# Which movie/TV Jesus would you most like to hump? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 17, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238 "2002-12-17T03:21:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/1 "2002-12-17T03:21:11Z")
In [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=150205), **Guinastasia** indicated that she thought Christian Bale portrayed the sexiest Jesus, and **marinwood** called Jeremy Sisto’s portrayal of Jesus “Sex on a stick.” This got me to wondering … of all the Jesuses (Jesii?) in all the Jesus movies, which one would you most like to do the horizontal lambada with? ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/2 "2002-12-17T04:33:11Z")
:eek: :eek: ;j :eek: ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/3 "2002-12-17T05:03:35Z")
I predict that most responses to this will not be serious. Like this one: ;j:o ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/4 "2002-12-17T05:03:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blackeyes \* > \*\*:eek: > :eek: ;j :eek: \*\* Is this meant to represent Jesus having a threesome while a fourth party looks on in horror? Jesus wasn’t Hassidic, to my knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![typhoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ed8c4c/32.png) [@typhoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typhoon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/5 "2002-12-17T05:10:41Z")
This is crossing a line, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/6 "2002-12-17T05:17:32Z")
There are no lines, this is the SDMB. We have no hangups here…unless you start in with the “hate speech”, then _whoa nelly_!! I think Jesus would have a threesome, he was all about loving your neighbor. And I do mean _loving_ your neighbor 😉 So I guess he’d be into that whole girl-nextdoor thing. The question would be, what gender of the participants? And is **Kyomara** right, is Jesus letting somebody look on? Is it Bob Crane? ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/7 "2002-12-17T05:48:01Z")
[dead milkmen] And a…vision came And I knew it was Bob Crane! And Bob…sang! [/dead milkmen] ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/8 "2002-12-17T06:19:58Z")
If I say “The Last Temtation of Christ” people will think it’s because he’s the only Jesus who actually had sex. (Well, actually, he didn’t.) But really it’s just because I want to fuck Willum Dafoe. Other than that…there have been some pretty cute ones, so…anyone but that guy from “Godspell”. ---
**Author:** ![Nichol\_storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Nichol\_storm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nichol_storm)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/9 "2002-12-17T07:05:35Z")
Put in another vote for Willem Dafoe. Hell, I’ll take Christian Bale and Jeremy Sisto, too. Just throw all three of 'em in a hot tub with me, and watch the magic happen! .:Nichol:. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/10 "2002-12-17T07:26:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*of all the Jesuses (Jesii?) in all the Jesus movies \*\* …He walks into my last supper. [sub]ok, it’s not the funniest joke in the world, but it just reminded me of Casablanca. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/11 "2002-12-17T07:37:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by betenoir \* > \*\*anyone but that guy from “Godspell”. \*\* What, you don’t like Doing It clown-style? ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_Wright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@Steve\_Wright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_Wright)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/12 "2002-12-17T10:27:13Z")
Tsk. Is no one going to put in a good word for Robert Powell? How quickly we forget … ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/13 "2002-12-17T10:34:21Z")
None of them thank you. Mary Magdalene on the other hand… ---
**Author:** ![mazirian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/46a35a/32.png) [@mazirian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mazirian)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/14 "2002-12-17T10:40:30Z")
Linda Fiorentino in _Dogma_, wasn’t her character a direct decendant of Jesus? ---
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/15 "2002-12-17T11:23:25Z")
But wouldn’t that make her part black? ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/16 "2002-12-17T12:34:07Z")
Shut the f\*ck up! ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/17 "2002-12-17T12:45:07Z")
Haven’t seen it, but I’ve read that Billy Crudup played Jesus. And he’s a major babe, so there you go. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/18 "2002-12-17T15:17:57Z")
Ted Neely—from Jesus Christ Superstar. I was 14. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/19 "2002-12-17T19:29:28Z")
Gotta go with Willem. I said from the moment that movie came out that I’d convert just for him. 😃 I’m surprised this hasn’t been moved to IMHO… ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/20 "2002-12-17T20:56:31Z")
For your consideration: [Jeffrey Hunter](http://www.jeffreyhuntermovies.com/images/Photos/swimsuitblackandwhite1.jpg) in [_King of Kings_](http://www.jeffreyhuntermovies.com/images/KOK26.jpg) (1961). [Victor Garber](http://www.canadiantheatre.com/images/theatre/garberv.jpg) in [_Godspell_](http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/6003/JESUS.JPG) (1973). Ted Neeley in [_Jesus Christ Superstar_](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0783232071.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg) (1973). [Willem Dafoe](http://image.pathfinder.com/ew/oscar2001/spotlight/img/dafoe.jpg) in [_The Last Temptation of Christ_](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1559409037.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg) (1988). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238.md?page=2)