# Which is worse.. slut shaming or prude shaming? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2013, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868 "2013-01-31T02:45:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/21 "2013-02-01T00:21:41Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > Let’s see… > > -X seems a prude, so X could benefit from getting laid > > vs. > > -X seems a prude, so X needs to be forcibly sexually violated > > The first is a bit of brash, ill-considered, personal judgement. > > The last is highly immoral, to say nothing of illegal. > I don’t see how the former is anywhere near the same category as the latter and therefore in the category of “rape apologists”. To quote the OP: > [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > For instance, when I tell people that I will react in a hostile or even violent fashion if a guy touches me without permission in an inappropriate way or makes inappropriate gestures, I am ridiculed for it and told to “stop being a prude” or “Oh, you really want it, stop denying it”. That’s what the OP was calling “prude shaming”, and it certainly does sound like a rape apologist to shame a woman who states she’ll defend herself. Assuming we aren’t talking about some hypothetical hypersensitive paranoid type who interprets “Hi” and a wave as an “inappropriate gesture” at least. > [@Guinastasia](#): > > I see it as two sides of the same coin. You see it as, “she’s a frigid bitch, she won’t sleep won’t even sleep with anyone, thinks she’s too good for me.” But then they’ll also look at someone else and say, “What a slut, she’ll do any guy, any time.” > > A girl who says no, she’s a prude, a girl says yes, she’s a slut. Does that make sense? Sure. It sounds like the kind of thing you’d see from some old fashioned misogynist who calls women “temptresses who lead men into sin”; who has sex with any woman he can, thinks it’s a sin and blames _them_ for it. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/22 "2013-02-01T00:52:51Z")
> [@the\_apples\_fell](#): > > Which is worse? Have you experienced either? Worse in what sense; more common, more damaging, or more morally indefensible? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/23 "2013-02-01T01:21:06Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I see it as two sides of the same coin. You see it as, “she’s a frigid bitch, she won’t sleep won’t even sleep with anyone, thinks she’s too good for me.” But then they’ll also look at someone else and say, “What a slut, she’ll do any guy, any time.” > > A girl who says no, she’s a prude, a girl says yes, she’s a slut. Does that make sense? Yeah, I also feel they’re basically the same thing from different directions. Both are shaming a woman for her sexual choices, and both could be used as “justifications” for sexual assault. If the woman’s a slut then she must have wanted it since she’s such a slut, and if she’s a prude then _also_ must have wanted it but was just too much of a prude to admit it. ---
**Author:** ![Jungian\_Camisole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@Jungian\_Camisole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jungian_Camisole)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/24 "2013-02-01T01:26:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > A girl who says no, she’s a prude, a girl says yes, she’s a slut. Does that make sense? No, it doesn’t. At all. I will never understand the obsession with what women do with their ladyberries. Wanna have sex with 20 guys a day? Knock yourself out. Wanna wait until you’re married and have sex with one guy for the rest of your life? Woohoo! More power to you. Do what (legally) suits you, and try to pay no attention to the weirdos. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/25 "2013-02-01T14:44:06Z")
They’re exactly the same thing at heart. They both boil down to ‘That woman doesn’t get to decide what she should and shouldn’t do with her body; I get to decide for her.’ ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/26 "2013-02-01T14:59:10Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > ‘That woman doesn’t get to decide what she should and shouldn’t do with her body; I get to decide for her.’ Yep. This right here. To me, if it is informed and honestly consensual, it’s fine. If not, not. No other moral issues or shame should be involved. I think they’re equally bad, but I do think slut-shaming is more prevalent if we are talking about women, as I presume we are. ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/27 "2013-02-01T15:03:12Z")
As for having experienced it. No one has directly called me anything, but I do hear what guys say about other women behind those women’s backs. As a woman who likes her fun, I do sometimes feel aware of being thought a slut, or “cheap” or whatever, but when I catch myself, I snap the the hell out of it. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/28 "2013-02-02T00:55:22Z")
Women call other women sluts all the time too. Really wish they’d realize wtf they’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![jack\_tardiff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@jack\_tardiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_tardiff)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/29 "2013-02-02T03:53:06Z")
Wow. A lot of feelings on this. Neither is particularly bad. Here’s the news: making fun of people is fun, and being made fun of is not all that great. What’s the big deal about the topic of mockery? Rape-culture? Ha. Someone’s feelings might get hurt? Well, duh. I can think of worse things to be “shamed” about – personal, detailed, psychological things that can really hurt someone. An ex-girlfriend and I were great at that. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/30 "2013-02-02T04:03:33Z")
> [@Jungian\_Camisole](#): > > No, it doesn’t. At all. I will never understand the obsession with what women do with their ladyberries. Wanna have sex with 20 guys a day? Knock yourself out. Wanna wait until you’re married and have sex with one guy for the rest of your life? Woohoo! More power to you. > > Do what (legally) suits you, and try to pay no attention to the weirdos. Sadly, society doesn’t treat it that way, and it can have an impact on one’s psyche. ---
**Author:** ![What\_the](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f4b2a3/32.png) [@What\_the](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_the)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/31 "2013-02-03T17:03:54Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > The “potential social consequences of slutty behaviour” _are_, by definition, slut shaming. That’s the point: there shouldn’t _be_ any negative social consequences for having and acting on normal and healthy desires. The term I should have used is “societal” and I was referring to the greater potential to have offspring that others will have to take care of. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/32 "2013-02-03T17:23:16Z")
> [@jack\_tardiff](#): > > Wow. A lot of feelings on this. Neither is particularly bad. Here’s the news: making fun of people is fun, and being made fun of is not all that great. > > What’s the big deal about the topic of mockery? Rape-culture? Ha. Someone’s feelings might get hurt? Well, duh. > > I can think of worse things to be “shamed” about – personal, detailed, psychological things that can really hurt someone. An ex-girlfriend and I were great at that. Wow. Gross. ---
**Author:** ![jack\_tardiff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@jack\_tardiff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jack_tardiff)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/33 "2013-02-03T18:55:20Z")
> [@colander](#): > > Wow. Gross. Whatever. Mocking people isn’t exactly a new invention, you see. I think it’s worse to make fun of someone’s race or gender orientation than choices some make about how they conduct themselves sexually. Obviously, I view both as mild mockery based on choices, and I don’t see any difference between the two. Your little riposte, on the other hand, is not “gross,” but a pro-dullard, uncontemplative view. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/34 "2013-02-03T18:59:15Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Prude shaming isn’t a thing. At least, not in the sense that slut shaming is. Sort of this. The degree is hugely different. I was a “technical” virgin until 24, so I heard enough of so-called prude shaming. It totally paled in comparison to what my freer friends went through (and still do) with slut shaming. So, while both may be bad, it’s the latter that is out if control, more misogynistic and damaging, in my opinion, to ones self-esteem. > [@colander](#): > > Wow. Gross. Agreed. Ew. ---
**Author:** ![colander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e8c25b/32.png) [@colander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colander)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868/35 "2013-02-03T20:07:52Z")
> [@jack\_tardiff](#): > > Whatever. Mocking people isn’t exactly a new invention, you see. I think it’s worse to make fun of someone’s race or gender orientation than choices some make about how they conduct themselves sexually. > > Obviously, I view both as mild mockery based on choices, and I don’t see any difference between the two. > > Your little riposte, on the other hand, is not “gross,” but a pro-dullard, uncontemplative view. Yes, of course. Anyone who thinks it’s fucked up to go around ridiculing people for their perceived sexual shortcomings is surely an uncontemplative dullard. God, what was I thinking with that one? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-is-worse-slut-shaming-or-prude-shaming/648868.md?page=1)