# Which movie/TV Jesus would you most like to hump? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 17, 2002, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238 "2002-12-17T03:21:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/21 "2002-12-17T21:02:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by PunditLisa \* > \*\*Haven’t seen it, but I’ve read that Billy Crudup played Jesus. And he’s a major babe, so there you go. \*\* Billy Crudup didn’t play Jesus. The movie is [Jesus’ Son](http://us.imdb.com/Details?0186253) (1999), but the title is metaphorical, not literal. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/22 "2002-12-17T21:45:30Z")
[Here’s some more pics.](http://www.postfun.com/pfp/software/squares/squares.html#) ---
**Author:** ![blowero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blowero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blowero)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/23 "2002-12-17T21:46:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mazirian \* > \*\*Linda Fiorentino in _Dogma_, wasn’t her character a direct decendant of Jesus? \*\* Mmmmmm…sacrilicious! ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/24 "2002-12-17T21:57:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mazirian \* > \*\*Linda Fiorentino in _Dogma_, wasn’t her character a direct decendant of Jesus? \*\* No, Fiornetino’s character Bethany is told she is a direct descendant of Mary and Joseph, through one of Jesus’ brothers. ---
**Author:** ![ForumBot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ee59a6/32.png) [@ForumBot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ForumBot)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/25 "2002-12-17T22:06:25Z")
Dogma - Buddy Christ ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2002, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/26 "2002-12-17T23:09:42Z")
The problem is the use of the word hump in the thread title. Any actor portraying Christ should be discussed with dignity, not with terms like hump or horizontal lambada. Perhaps boink would have been more appropriate. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/27 "2002-12-18T00:00:25Z")
Okay, vote for _worst_ Jesus: Peter O’Toole. A blonde-haired blue-eyed guy playing a Middle Eastern Jew? ---
**Author:** ![Walloon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/fbc32d/32.png) [@Walloon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walloon)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/28 "2002-12-18T00:10:09Z")
Peter O’Toole was playing a mad English aristocrat who _thought_ he was Jesus, complete with a full size cross in his drawing room, in [The Ruling Class](http://us.imdb.com/Details?0069198). ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/29 "2002-12-18T01:05:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dangerosa \* > \*\*The problem is the use of the word hump in the thread title. Any actor portraying Christ should be discussed with dignity, not with terms like hump or horizontal lambada. > > Perhaps boink would have been more appropriate. \*\* You’re absolutely right. I should have titled this thread “Which movie/TV Jesus would you most like to fuck?” Mea culpa. ---
**Author:** ![pantom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/34f0e0/32.png) [@pantom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pantom)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/30 "2002-12-18T02:25:15Z")
tracer! Honestly! Can’t we all just discuss the Federal deficit instead? ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/31 "2002-12-18T02:35:26Z")
Well, I know it’s not out yet, but Jim Caviezel (or however it’s spelled, I don’t feel like checking at the moment) is going to be playing Jesus in Mel Gibson’s version (_The Passion_). And well…the man is hot. I don’t care if he’s speaking Latin and Aramaic, either… ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/32 "2002-12-18T04:31:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*What, you don’t like Doing It clown-style? \*\* _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/33 "2002-12-18T05:40:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kyomara \* > \*\*Is this meant to represent Jesus having a threesome while a fourth party looks on in horror? \*\* It was _me_ looking on with horror at the OP, with a jew and two others looking on with horror. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/34 "2002-12-18T05:43:28Z")
Oh, Lord. Smite me now. I’m going to burn in fucking hell for [This](http://www.wingcommanderbob.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/jesus-strip.jpg) Forgive me, oh Lord. At least _I_ wasn’t the one who made it. Oh, Lord… ---
**Author:** ![SC\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@SC\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SC_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/35 "2002-12-18T07:32:56Z")
Mmm. Sacrilicious! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2002, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238/36 "2002-12-18T19:39:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blackeyes \* > \*\*I’m going to burn in fucking hell for [This](http://www.wingcommanderbob.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/b3ta/jesus-strip.jpg) > > Forgive me, oh Lord. At least _I_ wasn’t the one who made it.\*\* Saaaaaaay… ! Ooh, man\*, if I wasn’t a heterosexual male… [sub]\*) or Son of man, as the case may be. \[/sub] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-movie-tv-jesus-would-you-most-like-to-hump/143238.md?page=1)