# Which is worse.. slut shaming or prude shaming? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868 "2013-01-31T02:45:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/1 "2013-01-31T02:45:13Z")
\*\*Slut shaming: \*\*Slut shaming (also hyphenated, as slut-shaming) is defined as the act of making someone, usually a woman[citation needed], feel guilty or inferior, for engaging in certain sexual behaviors that violate traditional gender expectations. These include, depending on culture, having a large number of sex partners, having sexual relations outside marriage, having casual sexual relations, or acting or dressing in a way that is deemed excessively sexual. This is often done by name calling (often using the word “slut” itself) as well as covert shaming. \*\*Prude shaming: \*\*Essentially the opposite of slut shaming… making someone who chooses not to have sex OR chooses not to be promiscuous, feel like there is something wrong with that. For instance, when I tell people that I will react in a hostile or even violent fashion if a guy touches me without permission in an inappropriate way or makes inappropriate gestures, I am ridiculed for it and told to “stop being a prude” or “Oh, you really want it, stop denying it”. Which is worse? Have you experienced either? ---
**Author:** ![Silophant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@Silophant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silophant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/2 "2013-01-31T02:50:31Z")
Both are bad, but prude shaming is worse. Ignoring all the societal mores, “slutty” behavior can (not will) have physical consequences. “Prudish” behavior, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/3 "2013-01-31T02:58:11Z")
Unwanted sexual touching is assault, not prude shaming. Slut shaming is worse than prude shaming that is not sexual assault. ---
**Author:** ![Recusant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Recusant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Recusant)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/4 "2013-01-31T03:15:28Z")
Like Blackberry said, touching is one thing; that’s against the law. But if it’s just words? Hell, it may sound harsh, but if you’re vulnerable enough that a few words and a nasty glare are going to dissuade you from your course of sexual activity, you’re probably not mature enough to be having it. ---
**Author:** ![stui\_magpie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stui_magpie/32/11010_2.png) [@stui\_magpie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stui_magpie)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/5 "2013-01-31T03:18:29Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Unwanted sexual touching is assault, not prude shaming. > > Slut shaming is worse than prude shaming that is not sexual assault. Agreed. particularly based on that definition above, making someone feel inferior worse than making someone think there may be something wrong with their behaviour. Also, “slut shaming” as described in the OP is far more likely to lead to sexual assault than prude shaming. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/6 "2013-01-31T03:19:38Z")
Yeah that definition of “prude shaming” actually sounds lot more like “rape apologists”. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/7 "2013-01-31T03:31:40Z")
Having thought a little more about it, I’d say slut shaming is worse. Nobody claims that rape wasn’t rape because the victim was a prude. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/8 "2013-01-31T03:32:27Z")
I’d say both are about as bad, however… > [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Yeah that definition of “prude shaming” actually sounds lot more like “rape apologists”. This. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/9 "2013-01-31T03:38:04Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > Having thought a little more about it, I’d say slut shaming is worse. Nobody claims that rape wasn’t rape because the victim was a prude. No, but people _will_ say “He’s apparently not having sex with women…therefore he’s gay/a wimp…therefore, we should insult him/beat him up/kill him”. Or in the version the OP seems to be speaking of, use it as an excuse for raping a woman. I would say though that as a practical matter the actual effects of “slut shaming” are worse because it’s much more common. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/10 "2013-01-31T15:20:36Z")
> [@Silophant](#): > > Both are bad, but prude shaming is worse. Ignoring all the societal mores, “slutty” behavior can (not will) have physical consequences. “Prudish” behavior, not so much. Not to mention the potential social consequences of slutty behaviour. FWIW …I think the “for instance” in the prude shaming definition is throwing the discussion off track. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/11 "2013-01-31T16:01:27Z")
I started getting “prude shamed” when I was 12. _Twelve._ As in, my (so-called) friend gave me no end of grief for still being a virgin when she wasn’t. Again, _twelve._ Started up again when I was about 16 and another friend (I’d moved to a different city by then) lost her virginity and began giving me grief about still having mine. Not just her either, many other people - mostly guys - making fun of me for still being a virgin at 16. The only - and I mean ONLY - reason why I lost it at 16 was to shut everybody the hell up. So I’d say, from experience, that “prude shaming” - while not as prevalent as “slut shaming” - still sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/12 "2013-01-31T16:30:32Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > \*\*Slut shaming: > \*\*Slut shaming (also hyphenated, as slut-shaming) is defined as the act of making someone, usually a woman[citation needed], feel guilty or inferior, for engaging in certain sexual behaviors that violate traditional gender expectations. These include, depending on culture, having a large number of sex partners, having sexual relations outside marriage, having casual sexual relations, or acting or dressing in a way that is deemed excessively sexual. This is often done by name calling (often using the word “slut” itself) as well as covert shaming. Serious question I’ve had for a while and this is as good a place to put it as any. There’s a personality quirk that some people of both genders (and I truly mean that it’s about equal IME) have that is along the lines of “have I mentioned that I have a body/genitalia today!?” Where almost every conversation they start or post they make is somehow related to how hot something would look on them/drawing attention to their body parts/sexual joke 😉 😉 ;)/making excuses to show off their tattoos or scars etc. I’d never actually say something to anyone about it, but is finding this somewhat obnoxious technically slut shaming, or am I right in finding it somewhat narcissistic? I’m not talking about doing it occasionally, which is healthy and fine, I’m talking about it literally dominating 80-90% of the things they say. I really feel worried that I’m a slut shamer and I make an effort not to, but every time I’m with one of these people I can’t help but think “Yes! You ARE a person with a body and sexual desires! Good for you! Now can we talk about something other than how much you like sex?” (Again, I never say anything about it though. I don’t feel it’s my place and I feel like I’d become the obnoxious one by calling them on it) ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/13 "2013-01-31T16:53:15Z")
Jragon, no. That is nothing to do with slut shaming. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/14 "2013-01-31T16:54:38Z")
That’s a tough call. I guess I’d have to say they’re equally bad. > [@Silophant](#): > > Both are bad, but prude shaming is worse. Ignoring all the societal mores, “slutty” behavior can (not will) have physical consequences. “Prudish” behavior, not so much. But that doesn’t make slut shaming more justifiable. If we’re concerned about preventing negative physical consequences, then we should be educating people about the safest ways to act on their desires, not making them feel _ashamed_ for having or acting on those desires. > [@What\_the](#): > > Not to mention the potential social consequences of slutty behaviour. The “potential social consequences of slutty behaviour” _are_, by definition, slut shaming. That’s the point: there shouldn’t _be_ any negative social consequences for having and acting on normal and healthy desires. Nor should there be any for not having, or choosing not to act on, said desires. > [@Jragon](#): > > I really feel worried that I’m a slut shamer and I make an effort not to, but every time I’m with one of these people I can’t help but think “Yes! You ARE a person with a body and sexual desires! Good for you! Now can we talk about something other than how much you like sex?” (Again, I never say anything about it though. I don’t feel it’s my place and I feel like I’d become the obnoxious one by calling them on it) To me, that’s totally about narcissism as you say, or perhaps just being a really boring, one-faceted person. I’m guessing you would be just as annoyed if all they ever talked about was their cats, or their WoW raids. There’s nothing slut-shaming or not sex-positive about not wanting it to be the sole topic of conversation. And in fact, I knew a guy like this, and because I was a close friend, I finally did say, “Cool story, bro. Now can we talk about something other than how much you like sex?” To his credit, he did make an effort. It was still about 50% of his conversation, but that was… tolerable. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/15 "2013-01-31T17:05:13Z")
> [@ladyfoxfyre](#): > > Yeah that definition of “prude shaming” actually sounds lot more like “rape apologists”. Let’s see… -X seems a prude, so X could benefit from getting laid vs. -X seems a prude, so X needs to be forcibly sexually violated The first is a bit of brash, ill-considered, personal judgement. The last is highly immoral, to say nothing of illegal. I don’t see how the former is anywhere near the same category as the latter and therefore in the category of “rape apologists”. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/16 "2013-01-31T17:12:18Z")
Slut shaming is worse. Sluts should be encouraged to be slutty. ---
**Author:** ![Raging\_Bull](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@Raging\_Bull](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raging_Bull)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/17 "2013-01-31T17:15:00Z")
Both only sad people label others instead of worrying about their own lives ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/18 "2013-01-31T18:13:41Z")
I always perceived slut shaming as “She’s having more fun than I am, goddammit!” ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/19 "2013-01-31T19:07:26Z")
Prude shaming isn’t a thing. At least, not in the sense that slut shaming is. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/20 "2013-01-31T23:44:01Z")
I see it as two sides of the same coin. You see it as, “she’s a frigid bitch, she won’t sleep won’t even sleep with anyone, thinks she’s too good for me.” But then they’ll also look at someone else and say, “What a slut, she’ll do any guy, any time.” A girl who says no, she’s a prude, a girl says yes, she’s a slut. Does that make sense? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868.md?page=2)