# Which early Christian heresy are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [July 29, 2014, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314 "2014-07-29T11:06:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/41 "2014-07-30T09:44:11Z")
> [@Knorf](#): > > Nestorianism! Also one that [kind of exists still](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_the_East). > [@](#): > > I’m one of the few people with an actual opinion about the Scandinavian symphonists. And? No, I am curious. ---
**Author:** ![UDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecae2f/32.png) [@UDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/42 "2014-07-30T09:49:48Z")
I stopped at question one, because the correct answer (“hand over everything to the bandits, because I cannot run fast enough to escape or fight hard enough to win a fight and I don’t want to be stapled”) was not offered. ---
**Author:** ![JohnGalt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johngalt/32/184_2.png) [@JohnGalt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnGalt)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/43 "2014-07-30T15:13:59Z")
Nestorian - that must be what you get when you pick random answers. ---
**Author:** ![Stringbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Stringbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stringbean)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/44 "2014-07-30T15:37:22Z")
I will burn in hell for loving the tritone. (It’s okay cause Beethoven started his 1st with one ^\_^) ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/45 "2014-07-30T20:00:31Z")
Montanist. ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/46 "2014-07-30T22:35:11Z")
I turned out to be some kind of Christian heretic but I’ve now forgotten which kind. I did, however, move on to further voyages of self-discovery on the same site and found that, viz. “What Kind of Dog Are You?”, that I am apparently a Corgi, and in the “Sea Creature” category, apparently I am a sea turtle. I find these revelations somewhat disturbing and incongruous with my self-image, to such an extent that I may have to have another martini. ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/47 "2014-07-30T23:06:23Z")
Another Pelagianism (Pelagianist?) over here. Fine by me! ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_Door](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@Bill\_Door](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_Door)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/48 "2014-07-31T00:05:09Z")
> [@Claverhouse](#): > > Sabellianism. > An excellent quiz. I have never heard of Sabellius, but I always liked _Finlandia_. The music or the vodka? Pelagianist by the way. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/49 "2014-07-31T05:51:32Z")
Montanism, which I hereby renounce. They lost me at fasting and no remarriage. I did note that he apparently had two female “associates”. Not saying anything. Just saying. I haven’t guessed on so many answers since AP Chemistry. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/50 "2014-07-31T06:27:28Z")
Meh. Disappointing. From extensive experience of playing _Medieval: Total War 2_ and having many, many generals and priests burned at the stake, I was expecting some actual questions where the answers could be taken as indications of one brand or another of heresy, not just a bunch of random nonsense. It would be amusing to have a series of theological or ethical questions that were nearly impenetrable and all had a selection of wrong answers, any one of which could see you condemned, but this? The joke went on too long. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 31, 2014, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/51 "2014-07-31T06:54:38Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > That was fairly amusing. Docetism for me too. Uh-oh, me too. Must be the red shirt. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/52 "2014-08-01T03:13:41Z")
Animist ---
**Author:** ![Hector\_St\_Clare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5ac83/32.png) [@Hector\_St\_Clare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hector_St_Clare)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/53 "2014-08-01T04:52:30Z")
> [@ddsun](#): > > Montanism, which I hereby renounce. They lost me at fasting and no remarriage. I did note that he apparently had two female “associates”. Not saying anything. Just saying. > > I haven’t guessed on so many answers since AP Chemistry. 😃 Montanism had female priests, too. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [August 1, 2014, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/54 "2014-08-01T04:59:16Z")
> [@Hector\_St\_Clare](#): > > Montanism had female priests, too. I wasn’t saying they weren’t priests. I was burned by the fact that one couldn’t re-marry but he got two honeys. :mad: In case it wasn’t clear, I am not taking this seriously. Apologies to anyone whose faith I have offended. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/55 "2014-08-04T12:33:35Z")
I did my best to take the whole thing seriously, even after it became clear it was entirely a joke. The results would be no fun, otherwise. Unfortunately, I still got Pelagianism, which I think is contradicted by the plain text of Romans 7, and don’t understand how it was ever in any way a possibility. I’d have much rather gotten one of the ones with a differing view of the Trinity, since I honestly think quibbling about its exact nature is ridiculous and unsupported Biblically. I was really hoping the ridiculous questions would lead to a valid result, which would have made it so much funnier in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2014, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/56 "2014-08-04T12:54:48Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Antinomianism. It’s a fair cop. See, if I’d have gotten this one, I’d have been really happy, because apparently I am one. I think that’s the plain meaning of Romans when taken altogether, especially in light of James. The other one I would have liked was Montanism, which I don’t completely agree with, but it does have a slight Pentecostal flavor. And if you think I’m taking this too seriously, I’ll gladly burn you at the stake for thinking Jesus is God but can choose not to be when he wants. ---
**Author:** ![notquitekarpov](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@notquitekarpov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/notquitekarpov)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/57 "2014-08-07T13:00:45Z")
Another fanatical Docetist here. \* Docetism (literally, “to seem-ism”) is the belief that Christ only seemed to be human and that his physical body was an illusion. Because he did not possess a physical body, Jesus’s death on the cross could not really have taken place, and his apparent suffering was also illusory\* Frankly, I feel that is not heretical enough to cover my issues with the nature of Christ. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/58 "2014-08-07T15:48:49Z")
> [@Mr.Duality](#): > > Montanist. I, too, and I’ve never been to Montana. How about you? ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/59 "2014-08-07T22:20:48Z")
I’m a Simonianist, the first heresy. Simon Magus reputedly duked it out with Peter himself in a royal Battle of the Wizards. (Think Vincent Price and Boris Karloff in that old Corman movie.) This is my kind of heresy! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314/60 "2014-08-07T23:02:00Z")
A third Arian here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-early-christian-heresy-are-you/694314.md?page=4)