# Which of these consent-related circumstances can be considered "rape"? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 3, 2012, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131 "2012-07-03T19:11:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131/101 "2012-07-09T13:06:16Z")
> [@BirdbirdOfDover](#): > > If sex occurs without verbalised consent, or perhaps even without overt behavioural consent (being actions beyond passive acceptance of the situation), and one of the people later regrets it or feels taken advantage of, this should be acknowledged. That the other person had no way of knowing this lack of consent should also be taken into account. > > It seems to me that our language is lacking a term for this situation. . I can get behind that 100%, HOWEVER you’d have to take the decades long prison sentences and sex offender registration off the table. I don’t think anyone has claimed someone who made a decision they regret or got in over their head doesn’t deserve support and sympathy, but rape is for keeping dangerous criminals away from the rest of society. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131/102 "2012-07-09T15:27:45Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I can get behind that 100% That’s a raping. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2012, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131/103 "2012-07-09T15:58:13Z")
> [@BirdbirdOfDover](#): > > If sex occurs without verbalised consent, or perhaps even without overt behavioural consent (being actions beyond passive acceptance of the situation), and one of the people later regrets it or feels taken advantage of, this should be acknowledged. That the other person had no way of knowing this lack of consent should also be taken into account. > > It seems to me that our language is lacking a term for this situation. The situation is called “I really wish I hadn’t had sex with that person”, and you’ve pretty much described how I, as a drunk innocent 19-year-old, let myself get jumped on by a fat ugly woman two-thirds older than me. But it’d be a travesty to mention it in the same breath as a violent sexual assault, so let’s not, huh? ---
**Author:** ![BirdbirdOfDover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@BirdbirdOfDover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BirdbirdOfDover)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131/104 "2012-07-10T01:21:14Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I can get behind that 100%, HOWEVER you’d have to take the decades long prison sentences and sex offender registration off the table. > > I don’t think anyone has claimed someone who made a decision they regret or got in over their head doesn’t deserve support and sympathy, but rape is for keeping dangerous criminals away from the rest of society. I agree with you. The situation I described shouldn’t be met with punishment for someone who couldn’t have possibly known any better. The only possible point of disagreement is what the term “rape” is used for. Yes, it is for keeping dangerous criminals away from the rest of society, but it also helps the victim by providing a context for what occurred to them. The victim needs to know that it’s not their fault, and I think the term “rape” helps with that. [QUOTE=Malacandra] The situation is called “I really wish I hadn’t had sex with that person”, and you’ve pretty much described how I, as a drunk innocent 19-year-old, let myself get jumped on by a fat ugly woman two-thirds older than me. But it’d be a travesty to mention it in the same breath as a violent sexual assault, so let’s not, huh? [/QUOTE] It sounds to me like you’re blaming yourself. Would you conceptualise this event as being taken advantage of? I don’t know if I’d call it rape. It doesn’t sound like violent sexual assault by the way you present it, so we won’t call your situation that. But the terms used to describe the situation also shouldn’t put you at fault so much, at least not in an unhelpful way. Honestly, this area of the problem is a bit beyond me. I understand the events, but it’s damn hard to sort out how the situation should be handled legally, and morally. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2012, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131/105 "2012-07-11T11:54:14Z")
> [@BirdbirdOfDover](#): > > The victim needs to know that it’s not their fault, and I think the term “rape” helps with that. > > \ > > It sounds to me like you’re blaming yourself. If a simple “no” would prevent sex from occurring then the responsibility lies with BOTH parties. There’s nothing magical about sex that absolves adults of the responsibility to make good decisions for themselves. It applies to using a condom so why should it not apply to who you have sex with, and when? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/which-of-these-consent-related-circumstances-can-be-considered-rape/627131.md?page=5)