the water run on my vagina. I close my eyes and let my imagination go wild. Best orgasms ever. 😉
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### Author:  [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)
#### Post date: [April 23, 2013, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-dickens-character-would-you-f-in-a-second/49997/20 "2013-04-23T08:13:47Z")
Wow, I’ve never seen a more…erm…colourful zombie revival.
Should I report it, or let the thread take on a whole new life of its own??
Pornographic minds etc…😛
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