# Which of these acts of infidelity would you find easiest to forgive?

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-acts-of-infidelity-would-you-find-easiest-to-forgive/543339>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [June 15, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-acts-of-infidelity-would-you-find-easiest-to-forgive/543339 "2010-06-15T19:27:44Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 3\
**Page:** 4

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**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\
**Post date:** [June 22, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-acts-of-infidelity-would-you-find-easiest-to-forgive/543339/61 "2010-06-22T22:51:08Z")

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> [@Asimovian](#):
>
> I’m willing to start the poll. I’ll link when it’s open.

[I took a stab at it.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=568169)

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**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\
**Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-acts-of-infidelity-would-you-find-easiest-to-forgive/543339/62 "2010-06-26T00:47:26Z")

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> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#):
>
> But nobody’s said that; that’s a strawman.

OK, then, help me out. What does this mean: “They haven’t shared so much as a kiss or an innuendo, but they’ve spent many hours being EMOTIONALLY intimate–sharing their hopes, dreams, fears, regrets, etc, in ways your spouse believes she or he should only do with you.”

> [@markm](#):
>
> Yeah, guy here, too, and as I said upthread, before I experienced it, I thought it was just some silly thing. Having actually experienced it, it sucks. To have someone effectively shut you out of their life and share everything with someone else is simply no fun.

> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#):
>
> There’s a difference between “having a very close relationship with a member of the gender you’re attracted to, but is not your spouse/SO” and “having a very close relationship with a member of the gender you’re attracted to, to the extent that you’re excluding your spouse/SO and shutting them out of your life.”

“Shutting them out of your life” is not in the poll. Is it assumed that someone can only be emotionally open with one person at a time, or not?

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**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\
**Post date:** [June 26, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-acts-of-infidelity-would-you-find-easiest-to-forgive/543339/63 "2010-06-26T03:52:07Z")

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> [@TWDuke](#):
>
> “Shutting them out of your life” is not in the poll. Is it assumed that someone can only be emotionally open with one person at a time, or not?

It’s implicit in the idea of an emotional affair. You’re not just connecting with someone other than your spouse; you’re connecting with someone other than your spouse \*to the exclusion of \*your spouse. Otherwise it just becomes a “you have a close friend” option, which isn’t infidelity at all. (At least \*\*Skald \*\*doesn’t strike me as the creepy controlling type to see it as such.)

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