I generally take issue with the framing here. I think it’s entirely probable that the average* conservative in a liberal area will get more shit than the average* liberal in a conservative area. But… here’s the thing. There’s a reason for that. The current republican party is… well, crazy. Think about the kind of political opinions each party could hold that could lead to someone disowning someone else. With the democrats, there’s… what, abortion? For the republicans, there’s anti-gay discrimination, transphobic discrimination, rampant racism, separating families and throwing children in cages, denying and exacerbating global warming (an ongoing catastrophe), and… I’m just gonna go ahead and say basically anything involving the Trump administration. He just fired his DHS secretary for not being extreme enough for him because she wouldn’t follow his orders when it broke the law, and she was extreme enough to separate families and throw children in cages!
The average republican is forced to deny or excuse atrocities on a daily basis, and having a conversation with them about those atrocities is made almost impossible by the toxic miasma of propaganda and lies that the right-wing media pushes. There is no analogue on the left to any of this.
How would you expect this social dynamic to play out? Say what you will about Obama, but he never pulled a “both sides” on neo-nazis. The Obama O symbol is not an international signal of white supremacy and far-right extremism - the MAGA hat is.
Why would my conservative grandmother want to exclude me from her social circle? I haven’t done anything wrong or evil. But I want her gone from my social circle, because she voted for a president who wants to disenfranchise, delegitimize, and discriminate against me and a great many of my friends.
That’s what’s missing from this dynamic.
And of course, this only applies to things like social violence and shunning. There’s a fair number of liberals who will give you shit over wearing a MAGA hat. Maybe the more extreme ones will try to take it off your head. Y’know what they don’t usually do? Shoot up a predominately white church. Almost all domestic terrorism in 2018 was from far-right groups. If all you care about is “who’s meaner to their neighbors”, you miss this context as well - the other thing that’s happening on the far right is a pipeline of radicalization that pushes individuals within the movement further and further right, towards extremism, violence, and hatred, one that we ignore at our peril. That also seems relevant to this question.
But to come back to what I said at first… I think it’s entirely probable that the average* conservative in a liberal area will get more shit than the average* liberal in a conservative area. Let’s unpack that asterisk, shall we?
*Straight, white, christian, cisgendered.
This dynamic definitely doesn’t apply to LGBT people. This dynamic is drastically reduced and likely to change when dealing with atheists, muslims, or other religious minorities. This dynamic can get really nasty when dealing with non-white people, particularly muslim refugees.
I hope by now we’re all quite aware of the horror stories of people who aren’t like what we envision as the “typical American” living in conservative areas; if not, you should consider reading up on the Anoka-Hennepin school district, or looking into what happens when atheists stand up for their first amendment rights in conservative areas, or the discrimination and violence faced by muslims in conservative communities.
And yes, this is part of the same dynamic! Conservatives often place a high premium on politeness… towards their community. The thing is, if you don’t conform to what they expect - if you’re not white, if you’re gendernonconforming, if you’re a muslim… You’re not part of the community. You’re not welcome in the community. We see this time and time again. We saw it literally tear a community apart in Anoka-Hennepin. Compared to what happened there, getting the cold shoulder from someone who (justifiably) sees your MAGA hat as you supporting international white supremacist movements is nothing.