# Which fictional detective is the most personally miserable? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 26, 2018, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301 "2018-08-26T14:46:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/41 "2018-08-26T22:22:07Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Well, there was ‘the woman’. At least in the stories (actually, story) Holmes only admired her for her cleverness. > [@](#): > > It was not that he felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler. All emotions, and that one particularly, were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind. -_A Scandal in Bohemia_ To all appearances Holmes was asexual, and happy that way. ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/42 "2018-08-26T22:29:48Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > I agree with this. Plus Monk has the advantage of living and working in San Francisco. Wallander, for instance, is Swedish, so he has that whole Scandinavian depression thing going and Sherlock Holmes was living and working in gloomy, foggy London. I agree. I think that sometimes Monk is happy with all his peculiar quirks and tics. ---
**Author:** ![Tapiotar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3be4f8/32.png) [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/43 "2018-08-26T22:48:45Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > How do you figure? Near as I can tell, he seems to genuinely like his job — and he seems genuinely fond of his wife, and of his favorite restaurant, and of his dog, and of the music he listens to, and so on; and he doesn’t seem to drink to dull the pain, but because _he just enjoys it,_ same way he just enjoys ice cream. Or reminiscing about old times. Or watching a good film. Or hearing a good joke. > > Most of the time, he just strikes me as an upbeat guy. I think that Columbo is very happy. He loves his job, he loves his car, his dog, his wife. And especially his raincoat. He’s one of the happiest of detectives. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Bill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mr.Bill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Bill)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/44 "2018-08-26T22:53:43Z")
DI Jack Lennon of Stuart Neville’s Belfast series. ---
**Author:** ![bmoak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@bmoak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bmoak)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/45 "2018-08-26T22:59:25Z")
The various Scandanavian detectives all seem to have bleak outlooks on life and the bleak lives to go with them. I would nominate Jo Nesbo’s Harry Hole (“The Snowman”, etc.) as the most miserable. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/46 "2018-08-26T23:23:10Z")
Stephen King’s Bill Hodges was pretty miserable. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/47 "2018-08-26T23:29:13Z")
> [@Tapiotar](#): > > I think that Columbo is very happy. He loves his job, he loves his car, his dog, his wife. And especially his raincoat. He’s one of the happiest of detectives. Side note: Until Mrs. Columbo got her own TV series, there was wide speculation that Columbo didn’t really have a wife. You never saw her, and it was thought that making references to a nonexistent wife was one way of making the perp let his guard down. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2018, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/48 "2018-08-26T23:30:10Z")
Scooby and the gang seemed quite happy. Especially, Shaggy. What was in those Scooby snacks anyway? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/49 "2018-08-27T00:04:49Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Side note: Until Mrs. Columbo got her own TV series, there was wide speculation that Columbo didn’t really have a wife. You never saw her, and it was thought that making references to a nonexistent wife was one way of making the perp let his guard down. But we’d see him telling other cops on the force about her at the end of an episode: _after_ getting the perp to blurt out incriminating stuff, after which said perp was never seen or heard from again. Or, in the ‘vacation’ episode, we _repeatedly_ saw a guy who works on the cruise ship flatly state that he’d seen her — including in the final scene, well after the perp had already been caught. And et cetera, and AFAICT all before the other show ever hit the air… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/50 "2018-08-27T00:16:20Z")
Don’t kill the messenger. I’m just passing along the speculation. ---
**Author:** ![blob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blob/32/489_2.png) [@blob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blob)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/51 "2018-08-27T00:21:15Z")
> [@Tapiotar](#): > > I agree. I think that sometimes Monk is happy with all his peculiar quirks and tics. I have the Monk DVD set and I’m just rewatching now. There’s one scene where he’s on a plane and this little kid plays a trick on him where the answer to a riddle is “repeat” (re-pete). When he gives the answer, the kid repeats the riddle. This goes on, over and over. Adrian knows he’s being manipulated, but his disorder compels him to keep answering. You can see on his face the turmoil of being at the mercy of his disorder and not being able to stop answering… Sometimes he seems “ok”, other times it just makes you want to cry. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/52 "2018-08-27T00:21:32Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > What about Poirot? I haven’t read any of the books but on the TV show he always seemed chipper enough. Eccentric as hell, but happy. He’s so annoying, I don’t know how anyone could stand to be around him. Buy he’s oblivious. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/53 "2018-08-27T00:25:05Z")
Two nominees: [Rust Cohle](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rust_Cohle), from True Detective Season One, never said anything except bleak aphorisms that made you want to slit your wrists. Great show, but Jesus Christ, man. [Bernie Gunther](http://www.thrillingdetective.com/gunther.html), from Phillip Kerr’s eponymous series, lived through the Third Reich by going along to get along. He never commits atrocities, indeed investigates and even stops some atrocities, but also never forgives himself for being part of the evil of Nazi Germany. His gallows humor covers up a bone-deep self-loathing. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/54 "2018-08-27T00:44:06Z")
The Punisher. Some people might wish they were Batman, Green Arrow or Spiderman. Anyone wish they were Frank Castle? That’s stretching the definition of detective a lot. But sometimes he does detective work to track down his targets. Call him a crimefighter. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/55 "2018-08-27T01:25:34Z")
Eddie Valiant wasn’t the same after his brother got crushed by that piano. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/56 "2018-08-27T14:11:47Z")
Andrew Vachss’s [Burke](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burke_(series)) had a miserable life and is not a happy person. ---
**Author:** ![Hapax\_Legomenon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8c91f0/32.png) [@Hapax\_Legomenon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hapax_Legomenon)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/57 "2018-08-27T14:47:35Z")
Xavier March in the Rober Harris novel “Fatherland” had some pretty awful stuff happen to him. He seemed contented with his moral victory, though. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/58 "2018-08-27T14:55:34Z")
Alec Hardy on _Broadchurch_ spends the first two seasons in growing misery. I haven’t seen the third season. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/59 "2018-08-27T17:05:00Z")
> [@Tapiotar](#): > > I think that Columbo is very happy. He loves his job, he loves his car, his dog, his wife. And especially his raincoat. He’s one of the happiest of detectives. Plus, on more than one occasion he’s been seen whistling his own theme music! Most of us don’t even have theme music. > [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > Side note: Until Mrs. Columbo got her own TV series, there was wide speculation that Columbo didn’t really have a wife. You never saw her, and it was thought that making references to a nonexistent wife was one way of making the perp let his guard down. Nitpick - she [wasn’t his wife](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs._Columbo#Retooling) at the end of the very brief 13 episode run. For detectives who are personally miserable, I’ll nominate Jeff Goldblum’s _Raines_. Raines saw dead people, but even he knew they were hallucinations. He feared the fact that he had them, feared anyone ever finding out (which would end his career as a detective) and feared he was actually going insane. The show only lasted 9 episodes, and I was worried that the only path for him was that he’d eat his gun. ---
**Author:** ![Rough\_Draft](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/76d3ee/32.png) [@Rough\_Draft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rough_Draft)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2018, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301/60 "2018-08-27T19:18:51Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > No mention yet of Harry Bosch? Harry Bosch is such a miserable asshole that he succeeded in making me quit the whole series after about 5 novels. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-fictional-detective-is-the-most-personally-miserable/820301.md?page=4)